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Author Topic:   I'm going to let him go (or push him off a cliff)
OzMeg222
Knowflake

Posts: 450
From:
Registered: Jul 2006

posted January 10, 2007 08:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message
I sometimes wonder what the hell goes on inside my mind! Am I losing the plot completely or is this guy just off the planet???
Can't be bothered explaining the whole pisces-boy saga yet again, of course most people here have a vague idea about whats been happening for the past year (a year on sunday actually).
I thought if I stepped back, looked at the situation realistically and let his words and actions make my mind up about us then I'd have a clear idea about what he wanted.

HA! YEAH RIGHT!

My musings and day-dreamings were far less confusing than this silly silly boy's words and actions. He's unbelievable! For a long time now he has been doing and saying the sweetest things. Xmas, for example, was nice although I only saw him a few times briefly. We've spent time together, he's come to hang with my friends and we've actually talked alot.
I thought ok, we're getting somewhere at last I don't mind if its slowly cos its scary for me too. It was fine, nice and cute.
But friday night he text me at 3am, just like he used to then nothing until I text him tonight to say hi. I said I wanted to pop in and say hi on my way home and he said ok. No 'that'd be nice' or 'see you soon'.
I went and saw him.
Back to the old pisces-boy it seems which is such a shame. He is the most beautiful person, I just wish he hadn't put his guard back up again. Especially cos when he does that mine goes up too.
I can't deal with him anymore he's all over the place. I thought I was bad but he's hopeless. Its like he keeps fighting a battle with himself, he's very straight and traditional and has a clear picture of what he wants for his life which he sticks to except when it comes to me. When he's losing that battle he wants me, needs me, takes delight in every aspect of me and opens his heart. But when he's not fighting with himself then I am merely a side track to the pretty country lane of his life.
AND IT SUCKS! Cos when he's fighting with himself and letting go of all his preconceived notions he seems truly happy. Yet the conservative side of him makes him almost cruel and he doesn't seem as happy or smile as much.

I'm letting go, going to hunt up that thread with the letting go advice and link and move on. This is going to be so hard to let go of, especially since being pisces I want to save the world with him included. I want to save him from himself but I can't.
Letting go, letting go.
I know he'll chase me again but he really needs to work out his own head cos I'm not going back to how it was a while ago which he seems to be trying to do. He may work it out but I'm letting him go completely. If by some weird chance we do get together in the far distant future it will be starting from scratch cos he will have to be a different person.

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Gemini Nymph
Knowflake

Posts: 1797
From:
Registered: Jul 2004

posted January 10, 2007 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Nymph     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah! Move on! Good for you - you're completely entitled to take charge of your life.

You should take up martial arts, and so when that Fish comes wiggling back up to shore, you can just look him deead in the eye and with a Clint Eatwood deadpan voice, say "I know karate." That should send shivers down his scales and maybe after that he'll get a clue.

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4387
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted January 10, 2007 07:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 2180
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted January 10, 2007 10:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
You should take up martial arts, and so when that Fish comes wiggling back up to shore, you can just look him deead in the eye and with a Clint Eatwood deadpan voice, say "I know karate."


Haha, Clint Eastwood is the sh*t!

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OzMeg222
Knowflake

Posts: 450
From:
Registered: Jul 2006

posted January 11, 2007 01:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah I could so kick his ass right now, karate or no karate!

What u said is so true natasha, I did pull back, I even found a lovely cancer for a while (it just wasn't there though). My god did that fish swim madly after me! He's been so beautiful for so long. Guess I didn't let him chase me long enough cos I was the one to say hey and ask if I could see him. I shoulda let him do it although he's been trying for ages but our schedules have been out of sync.
It kills me to admit this, I left it out of my first post cos I was so embarrassed but the support from you guys is great so I'll 'fess up. When I went around last night just after 10pm for a minute I thought he'd gone out cos it was dark which annoyed me cos he knew I was coming. I knocked and went in and he was lying in bed watching tv.

Did I mention he was naked???

Found that out after not too long, his excuse was he sleeps naked. He was being very affectionate and sweet so I found myself naked too. Lol, it was so unbelievably good (it always is but we've only been together when either or both of us are drunk or hung over, this was an amazing experience) but I should've walked out the minute I saw him in bed. I mean, how presumptuos is he?
I got out of there pretty quickly afterwards, he didn't say anything about me leaving which really pi#$ed me off!!!

Next time he texts me and wants to catch up I'm gonna reply 'I'm not your wh$#e, why don't u try f$%king yourself!'. I've said some horrible things to him before, but never anything honest. There are a other things that need to be said.
I wondered if I was being sensitive but after seeing the very best of him which surpassed my wildest dreams, his attitude really hurt me. Anyone else it wouldn't have been so bad but I know how gorgeous he can be.

That age gap and the aries venus/mars is finally getting to me.

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eatbooks
Knowflake

Posts: 324
From:
Registered: Dec 2006

posted January 11, 2007 01:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for eatbooks     Edit/Delete Message
you knew all this from the start(we all do on some level) you needed this experience, but whats the point if youre not learning the lesson? you sound maschoistic, stop letting him poison you, look at all your energy being sucked bcoz of this a-hole....you need to stop saying youre letting him go, and actually DO IT.

------------------
your pain is my pain, is that love?

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OzMeg222
Knowflake

Posts: 450
From:
Registered: Jul 2006

posted January 11, 2007 02:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message
I'm annoyed with myself. I'm more than annoyed with him. Its not a game but we've both been playing regardless. People who know us both (know him much better than they know me) get so frustrated that we play games with each other and I do too! They just sit back and smirk and keep right on waiting for us to get it together properly. Guess it just ain't happening though.

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CapGirl
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006

posted January 11, 2007 09:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CapGirl     Edit/Delete Message
I feel your frustration... Pinning these Pisceans down is nearly impossible it seems. I really think you need to make your wants and needs clearly known- do it in writing in a letter to get the message through- i.e. that you want a committed relationship and are too old and serious about your life and future for this friends with benefits stuff. And then BACK AWAY, leave it be, and do NOT respond to silly little text messages and do not engage in the games any further. If he responds and tries to contact you after you lay it out for him, then confront and confirm that you are both on the same page. You have to put your foot down verbally and then stand behind it with your actions. Meaning also that you can't get drunk, become weak, and start up the same old pattern again with texting or responding to his random or late night attempts to see you/ contact you. You have to clearly define the boundaries and stick to them, or he will never take you seriously. And if you lose him and he walks, then so be it. At least you will not be continually going around in this circle of madness.

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Dulce Luna
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Posts: 2180
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted January 11, 2007 10:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Forgive me, I'm just soooo confused these days for some reason. What exactly does he do to make you want to forget about him and move on?

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eatbooks
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Posts: 324
From:
Registered: Dec 2006

posted January 11, 2007 10:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for eatbooks     Edit/Delete Message
the whole thing just gives me a headache, maybe because i dont really have a clue why/what/when/how, it just sounds so confusing. I do not like PISCES MEN for dating...scary just picturing it.

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Mama Mia
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Registered: Jun 2005

posted January 11, 2007 11:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
I already told Meg it takes two to tangle..He is simply showing you all the things about you that needs to go. He is mirroring you rather you believe it or not.
I don't think that you are really getting it bc if you were then he would be banished from your life or things would be handled differently with him. He can still stay in your life handle things differently and he will know what and what not to do and say..

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Dulce Luna
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Posts: 2180
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted January 11, 2007 11:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I do not like PISCES MEN for dating...scary just picturing it.

Ditto.

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OzMeg222
Knowflake

Posts: 450
From:
Registered: Jul 2006

posted January 11, 2007 07:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message
QUOTE:
I already told Meg it takes two to tangle..He is simply showing you all the things about you that needs to go. He is mirroring you rather you believe it or not.
I don't think that you are really getting it bc if you were then he would be banished from your life or things would be handled differently with him. He can still stay in your life handle things differently and he will know what and what not to do and say..

Thanks MM! I think thats the reason we have so many problems, can't believe other people can see it who don't even know us. Maybe it was MY beautiful behaviour HE was mirroring over the past few months, not just letting MY guard down cos HE was.
Believe it or not I have thought of this before, but for me to think that also requires me to accept that hey, he does like me and just does whatever I do to stay close to me.
Fear won't let me think that though, but I'm not sure if I'm scared of rejection of scared of commitment. Either way is scary, especially since nobody's ever gotten so deeply under my skin.
I'll go talk to him soon, too busy with life to worry about it right at the moment though.

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4387
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted January 12, 2007 04:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
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Lauren
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Posts: 1121
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Registered: Aug 2005

posted January 13, 2007 09:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lauren     Edit/Delete Message
Ask him to write you an email about what he would want if he could have anything in this world.. if he could be doing anything at all.. Ask him to paint you a picture of his perfect life and his perfect relationship.. something that would make him really comfortable and happy. It doesn’t have to be an email, might be easier face to face.

If you are not this person and don't want to live in his picture with him, then let him go, because he won’t let go of his picture.

I have a feeling you both have different fairytales lined up and different dreams.

The reason I'm saying 'ask him' instead of 'telling him' what you want.. is that based on Pisceans I know/have known/have heard about, he'll never pay attention to that. He'll skim read, he won't understand. The end result will be that you're being mean to him and you emailed him a boyfriend rule book. He'll just get annoyed that it's either your way or the highway and try his best to sabotage.. so 'ask him' what he wants. It can’t be straightforward, but you’re a Pisces to so you’ll know how to ask.. Make it sound like you’re really interested in what he’d like to have in his life etc and listen to his dreams.. listen to the sort of things he comes up with.. because it could be very abstract but I’m sure you’ll get a message out of it. For instance, if he said ‘I’d wanna travel around the world”.. that would mean that in his perfect world he obviously doesn’t want to settle down right now. But if he said ‘I’d wanna travel around the world” and added “wouldn’t it be cool if we had dinner in Paris” then you know you’re playing a part somewhere in the dream. It’s a silly example but you know what I mean. As opposed to other signs Pisceans, specially men, live mentally in their dreams.. so he *is* in that dream, whatever it is.. you need to find out the dream.

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OzMeg222
Knowflake

Posts: 450
From:
Registered: Jul 2006

posted January 14, 2007 01:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message
Natasha-

Stop deleting your posts! I missed that last one you were too quick for me!

Lauren-

Thanks for the advice, I hadn't thought of that before and you're right. We've talked about those kinds of things before in abstact ways, I'd like to think he remembers but who knows??? He wants to get married and have children and live in the same small country town he's been born and bred in. I told him where I wanted to travel in the world and what I wanted to see and he agreed with me, not to the extent you mentioned though! I want to go to the welsh countryside, which isn't exactly what most people would like to do, lol, but he does.

Its our 1 year 'anniversary' today. A bittersweet day. I want to say hi, but I have the worst feeling he may have replaced me. I may be paranoid but I don't know. I would rather know for sure because an actual heartbreak isn't any worse than an imagined one.

EDITED TO ADD: Well we are texting one another, although I am a bit nutty tonight. Didn't tell him it was our 'anniversary' lol. I had some dramas today and he didn't go on about it, but he replied nicely to most of my texts. My ex and his fiance are having a baby, I knew before they did I said to my best mate before new years I bet she was. Doesn't bother me, I just feel sorry for her cos he's repeating his usual pattern and she didn't really want to have kids for another 13 years.

Tired now, goodnight. Not paranoid anymore, my heart is still his.

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OzMeg222
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Posts: 450
From:
Registered: Jul 2006

posted January 14, 2007 08:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OzMeg222     Edit/Delete Message
*Too much of me exposed then*

This deleting thing is great!

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sue g
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Posts: 8103
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted January 14, 2007 09:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Oh God

How sad.....

And now I am gonna cry for three hours...

Sorry for you girl....

x

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LuLu
Knowflake

Posts: 286
From: Louisville, Kentucky, USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted January 14, 2007 09:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LuLu     Edit/Delete Message
Meg...wow. I know exactly what you are feeling when I read the words you just wrote. All I can say is been there. Done that. Still breaks my heart everytime I think about him.

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 4387
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted January 14, 2007 10:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
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