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Author Topic:   HELP ME!!!!!! Please?
The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1421
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 24, 2006 03:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
I apologise for begging. But if there's only one more thing I can ever ask help from other knowflakes with again- then it's this.

The story: There's this Capricorn who I was completely enamoured of for years now and I had been talking with for over a year and a half online (I didn't get to see him too often. He's in a band). I fancied him so much and as I got older and we talked more he fancied me. But he was ashamed of fancying a then 15 year old. However, we sort of began a secret internet relationship but nothing more and he messed me about and well, broke my heart. Going hot and cold. Ignoring me for periods of time. And there were other girls he loved. After half a year of tears I finally decided I had to shut any feeling I had for him out.
Then soon after I met this guy, a Sagittarian and we kind of started going out. We fancy each other and he says he loves me, thinks about me, cares about me and bought me a cuddly toy
Now I think he's great. But, the horrible thing is I don't like him as much as the Cap. Everything was great between us and i didn't realise this until the Cap started contacting me again. He texted twice asking why i was so quiet and I tried to ignore them but then the other day i went on IM and he was online. He was being really pleasant and I was so so angry and bitter towards him, all my resentment for what he did to me pouring out. He claimed he didn't know how much i liked him and thought what we had was just a bit of fun but kept saying sorry, sorry! That he'd do anything to have me forgive him! How bad he felt. And he sent me an email (which i will post in a sec) and we talked later again. And he wants to make it up to me and take me out but i told him I have a boyfriend. The Cap promises he won't mess my heart up again but it's unfair to dump someone who's done nothing wrong for someone who's done a lot wrong and he knows that. And we can't help that we both want to meet up now because we did have this history and friendship but I don't know if I could bring myself to dump the lovely Sag, especially when this could all backfire and I could be left with no one and deserve it. Naively, I've been trusting the Love Oracle a bit too much but coincidently everything it's said has come true so far and it swears something will happen between me and the Cap.

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1421
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 24, 2006 03:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
Okay. This is embarrassing for me to type out but I can't copy and paste. So here goes, this is the message the Capricorn sent me. (sic) (except I starred out my name)

i've been thinking about everything you said today in great detail and i'm afraid i've only just seen the extent of my dickheadness (yes that is a word)

i did like you. i liked you a lot. but rather than just be honest about it i tried to keep it a secret. i tried to control you and make you keep it a secret and you shouldn't have been put in that position. i should have just called you and asked you out!

i know its pretty unforgivable but i guess i was ashamed of liking you. i was embarrassed of what people might think of me being involved with a 15/16 year old. i should have been honest from the start. i should have been proud of how i felt about you. you are a wonderful person. you're beautiful and ridiculously smart. funny, (although sometimes without realising it). and *******, i fancied you like crazy too! you were not some other girl. (not that there even are other girls) i thought about you much more than you realised. when i'm on tour i often think about you. and i am jealous of your boyfriend. he's a ****ing lucky guy and i'm sure he realises more than i did.

in my own time, i'm gonna tell the band how i felt about you and what ****ing **** i was. let them know how weak i was.

i'm so sorry. i don't know if this will help. probably not. i'd still love to meet up some time if you're ever up for it. xxxx (4 kisses)

I'll probably delete this post soon since i feel guilty about slapping my private mail all over a forum but I figured that it's relevant... It does mean a lot to me but before anyone gets the wrong idea he did tell me earlier he doesn't love me. I was going a bit nuts and throwing the word love around so that's why.

If anyone wants me to post any astrological information just say.
But yes... please give me some advice, anybody, please, i've never been so stuck in my life. I can't believe I'm saying this but, who do i choose?

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 1860
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted October 24, 2006 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Nope stick with your current Beau now..

Later for him you study long you study wrong. We all have to learn our lessons. Now he see's that you have moved on and he got a revelation, its ok but stay where you are for now. If things do not work out with you and present one then maybe reconsider if time permits. If it is meant to be it will happen anyway. He should have treasured you at first. OR atleast told you how he felt.

I remember how bad you felt about this guy..Sucker..Do you...

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1421
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 24, 2006 03:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
Mama Mia- Thank you so much for posting your opinion! It's all gonna help me.

Do I? Do I remember how bad I felt about this guy? Yeah! Of course. A part of stuff like this never leaves you
It's hard for me to just accept your answer and advice though. Obviously, because if it was that easy to just choose one, i wouldn't need to post this. And I still have feelings for the Cap, which makes me long not to let him go. This is important. as it makes everything more difficult.

Still, thank you for the vote of confidence MM! I shall bear it in mind.

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 1860
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted October 24, 2006 03:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Well if you still have feelings I can understand that, hell I have been there a few times myself..Good luck..

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3674
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted October 24, 2006 03:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Please stay with the sag. I've seen to many situations like this where the person actually does go back to the "other one"...and the ending ain't pretty.

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lotusheartone
Knowflake

Posts: 11061
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005

posted October 24, 2006 03:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lotusheartone     Edit/Delete Message
my onion is..it's not fair to your current boyfriend..your not in LOve with him..you are in LOve with the Goat..Follow your Heart...

Unconditional LOve and Understanding. ...

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1421
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 24, 2006 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
Ohhh crimony. This is bad. This is like doing eenie meenie to choose which cake you want to eat and end up picking the cake didn't really want.
MM, Dulce Luna (thanks for posting), you're telling me the right thing but I don't want to hear it! Why is that?! Oh no.

lotusheartone- You're right. It's not fair to the Sag. But the Goat doesn't love me.
The Cap said himself I'm not doing myself any favours being with someone I like but don't "really really like". When I was talking about the Love Oracle his idea for my question was "Should i dump this guy who really likes me who i like for this other guy who's not sure about his feelings but who i might like more?"
The problem is, disgustingly enough, me and the Cap ARE better suited and we get each other's humour and each other's interests and accept them and we both have pretty bad OCD. lol.
But I don't know whther to risk everything. And I badly don't want to hurt the Sag for doing nothing wrong...... Oh this is an awful situation!!!!

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lotusheartone
Knowflake

Posts: 11061
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005

posted October 24, 2006 04:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lotusheartone     Edit/Delete Message
He said he doesn't LOve you..okay..but..you still LOve him..but you are happy with your boyfriend..but you can't stop thinking of the Goat...

hmmmm..you need to be alone..it's not fair to be with someone..just be with someone..you must LOve the person you choose with all your Heart..

Lonliness..is not a reason to be in a relationship..for one should be happy alone..and LOve OneSelf..

Only you can decide..ask GodMOther and GodFather..and wait for the Answer..and affirmations. ...

Ggod Luck!

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1428
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted October 24, 2006 04:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with lotusheartone,

it is not fair to the saggi if you are with him but have feelings for someone else. altho going back to the cap sounds like a bad idea too. tough decision !!

take a break from both these guys, and look into your heart. see what you really want to do!

best wishes
ILWL

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tinasparkle
Knowflake

Posts: 161
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2006

posted October 24, 2006 04:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tinasparkle     Edit/Delete Message
Mutable,

This is only my opinion but I have always believed that if a man behaves badly, i.e. cheats,toys with your emotions,betrays you,etc. he did it because on some level he believed it was okay. If he thought it was alright once, not only does that suggest that his character is questionable, but he is also likely to do it again. Just my thought, but it sounds like this Sag fellow is really lovely and the Cap is a cad.

Tinasparkle

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phoenix1111
Knowflake

Posts: 86
From: United States
Registered: Oct 2006

posted October 24, 2006 05:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for phoenix1111     Edit/Delete Message
Hi

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1421
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 24, 2006 05:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you, ILWL... good advice.
Thank you, Tinasparkle, in a sense I agree with you. You *are* right. In theory. But. And I have seen this with other people. Sometimes you go back to people and it is painful but only because you can't help yourself you can't not go back. It's terrible but then there is fate and i do believe things happen for a reason.

phoenix1111- Yes. I believe in following your heart and definitely get the not knowing what you have til it's gone thing. I'm interested in your story and happy you do both still love each other! (Are you sextile by any chance?) One fundemental difference- you two loved each other. With us- he fancies me and I obsessively fancied him and we like each other a lot. Love can only be achieved in person with someone right?
Similarly, i don't love the Sag, but we've only just started dating and I don't know what the potential is.

Lots of you take my good Scorp friend's opinion that it's too late and he's had his chance. But... what about second chances? Has no one heard of that? And when is something bad enough not to warrant a second chance? Or at least a forgiveness. And if I forgive him.... i'm his again.

Anyone remember what Linda said about trining couples? Oh i think Linda used the word love. If the couple loved. What about just a sort of pull? Something binding?

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Stargazer
Knowflake

Posts: 1108
From: Columbus OH USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted October 24, 2006 05:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stargazer     Edit/Delete Message
MNF

Hi sweetie... eenie meeni miny mo.. lol...sounds good to me.. no, not really... When i read your post, the first thing that popped at me (and this is my Aries moon talking) was that he only wants it because you are now with someone else. You made the move.. to move on. He had his chance and he feels he blew it. I think sometimes men/women think that they've got this "thing" in the wings that will always be there. He knew how you felt...and i don't think he was really all that scared... I think the Cap will just break your heart again.. I wouldn't be too willing to just hand over the pieces again....
And ya know what? It might not be the Sag that you fall for... it may be some other lovely man who deserves you and sets your heart free... he could be just around the corner...
I smelt a rat when i read his mail to you.. although it was sweet in a way... it just didn't strike me as sincere...
Trust your instincts and your intuition..
With the same big three as you.. (and btw if i do my chart using koch, all my stuff falls in the 8th house too.) In hindsight, had i trusted my gut about just such things i would not have steered myself wrong...
People show you "who" they are... and when they do... it's best to believe them...

I think lotus is right... you need to step back from both guys and search your soul for what is going to be best for you..
Don't fret too much about hurting the Sag... He will respect your honesty, no matter what you decide to do. I don't think it's wrong to date someone else.. when your feelings (up until now) were unrequited. It is the logical step in moving on...

Love to you...

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cappy
Knowflake

Posts: 90
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 24, 2006 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy     Edit/Delete Message

Mutable, how old are you now?
I'm a romantic...I think that his letter is so sweet. I feel bad for the Sag but no one can tell you to stick it out with someone that you don't love. Love is a gamble: you may go back to that cap and it doesn't work out but it may also work out. No one can tell no matter what their personal experiences have been or how many situations like yours exist out there. Your situation will always be unique. The only thing that will hold you when the going gets tough is knowing that you did the right thing and followed your heart wherever it may lead you.
People get dumped everyday. So the Sag will get through it...Though, don't dump him in a bad way if you so chose . Be sensitive. and maybe you may need to be single for a while to be able to not act on too much emotions.
and finally, his email to you touched me deeply. He sounded really sincere. and so what if he didn't return your feelings at first...as long as he didn't disrespect you while knowin how you felt.
Good luck

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themysteryclub
Knowflake

Posts: 318
From: United States of America
Registered: Nov 2005

posted October 25, 2006 01:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for themysteryclub     Edit/Delete Message
The Mutable Night Force- I feel your angst. I think that it would be very unfair to the sagittarian to stay with him...I also think it woulod be very unfair to yourself to stay with him...but I also think that going back to the capricorn is a disaster waiting to happen. I think that you should be alone for awhile, like lotusheartstone says, because you need to give yourself some love and take a break from the love tangles. I think you should follow your heart and do what you think is right...only be sure to make sure that your higherself is speaking through your heart and guiding you It may be the case that you will have to be in a relationship with the capricorn in order for this chapter of your life to finsih. But maybe a taking a break from relationships will be illuminating. Whatever you decide, I send my support and light

peace and goodluck,
TMC

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cancerrg
Knowflake

Posts: 2353
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 25, 2006 06:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message
As far as i can make out ( i just read your first two posts only ) its not love with any one of your friends , you are at the fancing them satge only ( dont get me wrong, fancying someone is always the first step to love in practical life )
so it comes down to staright loyalty to the person concerned , thats what ethics are and thats why you shouldn't stop seeing the sag .
that actually is a conscience thing , see if your conscience allows it ( its a difficult situation , even i am not sure if i would be able to stick with my words but i hope i would try )

so let your cap friend know , there is no bad blood between you two but you would rather stick your words . that way , you would let yet another facet ( honesty ) of your personality be known to the cap ( which he hopefully would like ) and at the same keep the doors open for your self incase something untoward happens between you and sag .

and btw, does that mean its the end of the story for my fellow crab ! poor crab

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1421
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 25, 2006 06:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
HmmHmmmhmmmm.....


Stargazer- Thank you for your post hunny! Okay... first thing... I know for a fact he does not only want me now because I'm with someone else... he began apologising and asking me out before I told him about the Sag. And told me after he was not saying these things cos of my boyfriend. Oh, and I know I am not the most astute person in the world, but I honestly believe his mail was sincere! Thank you for your advice though- you're right, I need to take a step back.

cappy- Hey, I'm a meagre 16 I'm afraid. His letter is sweet cos a part of me knows a part of him very well and that part understands him completely. If that makes any sense. Yes... I'm beginning to think, know... more and more that me and the Sag aren't really right. It's sad cos it could have been a good 'thing' but it's not *amazing*. Me and the Cap always shared feelings of lust but... i don't know what's different now. But something is. He realises how unfortunately sensitive I am.
Thanks for your post and advice cappy!

TMC- Btw, I love your flashy emoticons! No, I know it would be unfair. That's true. that's why i feel the pressure to make a decision. Everyone's saying be alone and that's a good idea... It's just hard for me to want to face that again cos I've been so alone for so long. Thank you for your support and light it's much appreciated.

cancerrg- Hiya cancerrg my dear- Thank you for posting! The truth is yes, I don't really love either of them. But I like the Sag and really like... and I'm drawn to, the Cap. I *have* known him longer. And... well.... he 'gets' me. Your advice is morally sound but is it right to stay with someone out of obligation? Is that really fair?
Aww... and the Cancer! I adore the crab and always will but I really don't think he's interested in me properly.


Today, the Cap was being very realistic and saying although he promises not to be a jerk again he can't promise anything more and we can only try it and see what happens. He suggested I stay with the Sag but we meet up sometime anyway and don't tell him, then after me and the Cap spending some time together in real life I can make a proper decision then. I gotta admit this idea had already crossed my mind. It was my main option! But is this okay to do? I mean, we would only we going somewhere as friends. To see if the spark is there. Ahhh... this sounds bad. What can I say? Neither me or the Cap are the most morally grounded people in the world....

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miss_muffet
Knowflake

Posts: 625
From:
Registered: Mar 2004

posted October 25, 2006 08:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
OMG!!!

Sorry to say this but please WAKE UP! This Cap guy is playing you for the fool and you are letting him!

If a guy really likes you and wants you and loves you, he will NOT ask you to stay with the Sag. In my humble opinion, he wants you but will not do anything about it or he's afraid of committment. Either way, he's a loser.

Please do yourself a favour and forget him. Dump him like a hot potato if he's not going to make true what he says he feels. He's dangling you on like a school girl and you are totally letting him.

I am more concerned about your well being. I have seen this many many times in the past. You are into getting yourself hurt.

Here's my two cents. If he really likes you, tell him you want to be with him and he has to take responsibility with the relationship. If he can't, then there is no sense keeping this going. STOP meeting him and get on with your life.

Please.......

Just on a side note, you mentioned he's in a band... Do they go on the road much? Do you know what goes on when the band go on the road? I have lots to tell you but I'm afraid you might NOT want to know. Are you really up to dating an absentee bf?


Miss Muffet

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and
unregistered
posted October 25, 2006 09:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message
I say follow your heart. You'll never know, plus youre young and you need to make mistakes to truly learn(as long as its what you really want, making foolish choices for the sake of it isnt a good idea)..

the only problem i have is this cap saying the not "really really like" part. fvckin a-hole, i would of given him a ear load, i couldnt deal with a guy saying that to me(leo venus). maybe its a way for him to keep a distance and not build it up and nothing happens? he sounds confused, and wants to see "whats there"...i dont blame him, he wants you to stay with the sag so you cant blame him if you guys dont work out, so hes trying to keep it safe, which is understandable...

either way, just keep your distance(emotionally) if you do go meet up with capi without telling sagi just make sure you can not get your hopes up, dont let him know how you feel, im sure youre curious, i dont blame you..

following your heart is best. good luck.

ps- do you have capi's chart?

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

-Khalil Gibran

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phoenix1111
Knowflake

Posts: 86
From: United States
Registered: Oct 2006

posted October 25, 2006 02:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for phoenix1111     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Mutable, Yes we are tile. I am a Scorp gal. It's a longgggg story. I am very aggressive personality and he is more laid back and shy, sensitive, but very manly. He would probably be mortified if anyone knew how he is underneath his cold, detached surface, But , I know. Anyway, it's not all peachy, though. I struggle with letting go when he is clamming up, which he still does and is doing right now. I know he will come around in his own time, but it's not easy to deal with them when you've hurt them, even when it's unintentional. LOL! talk to scorpluv in soul unions, she knows alot about the cappy men!

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CapGirl
Knowflake

Posts: 405
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006

posted October 25, 2006 02:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CapGirl     Edit/Delete Message
Wow... feel like I could've written this topic myself as far as Sag. guy vs. Cap. guy and the dynamics of the triangle here. Phoenix1111 is telling it straight as far as how Cap. men are... they are slooooooow to admit their feelings and make any "I love you" declaration; they are cautious and are very prone to withdrawing. Your cap. guy's approach to you and this situation is very typical and does not surprise me. I know of a handful of different women who have been dating Cap. men for 3, 4, 5 years and still do not have an official "label" of commitment/relationship but the actions of the Cap. are more telling than getting a label or confession out of them.

I dated the Sag. guy who was wonderful, adoring of me, etc. while continuing to pine for and think of the Cap. the entire 6 months, even though the Cap. was not actively pursuing me. I still ended up eventually pushing the Sag. away (3 times) and finding ways to break up with him because I was so conflicted and pulled in another direction.

I think the compromise solution is best and thought of it right off the bat of your first post. Why chose now? You might cool it off and back off a bit w/ the Sag. but still continue spending time w/ him while you see what happens w/ the Cap.

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miss_muffet
Knowflake

Posts: 625
From:
Registered: Mar 2004

posted October 25, 2006 06:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
Hi there again,

Just wanted to add that before you start with the "secret, do not tell the Sag" rendezvous, I would like you to put yourself in the Sag's shoes.

How would you feel if the one you love is out rendezvous'ng with someone else? How would that make you feel? and what would you rather him do: break up with you or keep you tagging along as a "backup" girlfriend?

If you really are falling for the Cap, then you should break up with the Sag. Give him a chance to go out and find someone else that will love him with all their heart. If you really care about the Sag, then this would be the best thing for you to do.

What you are doing with the Cap behind the Sag's back is really selfish. It appears that you are keeping the Sag in your back pocket as a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with the Cap. That is very unfair to him.

All I know is that if my partner would rather be with someone else, that he tell me and we part ways, so I myself can find another love. If he does this behind my back and I find out; all hell will break lose.... I do have an Aries temper.


Miss Muffet

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 9143
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted October 25, 2006 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Hi there,

Lots of good advice here.

Anyone who knows you should know that you're not gonna go for the being alone option.

I don't honestly know what to say. You've pretty much heard it all. The things I agree with are:

- Cap's probably not ready for commitment
- Cap is playing it safe
- Sag's feelings are worthy of consideration
- A musician on the road may not be the best bet for fidelity

Sometimes what happens with us Caps is that we miss getting someone's attention. We may like you and entertain being with you, but mostly we just want that bit of adoration from you. That's what we come back for, and that's what we draw you back in for. Notice he's not tremendously jealous of the Sag, and tells you to stay with him. He can still get the adoration from you that he needs while you're with someone else, and that way he doesn't have to be responsible for your feelings or causing you or your boyfriend any distress.

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lotusheartone
Knowflake

Posts: 11061
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005

posted October 25, 2006 09:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lotusheartone     Edit/Delete Message
Ahhhhh..but his karma sure does..lol!

you get what you give. ...

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