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Author Topic:   FEELING INSECURE . ANY ADVICE
secretseeker
unregistered
posted May 05, 2006 05:06 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Need advice on how to deal with my insecurities please.

It's took me a lot of years but at the age of 34 I'm at the happiest and most confident I've ever been with myself. However, I'm at the early stages of a new relationship (7 weeks) and I'm feeling really insecure about it all. My confidence in myself seems to have taken a nose dive.

I truly feel that I've, at last, found the right man for me. I'm falling totally in love with him and he's falling for me too. So why do I feel like I'm not good enough for him, like he's going to get bored of me or cheat on me or one day wake up and realise I'm not good enough for him.

I know it's totally irrational and I keep telling myself to stop thinking like this but it's like I don't have any control over this. It seems to be controlling me.

I need to get a grip of this or I'm frightened I'll drive him away. Maybe psychologically, I'm trying to drive him away as I don't feel I deserve such a good man.

I have issues from my past that may explain why I feel like this. I was sexually abused as a child and also had a couple of abusive relationships as an adult. I thought I was over most of these issues but no, as soon as I am in a positive relationship everything creeps back up on me.

How do I get over this? I really don't want to screw this up.

Don't know if anything in my chart will help so here it is.

Thanks peeps.

for Dawn (female)
born on 7 Dec 1971 local time 07:10 am
in Aberdeen, SCOT (UK) U.T. 07:10
2w04, 57n10 sid. time 12:03:22

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Planetary positions
planet sign degree house motion
Sun Sagittarius 14°30'59 01 direct
Moon Leo 17°44'53 08 direct
Mercury Sagittarius 26°40'33 01 retrograde
Venus Capricorn 10°10'42 02 direct
Mars Pisces 17°44'53 03 direct
Jupiter Sagittarius 16°47'10 01 direct
Saturn Gemini 02°06'32 07 retrograde
Uranus Libra 17°19'08 10 direct
Neptune Sagittarius 03°14'04 01 direct
Pluto Libra 01°49'23 10 direct
True Node Aquarius 06°31'51 02 direct


House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Scorpio 28°54'13
2nd House Capricorn 02°30'22
3rd House Aquarius 20°27'43
Imum Coeli Aries 00°55'04
5th House Aries 27°14'25
6th House Taurus 15°12'52
Descendant Taurus 28°54'13
8th House Cancer 02°30'22
9th House Leo 20°27'43
Medium Coeli Libra 00°55'04
11th House Libra 27°14'25
12th House Scorpio 15°12'52

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Swerve
unregistered
posted May 05, 2006 07:34 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have to tell you that you haven't dealt with those previous experiences. Its understandable, but when you come into a new relationship as soon as your emotions begin to stir all the old demons will raise their heads. It will be subconscious and uncontrollable.

What you have been through is terrible and your mind has found ways of defending you, by reprressing the emotions and having safeguards in place - the paranoia and insecurity (think of it as a lookout for danger).

Until you fully address these issues you will simply be replaying these experiences over and over, and yes it will affect your relationships.

You shouldn't blame yourself or feel any shame whatsoever, but you should feel responsibility to yourself to heal first and then take your new self into a relationship.

There is hope, but first must come recognition and acceptance, followed relentlessly by persistent self-healing and improvement.

I'm doing this myself now. I have stayed away from relationships until I feel that my issues are mine alone and can be handled rather than expecting a relationship with another to provide a remedy that only lies within myself.

Be brave and trust yourself, but expect these feelings to get stronger and more uncontrollable if you don't address the underlying pain.

Good luck!

Swerve

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secretseeker
unregistered
posted May 05, 2006 11:25 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for the advice Swerve. I'm already aware of alot of what you say. I have had counselling and I don't feel any shame or that I am to blame. But there is a lot of pain there, which I do acknowledge. The thing is how do you heal yourself? I was abused by my father, as well as a couple of others, but it's the abuse by my father that hurts the most. I feel like it's a pain that will be with me for the rest of my life. How the hell do you make pain like that go away?

How are you dealing with it Swerve? I've no idea what to do about it.

Other thing is, I really don't wanna give this guy up. I really feel he's so right for me. Can't he help me through it?

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 40
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 05, 2006 11:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Give up?
Why give up relationship potential that already feels so awesome.
You are aware of issues.. and really.. show me any half of a couple who has no baggage or issues...
You are here to learn to deal. To learn to heal.
He can help you and you can help him.
Be honest.
Enjoy.. continue with therapy, and continue exploring, and continue loving.
Explore it with him.. everyone has some gray areas inside, everyone has some things they'd rather hide. Just work through it and be honest. Tell him it is something that crops up and you want to overcome it and ride it out because he is special.
That way... if it crops up unpleasantly, it won't ba a pink elephant in the room, it will have a reference point and an understanding.

He probably have some issues too..... doesn't everyone have at least one 'of those things' that rational thought doesn't touch? An insecurity that , when broken down, makes no sense, but it is a reaction anyway....
Work through it....
Good luck with your love.

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sue g
unregistered
posted May 05, 2006 12:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Good luck with your love"

Aaaaah lovely words from the lovely Pixie....

Yeah dont give up....I too have suffered the pangs of insecuirty in love. Its only as I have reached my 40s that I have started to feel empowered and confident!!!

Keep working on yerself and keep on loving yerself....and yer man..

Good luck and enjoy

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Happy Dragon
unregistered
posted May 05, 2006 05:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*Dawn* .. just a qik note .. (just saw this prior to shutting down) ..so
looking at the chart .. without 'time'

you have a couple of major "transits" on .. (astrology)
both are 'exact' .. so you probably feeling them full-on .. as it were ..
and they are long term .. as in months to build up in 'effect'

transiting Uranus is squaring your natal Sun .. 0.34 degree
transiting Pluto is conjunct your natal Mercury .. 0.16 degree
transiting Chiron is sextile your natal Chiron .. 0.16 degree ..

'later


------------------
( audio .. www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/audiofls.html .. )
"If you don't like my peaches, please don't shake my tree" .. Elmore James ..

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Happy Dragon
unregistered
posted May 05, 2006 05:54 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
information blok :
links that may help understand the transits mentioned ..
and as the book info is here .. shall paste it in as well :-))
*******************************************************
CHIRON in astrology ... info ..
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_chiron_e.htm
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_wounding_e.htm
http://www.martinlass.com/healhand.htm
http://www.martinlass.com/chiron.htm

***************************
* * * * *
a book on 'relationships'
written by a comedian and his psychologist ..
Families and How to Survive Them (Cedar Books) by Robin Skynner and John Cleese http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0749314109/026-3668791-4955626
Written in easy to read, simple conversation format between John Cleese and ...
* * * * * http://www.relate.org.uk/Book_SXB7B1-A77F6162.html
Families and How to Survive Them. John Cleese & Robin Skynner ?7.99 Using modern
experiences of family therapy, this book shows how understanding ...

****************************************************************
*** ***
(prev - post )
some links here .. some have explanations regarding transits

***Astro Links***

a basic guide to symbols and aspects http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk

good for 'aspect' information ..
* http://www.cafeastrology.com

* http://astro.com *
* http://www.aquarianage.org *
* http://astrologyweekly.com/learn-astrology *
* http://www.horoscope-x-files.com *
* http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com *
* http://www.astrology-numerology.com/astrology.html *
* http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_transits_e.htm *
* http://www.san.beck.org/Astro.html#1

try 'looking' at your chart thru this site:
* http://www.geocities.com/wilsontctc *

* * * * * * * *

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secretseeker
unregistered
posted May 06, 2006 07:33 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks guys for the advice and support. I'ts made me feel more positive about things. I'm sure we will get through this together.

Happy Dragon, you've given me a good place to start. Thanks for the links and the info on my transits. Very helpful.

You guys really are the best. I'm so glad I found this place.

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 1066
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 07, 2006 04:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just want to mention that although you should always have faith in the power of love... there are times when your intuition is REALLY TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING and you should listen to it. That doesn't mean that you should run from all relationships because you have past wounds. It means that you should become friends with this person and know them as a friend (for an entire year at least, if you can stand it) and get to know them without the chemical coctail of attraction skewing your vision.
Um... May the Force Be With You

------------------
"Did you ever get the chance to dance along the light of day?"

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shop22much
Newflake

Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Dec 2010

posted May 07, 2006 08:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for shop22much     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
.

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purple_scorp
unregistered
posted May 08, 2006 06:21 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi secretseeker, you could be unconsciously self-sabotaging your relationships because it's a way of keeping others at an arm's length.

You sound very in touch with your dark side and you're having counselling. You're already ten steps ahead of a lot of other people who have been abused.

I know what it's like to feel that you've kicked something, and then see it raise its ugly little head when you're least expecting it. Part of you feels.....heck, what do I need to do to get over this....and part of you feels like you've let yoursElf down because you're not as advanced as you think you should be.

My only advice is to be kind and gentle to yoursElf. You could also ask the Universe/Angels/Your God or whatever you pray to for assistance in forgiving and letting go (particularly of your father) so that you can move on.

I wish you love and support and much success with your journey.

with love
purple_scorp

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secretseeker
unregistered
posted May 09, 2006 07:49 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mystic Melody. That sounds so alien to me. There's no way I could be just friends with a guy I'm attracted to. The only male friends I have are ones I have no physical attraction to.

I know where you are coming from though and probably would be a good idea but it's just not me, I couldn't do it.

Shop, We are friends too as well as lovers, that's important to me too. And, no I wouldn't be with someone either who didn't accept me for who I am. At the first signs of someone wanting to change me or putting me down for who I am, I would be out of there. I have learned from my previous abusive relationships and would never put myself in that position again.

I've had quite a few guys come and go over the years and I've always dropped them like a hot potato at the first signs of them being controlling in any way.

I know the guy I'm with now is one of the good guys. That's why I want to hold on to him and not mess it up with my insecurities and paranoia. Although I have talked to him about it and he understands and reassures me that he is in it for the long-haul.

Purple-Scorp, I am aware that may be exactly what I am doing. It's the self defence mechanism that would stop me from ever being hurt so badly again. Thanks for your advice and your love and support.

I'm going to use the advice of Chiron, posted by Happy Dragon above, to try and heal myself. Got some questions about Chiron but I'll post them on the Astrology thread.

I truly appreciate all the feedback and advice I've received. It's helped me alot so far. I'm so glad of the opportunity to talk to such lovely, enlightened and insightful people.


Love and light

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