posted December 11, 2006 08:39 AM         

First off hello I'm new here everyone seems lovely so I'd like to share my somewhat confusing story.

Ok lets see if I can relate this without losing anyone.
A few years ago in I was living in Mexico (I'm back home in Texas now) and used the internet to meet ppl as I didn't know many ppl outside of school. I met a wonderful guy online and we exchanged many emails but never actually met... why I don't really remember but I believe I had started dating someone in school. Anyways this lovely man eventually got fed up with my cold and short emails and said goodbye not without first telling me how much he had cared for me even without having met me, how sure he was that if we were to have crossed paths we would have fallen hopelessly in love. ( I found that last sad email in a file a few days ago and felt so sad that I had been so cold to someone who had obviously cared.)
That was august of 2002 fast forward to Aug 06 when I got a an email from him saying Hi did I remember him. (I didn't) we exchanged a cpl emails and I pretty much just ignored him thinking him some weirdo. Then about 8 weeks ago I got another email from him again saying hi that he wanted to be friends and would not like to lose continuity this time. My love interest at the time was in Cuba and incommunicado... so I had the time, was curious( who was this man that remembered me after such a long time) and bored so I replied. It was exciting to have a mysterious friend for both of us..We agreed to be e-mail friends and thought how fun would it be to totally strip ourselves down to our core and have a friendship without any fears, just be raw and honest. Well it was awesome we shared so much became each others confidantes told each other things holding nothing back. Well when my love interest came back from Cuba (about 2 weeks into my friendship with this enigmatic aquarian) he promptly dumped me. I of course went crying to my water bearing confidante and he helped me and consoled me, but I noticed a change in his emails though we were still saying we were friends his emails became more flowery and poetic towards me, mine too became sweeter as I was starting to feel the connection we had grow. I've never felt a connection like this with anybody… like he can read my thoughts, like he's watching me from far away. Like there is some intrinsic link between us that I can feel him. He too feels this connection as he has told me many times that he can feel me and often hears me narrating my story as he walks, he also feels like when he writes to me he is writing to himself like I am his fem version. We are both happy go lucky, idealistic, independent, sensual, not to mention commitment phobic people. We both expressed our not wanting to get confused because our desire for each other was obvious. Yet even after expressing not wanting to confuse our friendship we continued to express ourselves as lovers do.. under the pretense of friendship. Never have I felt so appreciated in my totality as a woman. And he is just a friend...but in my confusion and not wanting to get hurt because LDR's suck I made it very clear that I thought of him as only a friend. I told him I hoped to never meet him in person fearing it would ruin the magic of our friendship. When truthfully I would love nothing more than to meet him and embrace him.. I'm totally chicken though. So I just tried to convey how much I care in my words while masquerading as friends.. Confusing I know.. he does the same thing though.. but I can read between lines I think... he tells me stuff that sends electric shockwaves through my body and then leaves me with a sense of tranquility so great my insides are perfectly still... Anyways things were going fine and then he just up and disappeared on me, no goodbye, adios, nada... nothing seemed wrong we had exchanges emails almost every single day for 6 weeks and he just stopped replying. I don't understand. He seemed pretty hooked on our friendship always letting me know how much he was thinking of me...and then he never replied to a friendly email… and I of course refuse to write and ask why. maybe I'm too prideful?...

I sort of feel like I'm being tested but I don't know which way to go could it be that he's testing his space and how clingy I can be? I'll give all the space he needs as I like my space too and in fact when he didn't answer back for a few days I liked it, but now it's been almost two weeks since I heard from him last… On the other hand I feel like I could be being tested on my interest towards him. Because he shared with me when I had been dumped to ignore my interest and that eventually they would come around and ask what was up. Is this what he is doing with me now? Do aquarian men test their love interests? I know he studies me and has often expressed how much he wants to explore the depths of my mind... I know he has trouble dealing with feelings one time in correspondence about one of his old loves, he admitted that in the past when falling in love he can hardly believe the connection he is feeling and turns cruel and egotistical because he has a fear of giving himself.. Is this why he disappeared? Sometimes I feel I imagined the whole thing... I don't know what to do I’m awful at this stuff … I enjoy being chased and am very aloof myself, but with him it has been so natural both of us just being, just existing together yet far apart… Besides we never have said we are anything more than “friends” and I was truly enjoying the moment for whatever it was... even if he went out and got a girlfriend, I'm sure being how he is he would tell me, after all we are in that safe "friend" territory.. why would u just stop writing a friend?
Good grief I'm putting way too much thought and energy into it. I know he knows I'm thinking of him, I can feel it. The whole situation as electrifying as it may be is a bit perverse I think.
So I guess after all this my question really is do I write him as a friend and ask what’s up? or should I just wait it out? I'm really optimistic here and hoping he'll come around soon, but it could be another 4 years before I hear from this guy again. Darn these elusive aquarian men.. Rest assured I am still going out and having fun and being happy but my mind wanders to him a lot.. way more than is normal. What’s a girl to do?

posted December 11, 2006 11:49 AM         

The term 'oh what tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive' comes to mind here. Why all the games? Life is a lot less complicated than we assume it is. Listen to your heart..listen to the earth. The answers are there in your Heart, which is is synch with the eartH. Those inner voices are always singing, you just need to Hear.

posted December 12, 2006 10:02 AM         

Ascendant Capricorn 19°17'33
2nd House Aquarius 27°14'56
3rd House Aries 5°04'54
Imum Coeli Taurus 6°36'35
5th House Gemini 2°13'23
6th House Gemini 25°10'48
Descendant Cancer 19°17'33
8th House Leo 27°14'56
9th House Libra 5°04'54
Medium Coeli Scorpio 6°36'35
11th House Sagittarius 2°13'23
12th House Sagittarius 25°10'48

posted December 12, 2006 03:59 PM         

Maybe before you meet Mr Aqua, you could get some guidance.

You could put up a request in Astrology forum, if you want to?

I have moon in Taurus and mercury in Scorpio too...

posted December 13, 2006 10:37 AM         

independent, fun, exciting, interesting...all GOOD.