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Author
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Topic: Need help/advice/comments - anyone?
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cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 03:36 PM
 
Sorry for boring anyone or posting twice but already posted this question in Astrology, but no response so far...
If anyone can help with this situation, believe me, I would appreciate it greatly! - I have scorp male friend, have known him for 2 and a half years. We grew close and he said he trusted me and liked me because I am loyal and tell him the truth not what he wants to hear. Scorps in another thread talked about what it means for someone to say to a Scorp 'you are the only one for me' etc, I told him once he is my most valued friend , that he was like no-one else I knew (absolutely true!) well here comes the whammy, I realised in the last 6 mths I have been in love wth him all this time. There was a spark the first time we met (at work) and everyone else hated him, but I kept saying what's your problem he's great! Anyway we no longer work together and he lives in another city but I was the only person from that workplace who he kept in contact with, he invited myself and my daughter to spend weekends at his place and did lots of nice things for us, free tickets to top shows etc. told me I am beautiful and he thinks I'm a brave person and he admires me, however last month I told him 'I'm in love with you', he said he needed to think about that, 3 days later he sent me a text saying he did not feel the same, let's stay friends though, and since then has not contacted me, despite me sending him 2 messages saying 'it's ok lets stay friends'. I know he has issues wth his family, expectations from them and his need to provide for everyone and also is very committed to his work and ambitions. But I can't understand how I misread our relationship. What have I done wrong? What is he feeling/thinking? I can't bare to think I hurt him in anyway, and just want him in my life even if he doesn't love me
His info 8 Nov 1965 - London (dont know what time)
Any info - truly grateful  Ooh - just wanted to add - when I say family I mean mother, father, sister - he is not married or in another relationship!
(that just sounded wrong!  )
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Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 03:42 PM
You didn't hurt him.He probably feels awkward about the situation. Give it some time. Don't contact him. Wait for him to come to you. IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 03:52 PM
Thanx for ur response GLLF
- am in the waiting stage now - sigh 
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Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 04:08 PM
Yeah, it's not fun, is it? If he still wants you in his life, he will eventually contact you. How busy are you these days? Busy is GOOD. Too much free time = too much time to think about him. Try to fill up your time as much you can. If you're not too busy with work and other obligations, now is the time to pick up a new hobby. New hobbies will bring new ideas, new passion, and new PEOPLE into your life. Some ideas: Painting, mosaics, sculpture, bellydance, ballet, jogging, sailing, gardening, cooking, fishing, hiking, yoga, pilates. Discover old movies, read about foreign countries, learn a new language. IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 04:17 PM
there IS something out there for you....right now.. just waiting for you to come along and discover that you were meant for it, meant to do it. Good luck  IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 04:36 PM
good insights Goobz 
I am fairly busy, lots of hobbies, but am on holidays at the moment. The good thing is it is giving me plenty of time to write (one of the hobbies) the main problem is, and this will sound so cheezy, I go to sleep he's on my mind and in my heart, I wake up he's my first thought and feeling, I get busy and when I stop to breathe he's there again - in my head and my heart. And I wont go any where without my mobile, just in case... I wish I could switch off these feelings... Sometimes it hurts and other times I find myself picturing his smile and it makes me smile too.
I just wish I had never said anything or that he would tell me what he's feeling and thinking like he used to. I sure hope he doesn't stay away forever.
I've been alone before, I know I'll survive, but I know he'll become one of those people you remember forever and always think 'what if...?' Do you know what I mean?
I'm 34, never been married, have a child and for a while allowed myself to believe that he is 'the one' - God, I miss him! 
Thanks for talking wth me bout it though - it really is nice to get it off my chest, out of my head IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 04:57 PM
I know that feeling...where you think about that person as you drift off to sleep, the second you wake up, the second you're not doing something. You think you will never meet anyone as wonderful and beautiful and perfect. I went through this recently, actually. For months. Now I am at the end stages of that process...I can tell you with 100% honesty, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Beautiful things will come your way. Now is the time to acquire faith and believe in abundance. One of the greatest lessons I ever learned...... Love Only Those Who Love You IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 05:10 PM
"Love Only Those Who Love You"
Oh so true...
So, while I'm having faith and trying so hard to believe in abundance, am I also grasping at 'hope', that he'll change his mind and wake up someday and say to himself, 'my god I've been stupid' and knock on my door with his heart in his hands...
I am stretching now aren't I? I can't believe I'm acting/thinking like a 16yr old...  Damn those Scorpion eyes!  IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 05:41 PM
No. You read the tea leaves and move on.I can't stress the importance of this. You need to give up on him. YOU NEED TO GIVE UP. Whole-heartedly, without exceptions. IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 05:42 PM
I know - SIGH
- for youIP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 05:52 PM
I know, it's not easy.I'm here if you need someone, have more thoughts to share, etc. IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 16, 2006 06:03 PM
I think it's something that I've kind of known really - probably why it took me so long to say something to him... I remember saying to my mum, I couldn't say anything to him about loving him until I felt ready for him to say 'no'. Maybe that was a sign to myself, that I had to be ready to live without him in my life before I could tell him I love him - does that make sense?
Be nice if we could stay friends, but from his silence I think that's an unrealistic hope, he's probably doing me a favour by pulling back. I guess I just have to bless the situation and try to get a lesson from it.
Do you know it would be really refreshing for a guy to tell me he has feelings for me, for a change (preferably one I have feelings for) 
It's hard to think about moving on right now... I think I need contemplative spaceIP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 242
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted August 17, 2006 10:33 AM
Exactly, Cat, you should take time to just "be" and not force yourself to move on or get over your feelings. Accept and own your feelings and don't be quick to run off to the next adventure or person... I went through the same thing... Knew the guy for over a year and finally confessed my feelings. He stayed away for 3 months, as I'd asked that he do if he didn't feel the same, and then emails me after all that time with a mixed message saying much of nothing. He's made it hard to get closure and accept rejection. I admire guys that can actually make a decision and come back with a response in these situations. It is not easy to forget and refocus your thoughts and interest, so take your time and slowly redirect your life towards a new direction. IP: Logged |
jehovah81
Knowflake Posts: 46
From: auckland, new zealand
Registered: May 2006
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posted August 17, 2006 10:55 AM
hey cat,
Maybe he's GAY
and that you two might have a conversation in the past about gay people and you reacted indifferent to his views and he would of told you but thought other wise,Im not saying you are to blame. But i have probably 2 gay friends and they through hints at you, and then they expect you to know, im pretty slow with hints being open and honest myself.
but IF he was some sorta friend he would have come to you by now i totally agree with what the others here have said its not worth the time and effort to try and fix something if you dont know whats broke.------------------
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proudarcher
Knowflake Posts: 20
From: cambridge,ontario,canada
Registered: Aug 2006
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posted August 17, 2006 10:55 AM
I think this scorpio does love u in a purely platonic way. Sometimes it's hard cause u take their actions as somethimg more, when all it is for males is appreciating u as a friend. He obviosly thinks highly of u as a person, so prove yourself. Remain detatched , it shows your strength as a person. Who knows what will happen in the future. Good luck, I know how hard it is to heal a wounded heart.IP: Logged |
Stargazer
Knowflake Posts: 601
From: Columbus OH USA
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted August 17, 2006 12:37 PM
Just wanted to say that I too know how it feels... To be like in an obsessive state over a Scorpio.. It is no fun... Almost like being bodysnatched...
But time heals... and the pain lessens... For me, it is still there though, Venus conjunct Pluto almost exact and his venus sits right on my SN at 29' Libra)... But...
You have to let him go.... I agree with Goober... You do know how he feels...He may just be putting the space needed between you in order for you to accept it.... Its the worst ... Moving on will put you in a place that would allow a friendship in the future...right now, as much as you may think differently, you would probably be miserable trying to be friends when you and he both know that is not what you truly want.... at least not right now.... Been there... still there.... but managing to work my way to being open and emotionally available for someone else who loves me back {{{hugs to you}}} We are here for you IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 17, 2006 12:58 PM
Thanx eveyone for supporting me and sharing wth me
CG - Know exactly what u r saying, a couple of friends are like, 'go clubbing, get back on the horse' - but I just can't do it right now, and also don't feel it would be fair to myself or another guy to get involved in something that would be superficial, time is definitely of the essence here. And, yes, the closure is a problem for me, in some ways while I know it would hurt, it would be easier to move on if he said outright 'it is over' fullstop - know what I mean?J81 - oh my gosh I have seriously thought about this, and 2 other people have suggested this to me. I did ask him when we first met if he was gay (also being open and honest like yourself) he said 'absolutely not!', I actually think I could handle him being with a guy easier then another woman! I hope I didn't come across as intolerant though, I would hate to think that! PArcher - I think there's some truth to what you say, I haven't had a guy as a friend go out of his way for me like this before, so I guess it's easy for me to see more then there is... I'm not chasing anymore, I've sent my messages to him, the ball is in his court now 
Thanks again y'all - great to have the input & love 
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Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 903
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted August 17, 2006 01:45 PM
cat~ I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't take some time to grieve the loss, or try to rush it (and it is a loss). "just be with it" for now. And later, when you're ready, you can work on "moving on." In the mean time, make sure you take care of yourself. IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 17, 2006 02:20 PM
Oh Goobz - thank you, but I didn't see your comments in that way
I was referring more to certain friends who had suggested 'free love' is the best way to get over my loss - certainly not true in my opinion.
I understand what u were/are trying to say - thanx ------------------
...to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever... IP: Logged |
BlueTopaz124
Knowflake Posts: 926
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted August 17, 2006 09:21 PM
Some really good advise already given here.I also wanted to add: This Scorp guy I am quite sure has been valuing your friendship and wanting to make your life special as his friend and see you happy. It's easy to fall in love with that, someone who is interested in your well-being. Do the best thing you can do right now, and don't throw this relationship away, but cherish it for what it is: very special. Few people come along in our lives who can give us this. Now, detach and do all the special things for YOU that he did. Give to yourself all the beauty and pamper yourself. You'll feel more peaceful inside as a result. I think what he could be doing, is detaching and taking his space. You know where you stand with him now. I've had guys declare their feelings for me and I was completely unprepared for it. Flattered, but I could not reciprocate my feelings (for one, I was just coming out of a very meaningful relationship with Mr. Aqua) because I just did not feel the same way about him. Give yourself time, you had a beautiful experience with him and your feelings are natural. Laura IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 188
From:
Registered: May 2002
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posted August 18, 2006 07:32 AM
Thanx Laura
------------------
...to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever... IP: Logged | |
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