posted September 25, 2006 07:55 PM         

Over the summer, A LOT of things changed in my life. One of which, was that I dated this guy just for the summer, and it ended before I left back for college. I know, and felt, that it was a karmic relationship. I felt completely out of control with the whole situation. Whenever we broke up I felt as if a part of my whole world was ripped away from me (except I was over it quickly later, knowing the whole lesson in the whole relationship.. which is a sign of a karmic relationship!). He definitely opened up my eyes, unintentionally, to this person inside of me, I haven't been the same.

Whenever we were together, I felt as if I had a different connection with him. I felt as if I wanted to help him grow, and I continually gave him advice about life and how to be happy and told him about the beautiful things. We were strangely intrigued by each other. And he really isn't that special of a guy, he didn't treat me all that spectacular, but the connection was so much different.

Whenever we broke up, I made sure to tell him how I felt about the whole situation. He really didn't know why he did it, and I felt as if it was a cop out to the fact that I was leaving for school. He still stalked me afterwards, online, and continually read my blog (to me, a sign of someone who can't stay away). I didn't have any urge to read about him, or hear about him.

Right around the lunar eclipse, I ended up going back to my home town to see some friends. One of the nights I was there I had a horrible feeling that had to do with him, and I ended up spending all night meditating and trying to "release" the ties that were between us. Strangely enough, the next day, I ran into him four times, the first time since I had been gone. The last that I saw of him, he actually came to the restaurant we were at, knowing that I was there, and I couldn't get over the absolutely depressing vibes I recieved from him. I felt like he was sending me these signals to stay (I put A LOT on non verbal communication) but I ended up leaving anyway. THEN I ended up becoming as emotional as he was (he was also on drugs) and went home, trying to release the bonds again.

I guess maybe this sounds weird? But it's easy for me to meditate, I ended up having to spend hours and hours breaking the bonds, where he, during my meditation.. told me he wanted me to be his mother. He told me he didn't want me to go away. I finally broke the bonds, was able to sleep, and the next day felt absolutely horrible.

And then it has came to this past weekend, I haven't heard much from him since, or thought about him. A day after the solar eclipse (odd), a friend of mine who was with him called me, and he said that he wanted to tell me hi. It was strange, because he had pretended to be so bitter to me for months, yet would still attempt to know about me without me knowing... After our breakup, also, he was only kind to me when he was intoxicated (for example, one night he told me how he regretted so much of what he did to me, but the next day treated me like scum.)

That relationship, along with many others of mine, is an example of these relationships I continually keep on getting into. Each of these people it's so hard for me to get away from, and I feel as if each of them wants to "learn" from me. Except, each of these people ends up hating me in the process, but loving me at the same time.. leaving me with their love/hate feelings. I can't help but think maybe I am someone who is supposed to heal them, spiritually. Another example of this is the fact that I have a twin brother, a twin brother with Asperger's Syndrome (mild form of autism), my family and I can't help but think there is a reason for that, like I am supposed to help him in some way..

I feel awful now, though. I want to talk to him so bad, and just send him an email asking him how things are. I've had people tell me it's just a waste of time, and not to do it, because he doesn't care, but I feel like that is not true. I have such a strong urge to see how he is, but I feel like maybe that might not be the best bet for me. Has anyone else had a situation like this? Can anyone else give me advice?

I feel as if there's more behind this, or maybe I'm just living in dream land. I do not want to get into a relationship with him again, but I feel like I love him in a different way, in a friend way. I really don't know why, either.

posted September 26, 2006 06:45 AM         

Yes it does sound like some kind of karma with the push/pull and yet it may not be karma with you and he directly.

You mention that he takes drugs and this is an indication of somebody who is used to dealing with issues by escapism, his irratic behaviour indicates this also. I imagine he has got feelings for you and he has Dutch courage to express these when drinking and when sober he withdraws through fear.

Perhaps it is worth talking to him at some point, there must be unfinished business or you wouldn't be asking for advice. However from what you've said I don't imagine he will suddenly have courage enough to deal with a relationship in which he has to bare his true self - he does sound like somebody who doesn't like who he is and this would probably drag you down also. (Especially as you mention negative vibes pulling at your aura - another note; regular drug taking can cause a kind of vacuum/hole in somebody's aura).

Ideally I would say be good to him, offer your friendship if he needs it and at the same time try to move on with your life. It may be that you can inspire him to have more faith in himself by seeing that in him..

Astrologically I'm wondering if you have a Moon-Chiron or Venus-Chiron conjunction? Your chart may give me an idea as to why these patterns keep emerging in your life.

posted September 26, 2006 11:12 AM         

I don't have any conjunctions with venus, the only ones I have with my moon are a moon/saturn conjunction and a moon/uranus conjunction.

I do have several other aspects with chiron that I know of..
moon opposition chiron
venus trine chiron
saturn opposition chiron
and juno trine chiron

posted September 26, 2006 12:16 PM         

Well finding Chiron aspecting your Moon and Venus is interesting indeed. Now, I wonder; where do the 7th, 5th and 11th Houses fit into this picture?

I also have a Moon-Saturn conjunction and sometimes find this appears to others as very self-sufficient and emotionally standoffish. Really I think we tend to feel things incredibly deeply but protect these emotions because we are concerned they would not be well received/accepted. There is great strength in this conjunction... As with any Saturn placement the native learns through hard work and error and is forced to eventually master this area, or the self is confined. Saturn indicates our life lessons, the Nodes do too but where Saturn will learn through difficult the Nodes seem to experience through soul fulfilment.

If you want to PM me your chart details I can take a quick look if you like?

posted September 26, 2006 12:20 PM         

march 21 1987, 6:24 PM carbondale, IL

Is that enough, or do you want me to send the actual data (which i would do, but i'm not on my computer where its saved..)

i think that the one thing at this moment that i've been told (by just about everyone) that i really need to figure out is why i keep on getting into these relationships such as the one above, and if it's something i can't or don't want to stop, maybe figure out how to curve it in a different way..

posted September 27, 2006 10:46 AM         

I'll take a look and get back to you here if that's okay. It was only after I posted my reply that I realised there was no private message facility after all (I haven't posted very much).

So long as you don't mind me discussing your chart in public then I'll do so.

All the best, Earthycoco

posted September 27, 2006 05:53 PM         

I think that you have all the peices of the puzzle...you just need to put them together! From the information you having posted I agree that you have a great karmic mission in this life that has to do with "helping and healing" those that are suffering. I believe that this relationship you have recently had has been karmic in that it has forced you to truely analyze the karmic messages being sent to you.

It may not be necessary to make contact with this man again, because even though you feel compelled to finish the 'unfinished buisiness' I am getting the message that it is for a different reason that he has been in your life. Perhaps he is the red flag that is letting you know that you do indeed need to help many individuals out there, and now that you are beginning to understand this you can precede to educate and prepare yourself on how to do so in the future. All the similar relationships you have spoken are probably your higher self's way of introducing you to the types of people you may have to deal with in the future, and how to deal with them and what to expect from them. This may be a learning experience for a future karmic mission in the life or in a future lifetime. I would not be troubled, because it appears to me that your higherself is directing things 'according to plan.' It is your personal choice whether or not you should contact him again. If your emotions are too strong to clearly meditate on this then I would suggest that you let go for the moment and let the answer come to you appropriatly. I have been in the same situation before and I find that waiting until my the waters of my mind are clear and smooth before taking action is best. Sometimes you can see a distant island across the sea during a storm, but one should wait until the skies have cleared before deciding if they should visit that island or leave it be.

good luck ..

Love and light

posted September 29, 2006 02:39 PM         

I've been noticing that there are more people in my life who I have come in contact with who do need help, but I've almost taught myself to back away from them quickly. I don't know if that's the right thing to do, or what. I guess time will only tell.

I think that as far as me contacting him first, there are times when I want to but I'm doubtful, and times when I do not want to at all, knowing that it is best to leave it as it is. I think that's because I really shouldn't right now, I shouldn't have doubts.

posted September 30, 2006 11:23 AM         

I ended up running into him last night, he was nice enough, but not sober.

What did happen, though, was him stealing every bit of good energy and feelings I had and I didn't even have to be around him but for a few minutes. This happened last time I was around him, I guess that it's true that someone who abuses drugs almost has a vacuum/hole in their aura. Interesting.

posted October 07, 2006 08:39 AM         

My apologies to you for not responding sooner. ~You are not forgotten it just takes a certain tranquility to really look at somebody's chart and that's something I have been lacking a little.

I did try and pop in a few days ago but the site didn't exist at that time (bizarre!)

I'm hoping to get a few moments to reply to you on Monday. In the meantime it sounds like you are moving forward and I'm glad for you.

posted October 09, 2006 11:39 AM         

I'm looking forward to the results, though. Hope things are going well and that things become more tranquil soon.