posted August 22, 2006 02:49 PM         

The first time I met him, was on the eve of my 12th birthday. He came into town, took me, mom and sister out to eat at Burger King. Then we all went to a park and hung out for a few hours. He asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told him I wanted a piano-keyboard. He told me he would come back the next day with the biggest one he could find. I waited all day for him and he never showed. Never called.

The only other time I've talked to him was when I graduated high school. The phone call was very brief. During the call, I told him that I didn't consider him a part of my life and hung up.

Now, its 10 years later and I have questions. I wonder if I have brothers and sisters out there. I want to ask him how he could abandon his first child. A part of me wants to know what he is like, as a man. A part of me wants to know if I'm like him in some way.

I found his phone number but am scared to call him. I'm scared of being rejected again and I'm scared of being let down. I don't know if I would have anything nice to say to him, and part of me thinks that calling him would create so much stress that I should just forget about it. Another part of me has hope that getting to know him could heal parts of me. I've never had a dad, and it's never bothered me before. Now that I have my own son, I just cannot fathom disserting(sp?) a part of me, like he did.

Has anyone ever been through this? Does anyone know if it's just a transit making me feel this way? Have you ever made contact with a long gone parent? How did it go?

posted August 22, 2006 03:04 PM         

All that I can offer you is that I grew up without a dad because he and my mom divorced when I was 4 and we moved away and he never bothered to keep in contact. I was young then, but if I had known then what I do now, I would have made all attempts to get to know him, despite his seeming lack of interest in me and my younger brother.

Growing up without a dad has had huge impacts on me.

My two daughters now 18 and 14 are too growing up without a dad cause he took his own life 5 years ago. I am scared to death that they will have the same issues that I have worked so hard to heal that stem from not having a dad, or even a semi-decent father figure.

If you do not atleast try, you may never know. If you do try and fail, they alteast you tried and you can go on without wondering. If you try and succeed, well..that goes without saying!!!!!

Sening Peace, Love and Light

posted August 24, 2006 08:58 AM         

My parents separated when I was 3 months old. I grew up not knowing my dad, only in pictures.

My mom died when I was 20. I contacted my father for the first time when I was 21. I sent him a Christmas card after I got his address from an aunt.

We remain in contact to this day, 4x a year... He's in L.A., me in Canada. Saw him twice in my lifetime.

I was surprised to find that we have quite a bit of things in common... like, favorite coffee, food, cars, etc.

To this day, our relationship is luke warm. I don't think I can ever forgive him (although I am still trying) for not being a part of my life to whatever degree.

When I first met him, he tried to explain to me how he and my mom separated, naturally blaming her for everything. I stopped him. I told him I don't want to know. I loved my mom, with all her faults and his blame and anger is not going to change that. I think he was disappointed.

I am still battling with my own feelings toward him. I am not sure we will ever be as close as we would have been if we had been in constant touch through the years.

My suggestion to you, is to go ahead and contact him. I think it is better to know what the outcome is, than not to know. But that's just my opinion. If anything, it will be some sort of "closure"...

posted August 24, 2006 06:28 PM         

So, I called the number. Come to find out, it was my grandfather, not my father. He is 69 years old and so very sweet. He remembered me from 1 visit more than 25 years ago-- when I was 2. He told me he'd thought of me often and never thought he'd see or hear from me again! We talked for about 30 mins on the phone and during that time he made plans to visit me in October. He lives in Virginia, I'm in Georgia. He got all my information so that he could send me his side of the family tree.

He hasn't talked to my dad in years. As far as I can tell, my dad is a real screw-up, but my grandfather is a very sweet man. I can't wait to meet him! I may not have a relationship with my father, but I feel so happy to have re-connected with his side of the family.

posted August 24, 2006 09:45 PM         

How wonderful!! See, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. THE UNIVERSE IS A DIVINE AND PERFECTLY ORDERED PLACE!!!

OMG your story makes my heart melt!!!