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Author Topic:   Want your comments...is this true for you?
Irish Eyes
Knowflake

Posts: 439
From: PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted August 21, 2006 05:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Irish Eyes     Edit/Delete Message
It has been suggest to me on more than one occation that men and women cannot be just friends that there is always desire that lies just under the surface. That the male/female polarities cannot resist the urge to be together. (this does not apply to straits and gays of the opposite sex)

What do you all think...any personal experience to back up your belief?

Thanks,
Irish

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justu&me
Knowflake

Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Aug 2006

posted August 21, 2006 05:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for justu&me     Edit/Delete Message
it all depends on the people. Unevolved people who are only interested in "warm fuzzies" of the flesh are probably more prone to be tempted.

But, some people start out as friends and the natural progression is to become lovers.

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Scorpionic Web
Knowflake

Posts: 246
From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005

posted August 21, 2006 05:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpionic Web     Edit/Delete Message
I've had plenty of friendships with hetero women where there was a mutual lack of physical attraction.

Unless these women were misleading me... but I think I'm usually receptive to when I'm physically desired or not.

Naturally, these mutual-lack-of-attraction friendships are usually the ones that work out best...

I think it comes down to personal standards. I'm attracted to very particular types of women. And most women I know are attracted to specific types of men. Put together, there are plenty of good ol' friendships.

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 5434
From: Bisbee, Arizona
Registered: May 2002

posted August 21, 2006 06:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message
I absolutely believe men and women can be "just friends".

I have always perferred the company of men over women, not because I don't like my sisters, but I love watching sports, going to the pub and having BBQ's (don't get me wrong, I'm definitely into men.. as my hubby would testify too) it is just that I am not much of a girly girl when it comes to activities.

I can window shop for maybe a day.. but I could never make a sport out of shopping or trying on clothes etc... ick....

The whole catty thing has a tendancy to bother me at times too 'Oh, did you see what so and so was wearing?" then there is the long conversations just to get to one point.. UGH!!!..

I am also a Sag Sun / Aries Moon / Venus in Sag


~pidaua

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SavageScorpio
Knowflake

Posts: 122
From: Fort Worth, TX. US
Registered: Mar 2005

posted August 21, 2006 07:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SavageScorpio     Edit/Delete Message
I've had friendships with guys that were "just friends" relationships. Now I've had relationships with guys where you know they're being your friend for the intent of more. I have Mars in Aquarius, which is a placement that always wants to be friends first, it's a must pretty much. Guys with Venus in Aquarius, or Mars in Aquarius are the same way. I've always gotten along well with guys with mars/venus in aquarius, because I feel comfortable with them because you can be friends with them first, they're not pressuring. I knew a guy with mars and venus in Aquarius, and it was great. You could hang out with him and be just friends, he didn't make you feel uncomfortable (which is important to anyone with mars in aquarius). Mars/Venus in aquarius believes you MUST be friends first, and if anything happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't...but that's not your initial intention whatsoever (needless to say I always have gotten along with guys with venus/mars in aquarius, don't know how to explain it). I think it's a respect thing, we both respect each other more for being able to be friends initially, and value it highly.

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Irish Eyes
Knowflake

Posts: 439
From: PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted August 21, 2006 11:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Irish Eyes     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you all for your input. I would like some more input for you or others.

As I am going through a divorce this question has surfaced several times. I have sun and venus in Aqua and I believe in the whole friendship thing. My grandmother used to say that you have to be friends first lovers second. I so get what you are saying SavageScorpio!

Pid- I am the same way...keep the real girly stuff away from me! I have no desire to spend my life being a perfect lady! Watching the World Cup was my idea of a great way to spend an afternoon!

Thanks for the input Scorpionic Web...I think you are correct about the mutual-lack-of-attraction thing.

justu&me-It does depend on what you go into the friendship wanting.

At present I have been talking to a guy online for over a year and I have a few friends that want to make more out of it than there is. Although I have to admit that I am a bit blind to attraction as I am always making friends with men and then cannot understand why they leave my life only to find out later that they were interested in me as more than a friend.

Any suggestion on how to tell if someone is giving you the signs...for future reference it may come in handy!

-Irish

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Kamilla
Knowflake

Posts: 485
From: NJ USA
Registered: Apr 2006

posted August 22, 2006 06:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kamilla     Edit/Delete Message
Just like pidaua, fellow Sag, I prefer the company of men as well but for entirely different reason. Nothing is like innocent flirt that by unsaid agreement never goes any further.

In my experience subtle mutual attraction is what kept my best friendships with men together over the years. Still does, actually. Some of these guys were with me through thick and thin like no woman ever will be. It's kind of like never leaving this pre-relationship stage when the other person seems to be so intriguing... but at the same time you know everything BUT the physical side very well. I don't know, I am sure it might seem rather twisted and I am not about to recommend it to anyone. Just something that works for me.

As for signs, trust me, when you get a sign from the right guy, you are not going to miss it Until then, it doesn't really matter

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CapGirl
Knowflake

Posts: 249
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006

posted August 22, 2006 09:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CapGirl     Edit/Delete Message
I have generally found that I cannot be just friends with men, or they cannot be just friends w/ me, UNLESS we're co-workers or one of us or both are in a [serious] relationship. It doesn't matter if there's a lack of MUTUAL attraction... it's usually the case that one of the parties will be attracted or will develop an attraction and will then try to act on it at some point. I'm reasonably attractive to a wide majority of men, on just a sex appeal level, and this has posed problems w/ trying to sustain a platonic friendship w/ men. I found that my best bet at male friendships are through the workplace.

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CapGirl
Knowflake

Posts: 249
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006

posted August 22, 2006 09:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CapGirl     Edit/Delete Message
Oh~ I have no aqua in my chart... just for cross-reference/comparison. I'm Cap. venus, Pisces mars, Cap. mercury, Sag. moon, Cancer rising. I think it's my Sun conjunct Venus that lends some charm/attractiveness, or so I've read, plus all of that earthiness sends out vibes.

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 838
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted August 22, 2006 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
I think men and women can be "just friends", it depends on the people involved.

Only, this kind of reminds me of the nightclass I just finished with a virgo in it that I ended up avoiding. At first, I thought he was just trying to be nice and make friends but then I overheard some things I shouldn't have plus some things another Virgo guy had told me that made me think twice.

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 950
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted August 22, 2006 10:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
This is very typical of Sag females, to get along well with men as friends, and to shy away from catty behaviour in our women friends and colleagues...I am very much a Sag this way. For this reason, I'm very standoffish at work, too much backbiting and snarly attitudes (for no reason in my opinion), so I stay far far away from that. I've always been more comfortable around men, too.

I feel it depends on the people and will be a little unbalanced if one is more attracted to or interested in the other and secretly wants more.

That's my ideal, though, is to be friends first, no matter what. It's what I strive for, anyways. Doesn't always end up that way.

I'm rather heavy on the Sag(sun, asc,mars & jupiter), with Aquarius Moon and Venus in Libra.

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Irish Eyes
Knowflake

Posts: 439
From: PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted August 22, 2006 11:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Irish Eyes     Edit/Delete Message
This is a real eye opener for me...let me ask about the posibility of people meeting online yet have not exchanged picts.

Can there still be a connection of two souls with out the phyical attaction much less the connection in real time other than IM.

I am curious and would like all opinions.

Love,
Irish

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Charlotte
Knowflake

Posts: 784
From: Tn. USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted August 23, 2006 03:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Charlotte     Edit/Delete Message
I believe that if it is a "real" soul connection and not just a fantasy one, then the two people involved will both feel it strongly, even through the Internet.

------------------
May the angel of your higher s-elf, guide you always.

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sweetlibra
Knowflake

Posts: 1369
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted August 23, 2006 05:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetlibra     Edit/Delete Message
no planet in sag except neptune. but i do prefer company of men above women and can be just friends. Cant bear most of the girlish talks

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amisha121877
Knowflake

Posts: 646
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2004

posted August 23, 2006 11:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for amisha121877     Edit/Delete Message
i've heard this also - as i get older, i don't know whether i should believe that or not.

in the past, i didn't. i am a female who had mostly male friends and I was not interested in them past being just friends and I'm sure they felt the same but I wasn't even an "adult" yet. as an adult now, sometimes, i wish i was a youth again, so that i didn't get as side-walled as I do now and that it wouldn't be so awkward to just be friends when/if the other partner wants to be more and vice versa. in a sense, because of the awkwardness - i have just barely, acquaintences rather than friends.

Anyway, I WISH that men and women were capable of being just friends but from my own experience - I've yet to get there as an adult and if I based it on that - I would say no, they can't be just friends.

People you want to be friends with want to be more and those who are more want to be friends - why can't it be all? when it's all - it's not "just friends". the, if it ain't broke don't fix it, is felt by one or the other until the pressure of expectations of what a "friend" is and what "more" is make it's complicated and awkward - damn, we aren't just friends. i'd rather that we were just friends especially when you act like this.

I'll keep believing that men and women can be just friends, for now. I've just yet to get there, as an adult.

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Irish Eyes
Knowflake

Posts: 439
From: PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted August 23, 2006 10:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Irish Eyes     Edit/Delete Message
Again thank you all for your replies.

Charlotte- Have you had an experience with the internet?

sweetlibra- thanks for the input

amisha- I can see the struggle that you are having with the whole "adult" thing. In our youth it is easier to be just friends as it is a time for us to get to know what we want and to see different way that we can enteract with each other. For me I am still on the fence on this subject. As much as I would like to think that being just friends is possible it is sometimes hard not to want the closeness of the one you trust as a friend. Thank you for sharing.

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SavageScorpio
Knowflake

Posts: 122
From: Fort Worth, TX. US
Registered: Mar 2005

posted August 24, 2006 12:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SavageScorpio     Edit/Delete Message
I think it depends a lot on what you want from the relationship. What the guy wants, and what you want? If you want to have something of meaning, a commitment type relationship, and he does also, you both will most likely be friends first, that's the best route to take, for having a significant/meaningful relationship, and most people who want that, know to be friends first. That's what I've observed & my personal philosophy. If you jump into a relationship, there's added pressure, etc. You don't know the other person, they don't know you, and if you are interested in a frivilous relationship... than eh... that's perfect.

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PansPride
Knowflake

Posts: 85
From: Southern Cincinnati
Registered: Aug 2005

posted August 27, 2006 12:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PansPride     Edit/Delete Message
Since im in a socializing kind of mood, and I've much experience with this i'll share some input.

Alisa, I met her when I was 19, 7 Years ago, i was instantly attracted to her, she was dating my Friend. Shortly after I started dating her Friend, got engaged to her, broke it off, and remained friends with Alisa. We were close when she was around, that is when her Archer arrow shot in my direction. By some strange circumstance, i was rooming with her EX and she shows up my door one day.

KNOCK, KNOCK, I get off my half stoned arse, anwser the door, and there she stands, looks like hell, her hair was a mess, she was wearing sweat pants, and looked like she hadn't slept in days.

"Hey, stranger" I said
"Hey, I tried to call you but no one would give me your Number, I ran into ____ yesterday and she told me where you were staying so I thought I'd drop by." She mentioned
"Well I've been here with Tim (her ex) for about 3 months, we both agreed that in order for us to succed at living together we'd have to Leave the Past behind us, that's why I told everyone not to give out the Number" I stated
"Ohh, so he's gonna be mad that I'm here?" she says
"I haven't seen you in Months, who cares what he thinks?" I say Inconsideratly "come In"

Anyway after about 3 hours of small talk, catching up and that, out of the blue she gazes at me and says, "Donnie?"
"yes?" i say
"I love you" She says
"I love you too." I say
"No, I LOVE YOU!" She says loudly and deeply
"..." My usual response when i get caught off guard.
I didn't say anything, i remember just Kissing her deeply, something I had wanted to do for years, it was rather relieving.
Well needless to say from then on it went from age old friends with connections, past, history, to a Relationship. I Moved her in, forced out my old roomate, (he wasn't paying his bills) we had a baby, decided to get married, and you might know I just recently decided I wasn't ready for that Commitment.

Amber, I met her about 5 years ago, she was 17 I think, and I was best friends with her brother. There was an Instant connection between us, we were so close for so long. We hung out together, talked about our relationships. She was almost like a little sister to me. I'm not sure and still not too sure if she ever desired me, I might never know, but there was an interest with me there, I had never acted on it because of my closeness with her brother. (friendships to me are worth the sacrifice)And the situations never worked out. I stopped talking to her brother for reasons I can't and won't explain here, so I mostly lost contact with her, she had a baby, and Lived with this guy. I ran Into her last month, on her birthday actually 7/28 (me and fire signs...) I gave her my # which was rather inaporiate considering I was in a relationship, but it was Intended to just Catch up. But i still haven't talked to her.

I've tried to be friends with many women before dating them, and Either I get Impatient waiting for them to decided what the hell they wanna do and move on, i push them away, or there really isn't anything there.

Then there is this Girl...
We've been rather close for the last month, the catatlyst to my life. I find her totally Intriging, Exciting, and "Sunny". We have a good time when were together, we talk about tons of stuff, music, work, life, mysteries of the universe, philoshipy. I've tossed up the Idea of a relationship, Semi-serious to her, and she beats around the bush that she wants to do her thing. I've stated obviously that i'm way cool with that, as I want to do what I do also, and I've just come out of an Engagement, so something serious wouldn't be in the works. I'm content with where we are now, but we'll see what happens.

Basically My point is that in my experience, from what i do, and who I am, Friendship is sort of my game, see how well we can tolerate each other as friends, learn about her, what makes her tick, see if our interests match, and even too see from an outside prespective what they are like in another relationship, because it shows alot about a person. What they put up with, what they like about other people. Its how I analyze them to see if they are marriage, material, etc.
If they aren't, well Can't we just be Friends?

So can you be friends with the opposite sex without some Desire? No.. Can you be friends with them without sleeping, or having a relationship with them? Yes. But for me, there will always be that desire. Whether i act on it or not is the hardest decision.

Donald

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Aug 2006

posted August 27, 2006 03:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Hi,
I have my Mars in Aquarius, and i can vouch for it that I MUST be friends with a guy first. I totally agree with SavageScorpio. I hate it when a guy tries to be too friendly with me, obviously with the intention of asking me for a date. I know some people would take it as a compliment, but I feel that I have to 'know' the person first.
And I have had friendships of both types...just getting over a very serious crush i developed on someone after being friends for 1 year !

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Venus
Knowflake

Posts: 145
From:
Registered: Sep 2002

posted August 27, 2006 06:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venus     Edit/Delete Message
Yep

Very good friends with an ex and go out together occasionally. Even went on holiday together last year.

Him Sag Sun, Virgo Moon. Me Pisces Sun, Sag moon.

And there is no physical attraction there anymore although there once was loads of passion.

Venus

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miss_muffet
Knowflake

Posts: 427
From:
Registered: Mar 2004

posted August 29, 2006 08:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
Hello...

Yes. Two people of the opposite sex can definitely be friends, JUST FRIENDS.

I am definite about this because out of all my friends, I only have 2 "girl" friends. The rest are all guys.

This all stems from working in primarily male dominated industries - Transportation & Technology. About 95% of the people I meet are guys. It would be a shame if I don't think men and women can be friends because I would be very lonely .

Some of the most awesome friends I have are of the male species and I have known them for years! A few of them even helped me find jobs. I make it a point to call them up and invite them for drinks, lunches, dinners, etc. All very platonic. I have met most of their wives/girlfriends (they have also met my hubby) and have been friends with them, so no jealousy there.

Miss Muffet


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LeoLys
Knowflake

Posts: 63
From: North Florida,
Registered: Nov 2005

posted August 29, 2006 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeoLys     Edit/Delete Message
Personally, I do think men and women can be friends. Atleast women can be friends with men. I have had a few (very frew) men whom I was friends with and it never seemed like anything 'chemical' was there. Also, have male friends, ie: friends' hubbby's, inlaws, etc...whom I am friends with and don't feel any sexual tension.

Then, there are those men that I am friends with that I am very attracted to! But, we're just friends. And that is ok too. it's OK to be friends with people you are attracted to. right?

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katipo
Knowflake

Posts: 87
From: Paradise~New Zealand
Registered: Jul 2006

posted August 30, 2006 03:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for katipo     Edit/Delete Message
Though I think Men & Women can be friends, it's usually only in the work arena. In my experience, put a couple of bottles of beer down my male mates throat, and he'll hit on me.
(well maybe more than a couple) I hate it, I do enjoy good friendships with my girlfriends hubbys though, and trust them to not act if they feel the urge (I'd slap them into next week if they dared)

I am not a girly girl either, and I love my girlfriends, for me friendship=trust, and mostly I don't trust guys. (I work in a bar... I know what they're capable of)

I think it's also possible to feel a 'bond' over the 'net' for me a fun baggage free personality and having a laugh is very important, and that can be achieved without seeing the person.

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