posted January 13, 2007 04:20 PM         

I AM a guy (last time I checked) but I don't think I give you the "guy" opinion as I'm a bit ...er....different, hard to explain. Straight and all that though.

E-mail away babe.

p.s. We blokes scratch our heads too, but we usually defer to the "they are all cold don't trust 'em line". For a bit anyway.

posted January 14, 2007 04:23 PM         

Looking forward to chatting but I don't want to leave it up here publically.

Hope you're doing ok.

posted January 22, 2007 10:43 AM         

quote:

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I try so, so, SO hard to be tough. I keep telling myself that the relationship wasn't very long and that's a blessing...3 months up, 3 months down. 12 weeks and I'll be fine...I'll be cured. Focus on other things. But the tears burn in my eyes. I try not to blink and hope that they won't fall, but the burning continues and they come anyway. The bitterness is what kills me. Every single time I've put my heart on the line it's been stomped on...EVERY time. I hadn't felt this way about anyone in 3 years...I was so excited when I first met this guy...I was so happy. I thought that maybe I was finally getting a second chance...and now it's gone. Why??? What have I ever done that my karma is THIS bad? Does God hate me??? Am I truly cursed in love forever? I don't want to go through this again...I REALLY don't. Every time I think about what's ahead of me...weeks of pain and emotional agony, anger, regret, loss...I just don't want to do it. And then, starting over???? I don't want to. I want to give up. It took everything I had just to get out of bed this morning. I even thought about trying to get a hold of some sleeping pills and just take those for a while. Hibernate the whole grieving process away. I've already contemplated calling off of work tomorrow. I know I won't be able to concentrate, and I can't stand to cry or show weakness in front of others...and what if I break down? It also makes me sick when people pity me and I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear, "Oh I'm so sorry...not again! I was so happy for you! I really thought this one would work out." Yeah, not so much. And people wonder why I'm so cynical. I just don't know how I'm going to get through it this time.

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CC, when I read this it made me cry. I was feeling this way and saying these very things in September. It does get better, and I think you sound better already. The Oh no, not again from people you know is the worst. I was embarrassed to tell people (who had kind of warned me in the first place) what had happened and felt so stupid. One friend said this - "Every one of us loves you so much, and no one thinks you're a fool near as much as we think he's a jackass". At least it made me laugh.

From the short amount I've heard from you, my impression is that you're a wonderful caring person. (((CC)))

posted January 22, 2007 11:37 AM         

You too seem like a sweet, caring, and lovely person. Look forward to chatting with you more in the future.