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Author Topic:   Admitted to liking me but
ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted June 29, 2006 08:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message
had to end things because I invaded his privacy...by that he means that I called too much and hanged out too much at his work place (I know what you think about the work place but it's a hotel with a nice crowds and lots of nice events that I like to attend and I"ll admit my presence there was definitely a bit much)
And I also did called him too much but it's because he didn't call me enough.
So he broke it up last saturday after we spent time at the hotel whre he pratically lives. I was devastated by it all and we met on sunday to help me clear my head. He was behind his defences but once I regained my self control and agreed with him that it wasn't the end of the world and that I needed more attention than he could give me, he just relaxed and hanged with me for the day trying to calm me down. We also spent some time on monday at his insistance but by then I was totally calm, which I think somewhat disappointed him.
We were not in a serious relationship because he doesn't want one due to some valid life circumstances, (but now I see it's also player game) but over the past two months that we've been together he had been seeing me exclusively and said he didn't want anyone but me---he had slept with someone else once before but stopped after that---and he had invited me to family stuffs and included me in his group of friends. The calling thing was the only dark spot in the picture and of course his reminder that we were not in a relation and all...
Anyway, he still wants me physically (admitted that he isn't seeing anyone else) and the chemistry between us is just out of this world. He broke up with two exes when I came around and refused an invitation from another ex to get back. We can't get enough of each other (venus trine pluto, moon trine pluto, and double whammy venus squares mars, with venus squareing uranus among other aspects) and him admitting to liking me and relaxing around me once I calmed around and accepted his friendship (he's an aqua moon and we started as friends in fact) has lately given me hope that I can rekindle things.
I want to rekindle things but on a better footing: first I will be friends with him and not sleep with him anymore but I will insist on a serious relationship the next time around. I know that he'll try to get me in his sheets...
I know that it'll be hard but we're in this because I never knew what I fully wanted with him and had a lot of reservations about our differing lifestyles and personality and thus had accepted his non-serious deal. But since then, we've had a non-formal relationship going in but his denial of it and my compliance has cut me short on his attention and that is what had gotten me needy with calling him and such.
I'm taking my distance and letting him call to invite me to things...somehow I have the certainty that he will call but I"m wondering if I'm foolish to want to rekindle things with him. I love him with all of my heart, am aware of all of his faults and quite frankly tell him and he tells me about mine too, but I've just never felt this whole with someone ever and I want to insist on this. My fear really is that I have pursued/insisted on dead end involvements before where the interest was just not there and I'm afraid of repeating the past. But the interest with this guy is more than there, he's just a typical man (want to have his cake and eat it too) and a detached aqua moon. I really didn't expect him to finally admit to liking me even when I suspected it from his behavior...
Words of encouragement needed as I'm lying low

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Selena
Knowflake

Posts: 252
From:
Registered: Mar 2006

posted June 29, 2006 09:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selena     Edit/Delete Message
Hello,

I've noticed when people have Venus-Uranus aspects,in synastry or the natal chart, they expect lots of space, not too much togetherness, perhaps he was just rebelling about "too much" thing.
Perhaps if you were a bit less available, it wouldn't have happened, but it may not be anything to do with it, who can really know why it happened?
I am just guessing here, only the person involved (Him) knows exact reasons for breaking up, all we can do is speculate. You also need to work out what you need from (any) relationship.
Reading your post, I am thinking that you need what most normal people do, commitment, reliability, trust, but it doesn't look like he can offer you that at this point of time.
Sometimes we are madly attracted to people, but what they can offer us is million light years away from what we need, and it is difficult to reconcile the two, the gap between the attraction and our personal needs.
I often notice that people agonise (I did that too when I was younger) about things, thinking that they can change people or situation, but at the end, it turns out to be unchangable, because the people involved are just too different or have met at the wrong time of their lives.
I wish you the best of luck, but don't really have the advice to give, because I was there, done that, and it is usually only the time that shows us the real picture, sometimes there is nothing we can do.
Can you tell us also his Sun sign?

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ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted June 29, 2006 09:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message
thanks Selena for your balanced advice. Our synastry and his chart is quite Uranian and I've felt this energy all along of our involvement. My venus also trines uranus and I have Uranus conjunct my ascendant so that has allowed me to give him space before. Unfortunately I have venus in pisces....
Beyond that, I know that the chance exists that I may not be able to reconcile my needs with the attraction i feel for him. But it doesn't hurt to try...
On a positive note, this experience certainly has allowed me to know what I want from a relationship from now or any other man that I get involved with. And I hope it diddn't come out that way, but I will not give him an ultimatum about what I want in a relationship with him...I just will keep him in mind and let him know about it why not succumbing to lust. Hopefully when he is ready for more, he'll think of me.
In his case, I know he broke it for space reasons and my needs as he forced me to admit. He's at a tough pass in his life right now and I know it more than anyone else...

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Peri
Knowflake

Posts: 1357
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003

posted June 29, 2006 10:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
Go for it!

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Selena
Knowflake

Posts: 252
From:
Registered: Mar 2006

posted June 29, 2006 01:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selena     Edit/Delete Message
________________________________________
On a positive note, this experience certainly has allowed me to know what I want from a relationship from now or any other man that I get involved with...
__________________________________________

Yes, this is exactly what I mean, you must already know in your heart whether it really is what you need or not, and this is the most important thing.

And of course it doesn't hurt to try, when such strong feelings are involved sometimes we can't help it by try.
I am sorry I couldn't give you any better advice, I can just say that I went through the same thing many times before, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't...but the fact is, you won't know until you try!
What I was trying to say in my previous post is, now that I am 34, I would try again maybe once, but when I was twenty, there was one situation when I tried many, many times, but it never worked out. From the benefit of hindsight, it was like hitting the wall with my head over and over again. It just wasn't meant to be, but I had lots of time then to make (emotional) mistakes, I was v. young. Now, there wouldn't be time any more, because what you can afford to do in your twenties, you really can't in your thirties and fourties, because time just doesn't wait. So I would say, if you are in your twenties, definitely go for it! I wish you all the best, and hopefully someone else will pinch in with useful advice (there are lots of smart people here!). Regards, S.

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4200
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted June 29, 2006 10:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Why do you want him?

Okay if you want help getting him, here goes.

Honestly I think he maybe a bit bored with your softness and compliance as you call it. He's in denial? About what? About what you do for him? He doesn't know what you do or respect it because even I can't see what you do for him. (I am being blunt here). I don't see what you bring to the relationship. He doesn't value sex.

You really need to sit down with yourself and stop trying to hard to please him just for the sake of pleasing and find out what you really want out of a man in your life and then from him.

Don't be afraid of scaring him away because if you do, a friend will be left to support your dreams (him), instead of having to be frustrated the way you are now.

Men get satisfied physically, women emotionally, and you are not getting any satisfaction, so don't think so much about him getting you between the sheets or you may try to seduce him..
instead think about what you want from him and remind yourself how you want your ideal man to treat you when he's in the room.

Ask yourself, does this guy act like your ideal guy? Watch him without your feelings there, and tell yourself the truth. Otherwise you are in denial yourself and that is immature. If you don't have an ideal man? Make one up. You'll have many times to practice.

This man is trying hard to be mature but he wants a woman who is more mature than him and even a bit hard on him. Your story sounds to me as if you need find your own way first before focusing on a relationship with an immature man.

Just because he didn't date anyone else doesn't mean he is trying!

My God that's the most basic thing you ask for in a man who is even the least bit interested in you!

If you have doubts that's how you make him into a man who pays attention, don't keep those to yourself! never, never be afraid of scaring a man away, be yourself.

Hugs from everyone

Natasha
Taurus/Cancer Moon

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ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted June 29, 2006 10:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Natasha!

Wow! you're being a bit rough! A year ago I would have taken it all personally but you're right on many points:

I need to raise my standards! and I need to not be afraid of letting go. I was at a dinner with friends and was thinking about it all and had decided, you know what? let it go! He offers you his friendship if that is all there is to it, just let life take its course. You deserve better...
I agree that I was too easy for him to catch. At least after the first night. Am afraid I'm near to inexperienced in men to tell on what they do when they are really interested beyond not seeing other women. I am not getting satisfied emotionally from this involvement for sure even though I like him a lot. I've been doing better already if still a bit confused.
What do I bring him? myself but maybe I gave too much of myself and that maybe the problem if there is one.
In any case, be glad to know that I'll let it go and find my own happiness. Which I am already finding in my work...and I don't need to sound irrealistic but I'm sure that I can resist his charm next time: that pt of no return you know and a bit of scorpio stubbornness.
But keep sending your supports, Selena, Peri, you and everyone else...
Love

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LuLu
Knowflake

Posts: 133
From: Louisville, Kentucky, USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted June 29, 2006 11:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuLu     Edit/Delete Message
ScorpSoul...I know it's hard to feel a connection and not be able to make it work the way that it feels like it should. BELIEVE ME, I know. But here is what else I know. You need to be true to yourself first. Find out what it is exactly that you want and what you want from a man in a relationship. If you are getting anything less than that, then I say screw it. Not to be blunt, but if you aren't getting what you need emotionally, then no matter how much you continue to give it will come back and bite you in the behind in the end. Mainly because you will realize that you have given up what you needed in order to give someone else what they needed. That's not what a relationship should be. A relationship should be about two people who care about each other enough to find some common ground, to talk things out, to give each other the emotional and physical support that they need and to be committed to each other. For him to ask you to have a casual relationship when so much of your heart was involved wasn't very fair. Let it go. If it was meant to be, it will be in the end. Stay strong, do something for yourself, go out and have fun with your friends. Most of all, try to get him off your mind. A tall order, I know. But one that will help in the long run. Don't settle for less than you deserve. You are worth so much more than that.

Love and Kisses
Lulu

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ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted July 03, 2006 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message

Well, I spent the weekend thinking about my situation (also went out and socialized) and about what I wanted from a relationship. Your words were especially useful St Henri and yours too Lulu.
Through that process I realized that I had a lot to resolve with myself first:
I realized that I got involved in this affair with too much casualness because I didn't know better and because I didn't know what I wanted or how to express my needs. and so I let him have an easy ride. So I've been writing stuffs about what I wanted for myself in a relationship in the future (with this guy if possible or someone else) and what I wanted from him or why I liked him. Through the process, I realized that I spent an aweful lot of time in the past agonizing about why it wouldn't work with him instead of trying to work it out by drawing boundaries or expressing my needs. That must be where my compliance came from St Henri and yeah, he likes me but he doesn't respect me: I know for the only time that I lashed out on him, he began treating me differently and more seriously but then I didn't keep the rope tight. Selena, I'm in my late twenties and I think I'll try one more time with him: though I won't call him and will date around, have scheduled a date with a guy today. Whatever happens from there happens. If it is meant to be, it will be. Meanwhile, my work is keeping him out of my mind. That always works for me.

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ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted July 16, 2006 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message
ok here are some updates but I want you guys opinions on this...

I didn't "go after" my guy despite my deep felt wishes. I had decided to move on per what everyone adviced and also because it was the best thing to do. I never called him but I bumped into him once, a week after the break up. I was friendly but left briefly. He started calling me the day after trying to get together. I missed a lot of his calls: left my cell at home to avoid temptation. But when I answered, I acted normal and told him that I was busy at work, which was the truth. But I also felt that he wasn't putting himself out there enough with his subtle invitations. Last tuesday, he called me at 9:00 am (after trying to get in touch with me on monday, six phone calls.) asking me for lunch at his place and said that we needed to talk. It was his first direct, no B.S. invitation so I accepted.
I went and we talked. Rather he talked and told me how he missed me...and that it wasn't sex...that he really likes me but that (well, as I wrote before...) I freaked him out and made him nervous because I was too pushy...that it can work between us if I change my style and let him chase me/come after me, to let things happen naturally. He knows that I want something serious eventually; he hasn't committed to that but for the first time has talked about it as something that could happen between us.
So we've been together and it's going fine although I'm keeping alert. But I'm wondering if I'm settling for less/too easily. He is honest with me to the point of insensitivity at times (aries sun) but he is also an avowed player and I'm wondering if by accepting this "let me chase you" thing I'm allowing him to have his cake and eat it too and therefore being too compliant.
Please help! torn by anxiety at times. I hope it is just my Virgo moon.

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scorpluv
Knowflake

Posts: 32
From: new york, new york, USA
Registered: Jun 2006

posted July 17, 2006 12:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpluv     Edit/Delete Message
ScorpSoul,

I've been reading your post and it seems as if this man is causing you alot more grief than happiness... NO GOOD!!! If the ends (a committment) does not justify the means (grief) than it isn't worth pursuing... Actions speak louder than words... If by his actions he shows hesitation, don't bother... His words don't mean anything... lol I'm speaking from experience and when a man means something, his actions reflect that and vice versa... What you have been doing as far as keeping yourself busy is your best viable option... Leave yourself time to discover yourself... You mentioned that you made a list of things you want out of a relationship and your expectations, i say stick to it... It doesn't seem as if this dude fits within your expections anyways... It will hurt, but in time, it will give you an opportunity to get to know urslef better and than you will find someone special to fulfill those needs... Don't sell yourself short, you deserve more than that... If he can't give it to you, you can do bad by yourself... Good luck and keep us posted...

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Venusian Love
Knowflake

Posts: 523
From: NYC
Registered: Jun 2006

posted July 17, 2006 12:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venusian Love     Edit/Delete Message
Do exactly what you are doing right now.


Some people cannot handle agressiveness.(I am very agressive also). Some people can.


At least he was honest about it and is still interested in you.

------------------
Gemini/Cancer Cusp, Cancer ascendant, Taurus moon *29, Taurus venus, Libra mars
*----------*----------*
Things base and vile, holding no quantity,
Love can transpose to form and dignity.
Love looks not with the eye, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

-William Shakespeare

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4200
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted July 18, 2006 06:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry to be rough again, maybe it's because I grew up around Scorps I am a bit too protective..but are you two together as in intimately again? Because then he is having his cake and eating it too..my gut instinct here is to ask for a commitment to "you", that is to what you want not what is best for the "we". he is making you commit to what he wants again, not what you feel you need because he is better at expressing himself than you are.

That does not mean what you want is not as important but his needs will always come first as it seems he is better at talking about them.

I am similar, I do a lot of going by instincts in relationships and it works.

Stick to what you feel and if confronted say, this is what my needs are right now and do not explain or justify. After all, he does not need to justify his needs, even if yours are emotional they are number one.

The emotional should always take precedence over the physical because the physical is easy, it can start up again anytime.

My instinct is that he is flat out saying no commitment at this time and trying to keep you from other guys-it's immature emotionally. If that is what you want it's okay, but it's good to be clear as to what he is really offering or not.

Right now I like a Sag who is very good about saying I need someone there but not a commitment at this time..he cannot say date other guys, he doesn't like it, but can't commit to any kind of exclusive relationship. In the past I would have accepted that he would "change" but now I do my thing and expect him to treat me as a friend only. I figure if I really need him on a physical only basis, he'll be there.

Natasha

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ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted July 18, 2006 10:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks you all for your replies. Again, St Henri thanks.And don't be shy about being blunt, I appreciate it because it's not mean spirited and it points to adjustment in me that I needed to implement.
But anyway, yes we are intimate again although the emphasis on the time we spend together is not put on sex: I'm actually much more sexually forward than he is. He's more laid back and sees it as one of the things that we do.
Now, I guess because we are intimate again, he is having his cake and eating it too, thus my previous post. But then I don't know. See, he is the one who has been encouraging me in seeing other guys, both before and after the breakup. He said that I don't need to worry about him seeing other women if that is my fear because he won't. But I am young and should go have fun and not settle for him this quickly: I have way less experience than he does and he knows that, thus his advice. He also said that I should come and talk to him about those men; he pretends that he is not jealous but he is like any man. But really seeing two guys at once is a stretch for me...I told him so.
So to go back to my needs and committment: What I need/want is for a relationship that evolves toward committment but certainly not a committed relationship for the sake of committment. And that is why when he accepted that we were seeing each other seriously without being committed now, I accepted it: he's the one who brought it up anyway, not me. My problems are my fears really: you know all those things people say about how some women get stuck in comfort zones and the relationship never evolves...
I'm looking at his actions thus far which have been consistent with his words. And I'm implementing changes in me (for my sake first and the relationship second) that includes diversifying my social life beyond him. I even started seeing this other guy this weekend...but we'll see.

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4200
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted July 21, 2006 07:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Good luck to you but be careful about who you are intimate with, nothing just "is", every relationship has to move towards the future and make you feel alive. if it doesn't it can turn bad and be part of you forever.

Hugs,
Natasha

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ScorpSoul
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2005

posted July 24, 2006 11:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScorpSoul     Edit/Delete Message
thanks St Henry and everyone else of course.
but we are sailing nicely now...things definitely aren't just "is" between us anymore, (was so before the break up, and I guess that is why we broke up in the first place) moving forward nicely...and I'm happy as hell! Actually, I am contented and at peace with this relationship now...
We probably will face crises here and there, but now I'm more confident in what we have and our committment to protect it and let it flow...
that is what I was looking for through those messages and I thank you all for helping me figuring myself out to better appreciate what circumstances/life handed out to me.

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