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Author
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Topic: Need Cancer Man Help... QUICK... PLEASE!!!
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tinasparkle
Knowflake Posts: 151
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted November 07, 2006 04:49 PM
 
Okay, so as you all know, I am in a wonderful blossoming relationship with a Cancer male. We have known each other for several months and just recently had a declaration of our feelings for each other and became a couple. Well, I am trying to be as patient and prudent as possible, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to “keep my knees together and my feet on the floor”! We are going away this weekend and although I don’t think anything is going to happen as we are staying with friends and fooling around at their house would just be tacky, a girl likes to keep her options open. So, here is where I desperately need your help. It involves revealing a great deal about my self, but what am I to do.
I don’t have much experience with sex. I have had two lovers and neither of those relationships were ideal. I am not uncomfortable talking to my Cancer beau about this part, because he is tender and sweet and frankly given the Cancer need to nurture and secret desire to dominate; I think he will like the idea that I will need him to take me by the hand so to speak. However, I think he needs to know “why” the circumstance is such that I don’t have much experience and may be timid. You see, I was involved with a very abusive Aries. He was verbally a bully and when it came to our sex life, well he was frigid to say the least. What I did not know in the beginning was that he had an abusive childhood that may have involved some kind of sexual abuse and as a result, he was basically impotent. Rather than address the issue head on, he decided to blame me. When I would initiate anything, he would reject me and go to sleep. If I would respond to his advances, he would stop immediately. Everything I did was “wrong”. He would belittle me and tell me that I wasn’t “good enough” i.e. if I were taller and thinner and blond, tan and had breast implants—-which I might add would be total overkill--, etc. then he would be sexually attracted to me. I gained a few pounds—--because I was miserable—--and that gave him even more ammunition. I wasn’t in this relationship a terribly long time, maybe six months, but it was long enough that it had an impact on my self esteem and my sexual confidence, particularly since it was my first sexual experience. Following that relationship, I met a very loving Aquarian who happened to think I was the sexiest woman alive and made me feel very desirable, but wasn’t really into talking out problems. I was very timid in our sexual relationship and felt a little paralyzed. I didn’t initiate anything and could hardly respond. In truth, I barely moved. I tried to tell him how I was feeling and he would only respond by saying how beautiful I was and that the sex was great. I have been able to sort a lot of this issue out in self analysis and counseling, but I have yet to put things into practice. I haven’t been with anyone since that time.
I have no concern about the sexual relationship with my new Cancer love. He is kind and gentle, patient and true. He believes that if something is bothering you, you need to talk about it. I want to tell him that I need him to take me by the hand when the time comes, and I think that part is just fine. However, I feel that he needs to understand why I am timid and sometimes a little nervous but all the books say NEVER tell a Cancer man about previous partners. I don’t want to make him feel insecure or put him off by talking about sex I had with other men but I want him to understand so that we can sort this out together and he will know how to help me to feel safe and to relax. Your thoughts? Please help!!IP: Logged |
OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 310
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted November 07, 2006 05:34 PM
I don't think you need to go into details about your previous partners, as long as he knows a bit about the situations. He'll probably be more willing to take you by the hand if he feels he doesn't have any chandelier-swinging, screaming-orgasm, sexual experiences to compete with.
Thats what I think anyway, about anyone.Try to relax, you're doing great! IP: Logged |
tinasparkle
Knowflake Posts: 151
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted November 07, 2006 05:56 PM
Thanks. Fortunately I am very comfortable with him and relaxing should be easier that it might be with someone else. However, there were NO "chandelier-swinging, screaming-orgasm, sexual experiences" in fact, it was pretty unfulfilling and in the first situation, quite aweful. I wouldn't tell him in a way that owuld give him any details about my sex life with the Aquarius, just that he didn't talk about problems and the only part I would tell him about the Aries would be the abuse and belittling portion.IP: Logged |
cancerrg
Knowflake Posts: 2063
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted November 08, 2006 09:53 AM
yeah , thats pretty ok , i mean the way you are planning to put things in persepective .as far as i knowe and understand cancer men , the very first they would require in any realtion is pure honesty (but ofcourse that wouldn't mean , you shouldn't be tactical ) and that applies in the sex realtions as well . so what i feel is , tell him what ever you have palnned to and i believe thats perfect . i would suggest , just make it a point to make him feel that he is desired .
cancer men are essentially emotional people and thats why you get to see a lot of similarities with woman in the way the act in a realtion , in the way the have expectations from the realtion so better ask yourself , how would you approach in such a relation .
and guess , be starightforward and honest but make a point a that he knows , if you dont he will surely think ( it wouldn't be scorpionic suspicion ) you dont trust him enough to help you out in a situation ( again the helping -nurturing instincts )
so essentially it boils down to some simple basics , understand that and you understnd the ever confusing cancer men  IP: Logged |
tinasparkle
Knowflake Posts: 151
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted November 08, 2006 11:13 AM
Thank you so much CancerRG. I feel a lot better. I don't know that I will talk to him about it this weekend while we are away. Maybe we need to have a nice time of just holding each other first. Plus, he spent all last night composing a letter to me and I don't want to overshadow his heartfelt expression with my past issues. I think I will give us a week to focus on his feelings and expression and then share this issue I have when the timing feels right. IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Knowflake Posts: 159
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006
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posted November 08, 2006 11:47 AM
Tina,I must say that I have so much respect and admiration for you, and I'm so sorry to hear about your two previous lovers...the aries in particular. That is such a shame and no woman should have to deal with someone like that for their first sexual experience. My first boyfriend was a cancer male...grant it, this was some 10+ years ago, but he was my first love, my purest love, and the first person I ever slept with. I'm still so thankful for him to this day because he was so gentle, caring, and communicative with me. I know I was very lucky to have him as my first sexual experience because in my adult life I've remained open, responsive, and comfortable with the other lovers I've had which always makes the sex better. I'm also not afraid to be aggressive and vocal with a partner about what it is that I want. Cancer men are wonderful, and it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. If you need him to lead you he will...but don't be afraid to speak up if you like or want something. Cancer I believe is one of the best lovers because they WANT to please you and will not take offense to you showing or telling them exactly what you want...in fact he'll probably love it. So don't stress...just kick back and enjoy it!!! Good luck! IP: Logged |
tinasparkle
Knowflake Posts: 151
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted November 08, 2006 12:09 PM
Thanks! I am really looking forward to it if I do say so myself. He has been just wonderful and I don't feel pressured at all or that every move he makes is a prelude to sex. I have just been struggling with the idea of telling him the "why" portion of things. I think he will like the taking me by the hand bit, but I'm not sure if he will be offended if I tell him how I got in this place becuase it involves bringing up past lovers. I think on some level all men would like to pretend that the women they are with have never slept with anyone else, but from what I have read, Cancer men really feel that way. IP: Logged |
tinasparkle
Knowflake Posts: 151
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted November 09, 2006 01:02 PM
Hi all, We had a lovely smooch fest last night and in the course of it I was able to tell him about the "I don't have a lot of experience part". He was quite open and truth be told, I think he kind of liked the idea. I feel a lot better about that portion of things. I also told him that there was a reason I didn't have experience and why I could be timid but I wanted to talk about it later. We also discussed how I had not wanted to tell him certain things about my life because it would involve bringing up past relationships and I didn;t feel like that was right. He said it was perfectly alright and that our past relationships make us who we are. He was very
open and accepting. He's just wonderful! Thanks for your advice everyone. You're all just great! Tinasparkle IP: Logged | |
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