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Author
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Topic: Butterflies and Love
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CrankyCap
Knowflake Posts: 658
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006
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posted July 16, 2006 08:32 PM
 
So I was in my car on Friday night listening to Love Songs with Delilah (don't know if any of you get that show in your area). Half of the time I think her observations are somewhat idealistic and even cheesy, but Friday night she got a caller who asked her, "How do you know when it's really love?" Delilah responded first by saying that that was like asking "What is the meaning of life?" By further probing this woman, she found out that the woman was with a man whose heart she had already broken several times. She said that she didn't have the "butterflies" she thought she should be feeling. Delilah described how she had been madly in love with her first husband, her heart skipped a beat everytime he walked in the room, but he was also an addict and could not be faithful. She told the woman that a partner should be your companion and best friend, someone you can trust and talk to, not just all passion and butterflies. She asked the woman if she had had the butterflies before with other men. The woman responded yes. She then asked her if any of those relationships worked, and of course, she answered no. This got me thinking. I think we associate the butterflies with love and intense passion. But deep down I think the reason that we get them is because something we need is missing, and I believe they're caused from nervous tension and anxiety because of that. We want the person, but we can't have them for some reason, or they're holding back on something we deeply desire to feel secure. The man I'm seeing right now does not give me butterflies. Well, there are moments when I'll think back on a passionate night we may have had and feel as though I've gone down the first drop on a roller coaster, but they're not constant. He is however, the first man I've ever been with that can move me to tears with his words. 5 hours with him feels like 5 minutes. There's never enough time and the time we spend apart just seems like a countdown to the next moment we're together. There is passion, there is laughter, I feel like he's become my best friend, and above all, there is trust. I have been with people before where there were constant "butterflies" but that was always because I never really knew that I "had them." Emotionally, they always held back, and I was always in "chase" mode. I don't think that's what love really is. My question to everyone is, in your experience, do you think that is love? Is it not love if you don't have the constant nervous knots? Just pondering... -Cranky IP: Logged |
secretseeker
Knowflake Posts: 93
From: Dundee, Scotland
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted July 17, 2006 08:58 AM
I've been pondering this myself lately and think you may have a point about the butterflies thing.The last guy I was seeing, I thought I was madly in love with because of the constant butterflies. I was advised in one of my posts that the butterflies may actually be my instincts trying to tell me something but I didnt want to believe that. It did turn out in the end that he didn't feel the same way about me. So, the butterflies could well have been because he wasn't giving me what I needed to feel secure and I seemed to always be in chase mode. It sounds like you have something good going on so maybe you should say to hell with the butterflies. IP: Logged |
Taurus80
Knowflake Posts: 637
From:
Registered: May 2005
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posted July 17, 2006 10:21 AM
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pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 6789
From: In Idaho until half my heart comes home from Iraq...
Registered: May 2002
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posted July 17, 2006 07:47 PM
I get butterflies for two reasons... The first is usually right before I meet someone of significance- the second is if someone makes me feel those butterflies deep down inside. I've gotten butterflies before every man I dated and before I married my ex-husband and before I met my new husband. BUT- they were butterflies of excitement not of anxiety. That doesn't mean that my Leo doesn't make my tummy all flippy floppy happy when he tells me how beautiful I look or how he looks at me ..... I guess it's more like I melt inside. There have been two times in my life though when someone gave me constant butterflies- that was horrible and the relationships were also terrible. Sometimes that butterfly flutter is cool- but when you feel like you have a million of them fluttering all at once- NOT cool  Ruuuuunnnnnnnn IP: Logged |
lovely*
Knowflake Posts: 2136
From: CA
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted July 19, 2006 12:41 AM
Butterflies are usually our bodies telling us ""this is the right mate" actually. It's excitement; dopamine; adrenaline.. a natural part of getting together with someone you have chemistry with. If you are continually blocked adn a relationship doesn't progress; i.e the guy has intimacy issues, can't commit whatever it is; then there will never be that 2nd stage mature love phase; which usually hits around 4 years of being together.
lovesongs on the coast..LOL love it 
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Lindaland
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