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Author Topic:   too MUCH in intensity in a relationship? ...
writesomething
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posted June 08, 2006 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for writesomething     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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pidaua
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posted June 08, 2006 08:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He's right, unfortunately there can be too much intensity.

Passion is wonderful - but imagine feeling a level of anxiety, walking on egg shells, feeling like the object of ones desire - almost being obsessed.... Imagine an addicts feeling of loss and hopelessness, not wanting the drug but having to have the drug all the while knowing that it is going to kill you.

Imagine being on a rollar coaster that is wonderful to start, but never ends. Up and down at 60mph or more - one crisis after another - either extreme heat or sudden cold - not knowing which will show up, but succumbing to the heat.

It sucks.. it's horrible and it's worse if YOU are the object because there is ALWAYS an object and ALWAYS an obsessor.

Sometimes it is very Pluto in nature- sometimes both parties have planets that can temper the intensity - but it's like being on a 100 times adrenaline rush that never ends and when it's over, and IT ALWAYS ends... you come crashing down and it takes forever and a day to get through those upheavals.

No... I love the slow but passionate intensity that I have now. We can't get enough of each other, but it's because we "enjoy" each other not because we are obsessed and want to possess.

Hopefully you will never have to do go through that type of intensity and instead will find the one that lasts forever.

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CapGirl
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posted June 08, 2006 09:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Great topic, WriteSomething! And Pidua, what do you mean by object and obsessor... as far as who is it worse for, the object? You mean that the object is being obsessed over by the obsessor and pursued by the obsessor? Who would Pluto be in that scenario- the obsessor?

I'd like to hear from more MEN on this topic... I struggle with this same question often...

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CapGirl
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posted June 08, 2006 09:23 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WS~~ What's your guy doing as far as behavior to make you suspect that this is a problem?

Mine will try to stay away, not be in contact, but then when he sees me/ runs into me, he cannot take his eyes off me and is totally focused on me, no matter who he may be with. And then if he doesn't run into me, he will eventually come out of hiding and contact me, like out of curiosity, or to make sure I'm not totally out of reach and taken, and he can't stay away. I myself have told him before that I think the relationship is "toxic"- because of this intensity and that hot/cold description well-described by Pidaua.

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Aquarius_Lover
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posted June 08, 2006 10:20 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Love relationships are about intensity, passion and couldn't get enough of each other indeed. However, this can be quite scaring/embarassing to an Aqua man. Being your friend an Aqua, his statement is understandable

Looks like they are told very early in life emotions are something tacky or not so well mannered to show off.

Intensity, as well as as intimacy -ok, now I'm being redundant- is something they can't deal with, mostly, unless they could feel comfortable in a relationship, what could take ages to hapen.

Very nice topic, writesomething!

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sweetlibra
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posted June 08, 2006 10:55 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am all about intensity and often overwhelm my partner with it. I dono how my Aqua takes it, but I feel he's not less intense. I told him Aquas are not supposed to be this intense and he said he's not a typical Aqua. Best part is we can have a hearty laugh at any time about our intense ways.
My cappy sis thinks we are behaving like teen-agers..!She has very much Aqua influence

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Ohad
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posted June 09, 2006 12:06 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
<<<...he said he's not a typical Aqua>>>
Well, that's what being an aqua is all about, isn't it?:P

------------------
"When the odds are against you, keep calm and cheat."

If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one around and it kills a mime, does anyone care?
-Terry Pratchett

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Herm Albright

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Dulce Luna
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posted June 09, 2006 12:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, Passion and intensity is nice to have but I have agree with your Aqua friend. I equate TOO MUCH intensity and passion to being addicted to drugs-you can't get enough, and you're never satisfied. Almost like obsession.

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sweetlibra
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posted June 09, 2006 01:20 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh! my Aqua said he is addicted to me and its like drug addiction..!

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marsconjunctmercury
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posted June 09, 2006 03:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Intensity is great.

------------------
IQhunk -

quote:
Well, for every one point that all of you like about me, I can list three.

4th December 1974 18:00GMT Isle of Wight UK

Always out-numbered. Never out-gunned.

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Swerve
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posted June 09, 2006 07:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't even want to get started on this one. I have so much Pluto influence I could be the son of Hades.

Intensity? It sucks. Creates a no-win situation like a runaway train with the brakes shot.

You know you are going to crash but you can't turn around and you can't stop.

I'm trying to change my entire perspective on life and women to be able to combat this. It has destroyed every relationship I have ever tried to initiate.

All you are left with is intense...loneliness.

Swerve

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Dulce Luna
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posted June 09, 2006 07:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm sorry Swerve, you seem like such a nice guy

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Swerve
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posted June 09, 2006 08:28 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Dulce - I read that back and realised how self-pitious it seemed. That wasn't my intention.

I'm using those experiences to forge ahead with a new perspective. When you have that intensity you need to channel it. Relationships in the whole just aren't strong enough to take the strain. It would require unconditional love and faith and how many times do you come across that?

I think if you can balance that intensity through other outlets and leak a little of that passion into a relationship like a tantilising teaser of the potential that lies within you, it can become a positive force rather than a negative one.

But, to do that, it requires willpower, a mindful disposition and nerves of steel.

Swerve

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Mama Mia
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posted June 09, 2006 10:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know sometimes you just can't help being intense. I do not think that I can. Even when I am not trying I am..My Sag kickboxing instructor told me that the minute I walk into the gym I slam people in the face. He says he is always like DAMN!!! when I step in. That is that Pisces Aura..

My Aqua man is very afraid of the intensity that I bring and the way I make him feel Yes when it is like that people run. I have never ran from intensity.

Different things works for different ppl. Capgirl I think you explained it so well how things go in my relationship now..

Sweetlibra you have a special Aqua and the reason he can handle the intensity is because he has what Mercury and Mars in Pisces that is a big boost for him..And apparently it is stronger then his Aqua influences..


The good thing about one being real intense and the other not is if you both care for each other you try and balance things out. I am learning to except that my guy is not 100% ok with intensity and he is trying to except that I love intensity and he tries and not run and face it..I see it as balance..I am learning to step back a bit..

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Dulce Luna
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posted June 09, 2006 12:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, I didn't mean to make you seem that way Swerve, sorry again

Air-influenced people seem to be very afraid of passion, that I've noticed. Again, it's not a bad thing-you just gotta have it in moderation.

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pidaua
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posted June 09, 2006 01:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
CapGirl,

Either one. To be the object limits your control as you have someone that is confining and almost suffocating. To be the obsessor is to lose control and you can't but help want that person. In a Pluto situation (we had my Pluto conjuncting his Moon and opposing his Mars, while his Pluto opposed my moon and conjuncted my Uranus).

The actual object / obsession will vacillate.

Now, I am not saying all consuming passion is wrong or that intensity should be dampened. Just be careful what you wish for. I thought being with someone that wanted me intensely and provided that all consumming passion would be great.

Until I was nothing more than a belonging and when you are the object of someone's obsession they also have the tendancy to be obsessed about other things and have many wacked out quirks that can be dangerous.

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writesomething
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posted June 09, 2006 05:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for writesomething     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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pidaua
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posted June 09, 2006 05:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
writesomething...

And THAT is exactly what I am talking about. Those feelings are too intense because the energy actually goes NO WHERE does it? It's a useless battle of want / need / desire that is not reciprocated appropriately.

You chase, he runs - you back off and collect yourself- he comes a knocken...

You start to fall again, then he tells you to be patient.

He throws you off with physical affection- especially in front of others, you ask yourself "He wants to be with me right? Why would someone be all over me in front of people if he didn't want me?" yet- he tells you to slow down.

Aries Moons hate this crap (I have an Aries moon / Sag Sun / Venus in Sag) I like things to be above board- just tell me like it is so I can move on, but don't yank my chain.

He has the power - you are object unless to cut it for good, then you have the power.

You have to decide.

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writesomething
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posted June 09, 2006 05:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for writesomething     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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pidaua
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From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
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posted June 09, 2006 05:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WS,

It gets better the longer you go without seeing him. I understand the going back and forth between being the object / obsessor (vacillation) because I lived through it for about 2 years and would never want to go through it again. That is what I meant about it taking forever and a day to get through the upheavals.

My ex did the same thing and I finally broke all forms of contact. When he called me cell phone I wouldn't even listen to the message let alone call him back. That lasted about 4 months, then he accidently caught me on Thanksgiving. We talked for about 4 hours (I needed to know why he was such a psycho - or basketcase as you said).

But, I kept getting this nagging feeling in my stomach- telling me never to trust him again, no matter how much he cried, begged or how many times a day he gave me puppy dog eyes.. because once I relented, I would back to the same BS again. Finally, after a month of "talking" I severed all contact again, it helped that he moved out of state - but then he mail started coming to my house (we used to live together once upon a time).

I had him change it, requested for him to make that change multiple times via e-mail and texts until finally Mr. Leo got involved and I let Mr. Taurus know we'd (Bear) be contacting his 1st SGT and commanding officer. He verified that Mr. Leo outranked him and that we were together - then suddenly the mail stopped coming.

Do I think the ex has left me alone for good? Nope.. not at all. In time, when he feels it's safe- he'll come out from his rock and try to contact me again.

Like I said though, I am just thankful I have a wonderful man now that loves me completely, no games (with the exception of video games and indoor sports..hee hee) and we don't have that up and down emotional rollar coaster thing going on.

It feels QUITE good!!!

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Mama Mia
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posted June 09, 2006 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmmmmm alot of maturing comes with this.. And you do have to have a great deal of paitence if you want to be in a Aqua man's life. Most of them anyway..

I am learning patience and it was times that I was bitter angry and I was like a mad women..But I just stop the expectations and tried really hard to stay focused on my stuff..

I have the power and have always had it just did not know how to use it. It is normal to feel all those feelings when dealing with a situation like that. But One emotion that will not carry on is bitterness and anger it does not sit well with me. Again I have said this before it takes a special type of lady to deal with these dudes otherwise you can lose your damn mind..

There are other guys like this too not just Aqua's. When you come out of this you will have learned somethings hopefully and gained some strength. It is all a lesson. It was for me..

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writesomething
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posted June 09, 2006 05:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for writesomething     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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pidaua
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From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
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posted June 09, 2006 06:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You don't seem like a bitter person at all, so I can't see bitterness ever sticking to you. Your soul is too clear and happy.

Thank you for the compliments on Mr. Leo. Yes, he is a hotty - I adore looking at him (even if I don't show it to him all that much LOL...) HE loves staring at me, watching me (Pisces moon) he is extremely affectionate and loves to spoil me.

More than anything though- he is loyal. That is something about both of us- we can't imagine causing the pain or heartache of cheating for another person. The ex used that has a tool to punish.

WS - you are very strong and your Aries moon will always come to rescue you from those bitter feelings that may pop up. I can see you definitely using that pioneering spirit to always see the bright side of things. I make a big joke out of the ex now and even if it comes across that I am hurting, I am actually half laughing. I stayed a bit longer than I should have, but it was like watching a car crash... I couldn't help it LOL... and I got tons of GREAT material (jokes) from him because of all the dumb things he did. Hee hee


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Arana
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posted June 11, 2006 12:43 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have aquarius ascendant (pisces intercepted in the first house).
I have one of those darn connections with somebody and in august of this year it will be 3 years since I have talked to the fellow. It's just too much for me to handle....yes I ran for the hills, and I am still running my ass off even though he's probably long gone.
As much as I love the feelings....the electricity....the lightning.....riding the wave of passion......I am just not equiped to handle all of the emotions involved.
I cannot submit that easily and in that situation it seems I have no choice.....feels like something else is in control

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WaterNymph
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posted June 15, 2006 06:42 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Drinking too much water can kill you.

Plus, when you have too much of something, you’re not given a chance to miss it…want it…desire it. It’s always there, you somehow get accustomed to the feeling…it starts to get uncomfortable, you need a break, you need to breath…it’s too strong to handle.

Depending on the chart, some people can handle it, some can’t. it’s not wrong to feel/want it all the time, but understand…it’s not that others *choose* to not handle it, they just can’t.

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