posted November 29, 2006 08:05 PM         

Then I came to realize after a date that guys get a bit nervous when asking a beautiful girl out.

Well to guys who are naturally a bit shy you need to read this.

"Yes, you can date a hot chick"
By Anna David

Think good-looking girls have it made and don’t have to try hard in the trenches of love? Think again. To tell the truth, there are plenty of misconceptions that can actually make it harder for attractive women to land quality dates. Sure, men feel lucky to date a “hot chick,” but women who are blessed in the looks department consider themselves just as lucky to meet decent guys. So, as a woman who’s been told she’s a “hot chick,” let me perform a reality-check for all you guys out there. And let’s see what can be learned to make dating a lot more fun and satisfying for everyone involved!

"Hot chicks aren’t always conceited."

Hot chicks aren’t always conceited. The fact is, the more beautiful the woman, the more insecure she may be. If you’re told you’re lovely from the time you’re two, you tend to think that your attractiveness is your only value—and that means that when people don’t mention your beauty, you panic that you’ve lost your looks and become worthless. Which leads me to…

"Hot chicks are not tired of hearing compliments."

Does anyone actually tire of this? Even if something’s been said a lot, most of us respond rather nicely to positive validation—especially from someone we like. For bonus points, tell us something we haven’t heard before that makes us think you’re seeing us for more than just the obvious: For example, skip “Nice rack” for “I love the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile.”

"We don’t only go for “hot” guys."

With certain brief and unsatisfying exceptions, I don’t think I’ve ever dated a guy that remotely fits the standard definition of hunky or handsome, and neither have any of my especially good-looking friends. In fact, 10 times out of 10, I’d pick the bespectacled, nerdy guy in the corner over the perfectly sculpted creature with the pearly whites and year-round tan. Chances are the nerd-boy has had time to develop his personality and think of things to say, while the looker will be more interested in, well, his looks.

"We get blown off all the time."

Do I actually need to provide the horrific details? No matter what you look like, it’s never pretty. I’ve had my share of I’ll call you’s that never followed up, and the “What’s wrong with me?!” moments, like when a guy told me he didn’t want to be in a serious relationship, then moved in with a new girlfriend a few weeks later. And then there are the true nightmares—secretly bitter, angry men who feel they’re proving something by insulting good-looking women, like the guy who stopped calling because, he explained, I needed to wax more.

"We don’t like intimidating you."

I’ll never forget a date I had with a guy I really liked who kept telling me how he couldn’t believe he was actually sitting with me and how hard he was trying to just be “himself.” I suggested he stop thinking about it, but the topic so dominated our first date that it was also our last. Can’t relate? Picture a girl who’s only interested in what you do for a living and hanging on your every accomplishment like a sad groupie (except, presumably, you’re not a rock star). Ugly, huh?

"We’re not all missing IQ points."

Joy Bryant, the drop-dead gorgeous former model who was the best part of the 50 Cent movie Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ went to Yale. The new chick on Alias, Rachel Nichols, was a Victoria’s Secret model while she was earning her math and economics degree at Columbia. See also: Brooke Shields, Natalie Portman, Claire Danes, et al, all proof… So when guys talk to us about the news, cultural events, etc., it really earns bonus points. That’s a much preferred pick-up tactic to drooling and saying, “Wow, are you a model?”

"We don’t depend on our looks to get ahead."

Some would say, in fact, that pretty girls constantly have to prove ourselves because people will always whisper that we only got whatever it is because of our beauty (or because some powerful guy pulled a few strings). As for those who say that hot girls don’t develop their personalities because “they don’t need to”—well, I’ve definitely never encountered anyone who chose slothfulness or apathy simply because she could. People are either interesting or boring, no matter how they look. So don’t assume we’re trying to social-climb or only date high-flying finance types. Come up and talk to us!

"We’re not tired of being hit on."

Consider this a corollary to “Come up and talk to us!” above. Between the men who are worried about behaving inappropriately and seduction instructors teaching the rest of them how to manipulate us, a girl can go ages without a good old-fashioned flirt. So please, chat with us, be your fantastic, confident, funny self—and consider asking us out. Hey, if we say no, you can always write us off as conceited, materialistic, shallow, and vain—it’s not true, as I’ve told you, but go ahead…we can take it.

posted November 29, 2006 11:14 PM         

I was watching a dating show where the guys were supposed to eliminate one girl and they all agreed that they didn't like this one very attractive girl because, well basically, she was a money-wh%re. Well guess what, they didn't eliminate her, they eliminated the other one who actually sounded intelligent. I definitely believe it was because the girl was a little overweight (but still very pretty IMO). P*sses me off sometimes.

posted November 30, 2006 06:05 AM         

I do it all the time and it works for my personality so men feel comfortable, at home. There is no way anyone would believe me if I said yes/no because there is the age old fear of being blown off, by me asking it says I'll be there.

When the woman asks it's a commitment, when a man asks it's a suggestion of a date,

Find out what he likes to do and then ask him out near an activity where you both like to do things, say he likes horseback riding and you are so so, afterwards you could both go to a restaurant or museum that you always wanted to visit.

posted November 30, 2006 06:50 AM         

You have pregnancy.

We have the dating scene with women thing.

We could not explain it if we wanted to.

Swerve

posted November 30, 2006 06:55 AM         

Women can ask men out....why should men be put under such pressure, when we are just as able to make the first move.

With all my significant relationships, Ive made the first move...mainly cos the guys were very shy and didnt have the courage.

And looks? I have learned they can have little to do with attraction, at times. I know some of the most plain looking men and women, who have amazing charisma and sex appeal.....

Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder...

posted November 30, 2006 07:08 AM         

quote:

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Chances are the nerd-boy has had time to develop his personality and think of things to say, while the looker will be more interested in, well, his looks.

---

posted November 30, 2006 07:35 AM         

Zala - well spotted. Quite frankly the way men are treated and talked about by women these days its amazing that anyone approaches anyone.

Respect for men is at an all-time low. The irony is that with women having more power it's them that have shaped the men that are in it! hence all this "wussy" and "nice guy" and "shy guy" talk.

It's bloody amusing when you think about it.

Where are all the real men?

They all got socially castrated some decades back.

posted November 30, 2006 07:52 AM         

I understand what you're saying about social castration. Hopefully in time things will balance out.

I have girlfriends who push their guys around (to prove a point, I suppose??), and I suppose it makes them feel like they're embracing their female "power."

I don't understand why people can't put their gender parts on the shelf for a little bit and start treating one another like... (ready for this???) HUMAN BEINGS!

Relationships are so much more interesting when both parties bring everything they've got to the table.

There's nothing wrong with a little bit of a "power struggle" between a man and a woman. Really, that's just human interaction. And quite thrilling if handled respectfully, I must say.

posted November 30, 2006 07:54 AM         

It even sounds sexy when you just say it like that doesn't it?

I'm sure things will right themselves eventually, but I hope they don't swing the other way like a pendulum almost immediately.

Depends if we learn our lessons or not this time around.

posted November 30, 2006 08:38 AM         

I watched how some women treated em....bloody terrible at times...deadly in fact!

There is a certain type of woman I have met, usually dripping in gold, expensvie clothes etc etc and the first question they ask the bloke is "what kind of car do you drive and how much money do ye have" etc etc...

Uuugghhh....I cannot stand this shallow and unkind type of "get what you can out of em".....

Never really bothered about money and expensive cars myself....just the soul of a person....kindness, passion, a warm and loving heart is worth far more than a bloody sports car.

And dont laugh guys, but I am married to a guy who drives a flash white suburu impreza ...... and I drive a clapped out old blue thing....hehe.....i love it...scratches and all!

He sort of gets a bit brassed off when I say "that dont impreza me" cos it seems to impress a lot of others....!! He gets a lot of attention when driving it?

Ooops sorry went off on one there!

x

posted November 30, 2006 09:51 AM         

The thing about beautiful women being insecure isn't always true. A woman who hasn't focused on her or other's looks herself throughout her life, whether beautiful or not, naturally wouldn't have her self esteem wrapped up in it, but would have explored into becomming a more secure, whole person.

I rarely pay much notice to appearance. Actually worldly things (wealth, status, circumstance, appearance) never impress me. It saddens me the world values those things.
And also I never pursue, rather am always pursued. That's a mixed thing...partly because I'm just naturally more receptive than agressive (except where needed. I'm bad in ways that are good ), and also probably a Leo Moon-thing.
So, hence, I tend to attract a lot of very outgoing, forcefully aggressive men...which isn't my preference. I'm keeping an eye out for the quieter ones.

This guy I went out with, went on a lot about my looks and how proud he felt being seen with me. I always blush at those moments, not comfortable with compliments. (another stereotype, that people with Leo influence are comfortable with that) He said, "you have no idea...that makes you even more beautiful."
Just me, but I feel people who would say how attractive they think they are, are the most unattractive of all. Turns me off. I don't value it in others, so I wouldn't value it in myself. It doesn't mean I have no idea...I'm not ignorant and see the ways men react to me...I just don't value it or focus on it. My mind is on other things. Besides, I know there are many more more beautiful women out there than I, so I wouldn't get myself in an insecure trap of comparison that's a losing game.

Anyway...he talked a lot about my appearance, with started giving me warning flags. He asked me what I saw in him and asked me to rate him from 1-10. I refused, telling him I wouldn't perceive people like that...that I thought that was terrible to look at people that way, as if they're an object to be judged.

Anyway, rambling, but yeah. It can get pretty complicated.