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Author Topic:   lost faith
Venus De Milo
Knowflake

Posts: 203
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2006

posted September 04, 2006 11:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venus De Milo     Edit/Delete Message
I don't know if any of you remember all the heartache I went through with my supposed "soul mate" during the Mercury Retrograde, but even though I feel mostly over it, I can't get over how sad I am that we still aren't talking and the fact that I feel so disillusioned with love and astrology.

I still believe in astrology... somewhat... but its just lost it's magic for me somehow.

I don't see how if astrology was really real, then how could it have turned out this way?! How could he just not care?? How could he be so indifferent to me?

At the time, I felt like I came on too strong and I was too demanding or something, but recently, I've had the tables turned and I've had someone I looked at as only a friend I care about tell me they love me and think I am so perfect for them... and the way that played out once it came to a head... WHOA. He sure did flip out for a second and bombarded me with voicemails and text messages and emails.

But it made me realize that I did not act AT ALL inappropriately with my "soul mate" the way I thought I had... I only sent him two emails, 5 days apart and then called him ONCE two days after the last email. Then I left him alone and did not bother him again. That was July 10th.

I feel sad and disillusioned when I think of it all. I don't want him anymore. I just wish I knew what happened, I wish I knew why the hell he said he loved me just a week before it all went to sh*t . Why would you say that to someone and then refuse to answer emails and disappear from their lives altogether?

And people say that we Aquarians are cold and cruel. I would NEVER do that to someone.

My email just asked him to be honest and if he didn't feel the same anymore to just please tell me, that it was okay, but I would really appreciate his honesty.

Anyhow... I find it hard to believe in astrology since we have so many soul mate indicators and I can't believe that he's my soul mate if he could traet me like this and be so cold and unfeeling.

I am so skeptical. I don't want to waste my time reading charts anymore. I feel like a fool.

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and
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: Meet me in Montauk
Registered: Jun 2006

posted September 05, 2006 12:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message
you can still be soulmates even if it doesnt work out, just because it didnt last forever, doesnt mean it was a waste, he came into your life for a reason, i was where you were a month or so ago...time heals everything, and i know what youre feeling...

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

-Khalil Gibran

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Venus De Milo
Knowflake

Posts: 203
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2006

posted September 05, 2006 01:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venus De Milo     Edit/Delete Message
It's not that it didnt work out or that he doesn't want to be with me, that's okay.

Hard to swallow, but okay.

It's the indifference. And why he twisted me up into this knot of feelings, telling me he loved me... only to walk away as if it never happened, as if I don't exist, as if I don't even rate an explanation.

That kills me.

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Lialei
Knowflake

Posts: 865
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted September 05, 2006 01:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lialei     Edit/Delete Message
so sorry you're hurting this way.

Get p*ssed, indignant and defiant!
Because you do deserve better consideration.

No, it doesn't sound as if you were too aggressive or inappropriate.
Don't blame yourself...don't lose your beliefs because of it. He has his own issues, but they're not yours.
As for astrology, maybe there was more to the charts that you haven't noticed or realized yet...but when the time is right and you're looking back more objectively, you will. Astrology is funny that way.

Sometimes we never get a chance for closure...that's the most tormenting thing.

Hang in there, ok?

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and
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: Meet me in Montauk
Registered: Jun 2006

posted September 05, 2006 03:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message
its like im reading an old post from a long time ago i wrote...i know how you feel, been there, it heals...

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

-Khalil Gibran

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Venus De Milo
Knowflake

Posts: 203
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2006

posted September 06, 2006 02:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venus De Milo     Edit/Delete Message
what sucks is that a few weeks ago i felt completely zen about the situation and i dont know why all these sad feelings have come back now... i wish i could be free of it all and stop thinking about him.

on an intellectual level i know he's not even that great. he's a jerk, and he might be cute, but big deal!!! there are a million cute guys out there. why can't i forget this one?

i'm totally not ready to re-examine our astrology, it just brings up all my bitterness and cynicism.

i don't like being bitter and cynical. especially about love.

i can honestly say i acted with pure integrity and kindness in all my dealings with him. he could never say the same for me.

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and
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: Meet me in Montauk
Registered: Jun 2006

posted September 06, 2006 02:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message
it still hurts, i feel pretty distant from it all, but once and awhile a memory makes me cry...im still healing....you deserve someone who wants you the way you want them....i hope faith will find you again...

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

-Khalil Gibran

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 1201
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 06, 2006 10:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Don't lose faith, We all fall down once or twice some a few times..Get up and keep moving. its not who falls down its who has the strength to get up and get up and get up. I have fallen down quite a few times myself, but I get up and I get up and I get up. I vowed to learn from my past hurts and become a tower of strength so that I can help my friends and ppl in my life that are going through what I have gone through.

If you think that your situation is bad think about the women that are getting their butts whipped by alcholic husbands,women that have so low self esteem that they are letting men pimp them( prostitutes) Push past the pain and move on don't lose faith because then you may miss out on something good really good coming your way or just simply peace and joy..

I will never lose faith, I can't be broke..No matter what I endure..

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Venus De Milo
Knowflake

Posts: 203
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2006

posted September 06, 2006 08:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Venus De Milo     Edit/Delete Message
Mama mia... thanks, you always have great advice. I will never lose my faith to the point where I don't believe in love or feel its okay to treat others badly and be closed off just because I got hurt once... no no no...

But I feel my loss of faith in astrology. I'm very skeptical now. I can't help it.

It all strikes me as a barrel of hogwash and I can't see myself wasting my time with it, pouring over charts, like I used to.

I feel very disillusioned...

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 962
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted September 06, 2006 09:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
I understand what you're saying about astrology and how you feel let down by it.

Just for a second though, set astrology aside and look at this guy and what the experience means to you, because that's what's going on.

How long did you know this guy? Did you know him long or for a short while?

What he has done are his issues, there could be a number of reasons why he did what he did. Maybe he likes women to fall in love with him and he does this repeatedly, who knows.

What is really important are your feelings and why you feel so let down by this experience and this guy? Sometimes it's easy to be led along by words and the promises it brings. These are just thoughts, I don't know what really happened of course.

I've been where you are though, and disappointed and fell crashing down after being in love with someone, only to find out it was all just words. The anger level is unbelievable and what it comes down to are your expectations in something and those expectations aren't met.

A very wise Aquarian once said to me that at the bottom of anger and disappointment are expectations that we have about something we want to see happen.

Don't give up on love. Just listen to yourself inside for awhile and let the emotions connected to this fade away, which they will.

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