posted June 22, 2006 09:27 AM         

How important do you think it is for a couple to share things in common- not just likes & dislkies but the things we are MOST passionate about....like beliefs, dreams and goals.

posted June 22, 2006 11:26 AM         

I mean, dreams, beliefs and goals should be kept by the respective partners on their own. I believe a couple must have a common goal though, a big one, beyond the ones you mentioned. This must be why two people stick together.

You never know when a relationship would end up and mix up our most inner wishes could cause some "noise" in a relationship. But respect,engouragement and understanding of our partner beliefs, goals and dreams are very important and welcomed.

posted June 22, 2006 12:50 PM         

I can't help thinking/feeling somehow that it would be wonderful to be with someone who believes; someone just as passionate in searching for answers, someone who feels a stirring within that they must do something to make a difference in a world and heal the Earth- a stirring that wont go away, someone to share meatless meals with, etc another Elf....

Its not easy being in a relationship where I have to feel all these things alone; I've just ended up being untrue to myS-elf to get along better with him.

"And what I wouldn't give to find a soulmate-
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred...."

posted June 22, 2006 06:07 PM         

Or someOne to share that journey with?

posted June 23, 2006 05:09 AM         

When I see couples who are happy, who seem to have the same goals- I think it is beautiful- I dream of having the same. I suppose that kind of love is fairly rare, is special, in our world.

Is anything possible? What about Twin S-elves?
I realise this is way too deep for any mortal to answer- I don't wish to drag you into the depths of bewilderment with me- I think too much!

But I just LOVE the mysterious- it is my one true passion.

I want to go to one of those clairvoyance meetings soon. I believe that few mediums are geniune. Ever watch Colin Fry, '6th sense' on TV? He's awesome.

posted June 23, 2006 06:41 AM         

The Buddhist teachings ramble (lol) on about desire being the cause of unhappiness; that grasping for the 'transient' things will lead to pain; that we need to let go, find harmony- in a nutshell (but not literally IN a nutshell)

I think that, in my case, when it comes to the way I've dreamed about finding the 'perfect' partner- Twin s-elf my whole life- that these Buddhist teachings ring true. It has only caused me the pain of longing; a terrible, heavy aching. I think too much- get bogged down- and that stops me getting on. Now that is not a good thing.

I should be grateful for the love and friendship I already have in my life and accept that the spiritual quest is a person's own, personal and individual journey!

posted June 24, 2006 03:45 AM         

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IQhunk -

quote:

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Well, for every one point that all of you like about me, I can list three.

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posted July 04, 2006 11:46 AM         

Well-put!

ListensToTrees,

I personally think having things in common is one of the most crucial factors in a relationship- the two need to be able to relate to each other. If they have few or nothing in common, the relationship would be hard to last, even to form. On the contrary, if there are quite a lot in common between two individuals, the relationship can be really stimulating and lively...

I also ask myself from time to time "what if my future 'the one' cannot tolerate my dietary choice (vegetarian- and hoping to go vegan)?" I've been thinking about how my veggie diet may affect my social life- e.g. how am I going to socialize with omnivores etc? It can be a huge test when it comes to dietary differences...

I cannot say I am an expert of Buddhism, but I would say I disagree with its teachings about desire being not good, achieving happiness through letting go...that's too extreme for me. Life is not so simple as black and white. It's understandable that humankind suffers from our own desire at times and yearn for peace of mind, but I think we just need more patience to explore our humanity, and what true happiness is for each of us. This can be exhausting, but definitely worthwhile. The Buddhist teachings...are not for me

What matters most is, I wish you happiness. Best of luck

posted July 04, 2006 11:58 AM         

I better go, there's a big thunderstorm over here (have been some heat waves-phew) and I don't want to be struck by lightening!

posted July 04, 2006 01:06 PM         

I don't know if I can explain this ... will try...

Ok... My hubby and I don't exactly have the same likes and dislikes in common. Not even beliefs... and ambitions.

I love seafood, he loves red meat. He is Liberal, I'm Conservative. He believes in strict discipline, I encourage the kids to challenge my outlook.... I am very ambitious.. he's more relaxed... etc. etc.... I hope you get the point.

But, here is the thing: We always have something to debate about. I run to him about absolutely anything because I know that he can provide me with an opposite point of view. Through him, I can see the world from the other end. Hey, I already know what my points are but I want to know what my opposition is going to say. In the end, I truely appreciate this difference in us because through him I can see the whole picture - not just the way I want to see them.

Besides, I think it would be very sad if both of us are as driven to succeed (career-wise) as I am. Because then, who's going to be home with the kids?

I think the most important (to me anyway) is that the two of you being able to compliment each other, support one another in each of your endeavors.

Just my two cents,

Miss Muffet

posted July 04, 2006 01:15 PM         

Hope it helps. .

posted July 05, 2006 12:17 PM         

You may be surprised, but I totally agree with your wise opinions. Or you may find me self-contradictary? There surely has to be differences between the two individuals, esp romantic-wise IMO. If the two are literally "identical", then Gosh, how boring it would be! I guess the point is just that the two attract each other in some way. They can be like one another's polar opposites, but there must be some chemistry. And true, two people with the same goals may sometimes suffer from competitivity or living in the other's "shadow"...but don't give up hope

posted July 06, 2006 02:10 AM         

Thankyou for your feedback everyone- I like a good juicey bit of debate/discussion!

To be more precise, I am not dreaming of meeting someone who wants to become the same thing as I do career-wise or whatever. And yes, it would be boring if two people were the same- I agree that opposites attract- thats why God (or whoever, lol) created male and female.....thats why I have stayed with my Saggi, who is my opposite in the zodiac, all this time- even though I couldn't get him to agree with me about not eating meat, or things such as astrology.

Its just that I'm not always entirely sure he sees me true Self. There is an 'Elf' inside of me, secretly screaming to get out...and that Elf can't help but wonder about her Elf prince.... yes, I am Arwen- and I have chosen a mortal life; a mortal man.....but was this really the right thing to do, in the greater plan of the Uni-verse?
He's a wonderful, loving and sensitive person...but I can't even get him to use his recycling box! Maybe he's too lazy or cynical to believe we can all make a difference, but I find that downright frustrating. I need someone who can also see that the Earth is in pain and needs our help, physically and spiritually. I want to do more- I don't do anything but think- maybe thats just Time, right now....it would help to find others.