our lovers causing pain

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Author	Topic: our lovers causing pain
themysteryclub Knowflake Posts: 273 From: United States of America Registered: Nov 2005	posted January 19, 2007 01:00 AM I'm in love, and I'm in pain. Is love always painful, does love need to be painful? There is nothing wrong with the relationship, our love is strong..but why do i feel pain? Am I merely pained by my own demons? anyone? IP: Logged
comica23 Knowflake Posts: 134 From: Portugal Registered: Sep 2006	posted January 19, 2007 09:19 AM Love brings us joy, but sometimes also a bit of bitterness.. Things are never perfect, yet in the less happy moments, we just have to remember on those special moments we share together.. ^_^ If you love him a lot, then why not trying to tell him how you feel? After all, sometimes we need to say things as the other person can't guess.. Relationships are not just rose colored glasses, but we can learn how to live with each other, along with the differences between each other.. and only by being together and sharing everything, including what's deep inside our hearts, that we can work things out together.. ^_^ besides, if you let this seed stay, it will eventually grow into something worse.. >_<; He might not understand your pain at first, but if he also loves you a lot, then he will.. but you must tell him how you feel, so that he can help.. ^_^ Well, hope it helps.. ^_^ IP: Logged
sue g Knowflake Posts: 8343 From: former land of the leprechaun Registered: Sep 2004	posted January 19, 2007 10:37 AM Sometimes its only through connecting with a partner that we reach those deep and dark places in ourselves.... Has taken me years to realise that often it is not the person we have issues with, but ourselves. It can be hellishly challenging... But ultimately incredibly healing... This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, Some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, Who violently sweep your house Empty of its furniture, Still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out For some new delight. — Rumi IP: Logged
Swerve Knowflake Posts: 1056 From: London Registered: Nov 2002	posted January 19, 2007 10:46 AM John Ruskan has a theory that says if we are acting through repression or unmet needs then we create a dual experience that is natural within the universe, such as up/down, dark/light, soft/hard. That to know one we have to experience the other, it is inevitable and part of the self-same process. With love, or the feeling of love, we also create pain because the expectation, or addiction, or reliance on another's approval is the dual side of the equation. He thinks that by accepting both equally and learning from them and experiencing them without resistance and repression you can ascend to a higher level of understanding and acceptance of the particular issue and experience a much purer and truer version. We can do this by processing emotions that lie repressed and dormant within us and "clearing out". I think. I'm still reading his book. lol Thought it might be relevant though. His website is here http://www.emclear.com/ I should be getting commission...... Swerve IP: Logged
sue g Knowflake Posts: 8343 From: former land of the leprechaun Registered: Sep 2004	posted January 19, 2007 10:58 AM Swerve You should write your own book.... You write beautifully IP: Logged
Swerve Knowflake Posts: 1056 From: London Registered: Nov 2002	posted January 19, 2007 11:11 AM Thanks Sue, but I'm not there yet...and these aren't even my own ideas! I appreciate that though all the same. Swerve IP: Logged
MysticMelody Knowflake Posts: 1323 From: Registered: Dec 2005	posted January 19, 2007 01:26 PM When we met, light was shed Thoughts free flow You said you've got something Deep inside of you A wind chime voice sound Sway of your hips round rings true It goes deep inside of you These secret garden beams Changed my life, so it seems A fall breeze blows outside I don't break stride, my thoughts are warm And they go deep inside of you Oh yeah And I never felt alone, alright Oh oh, till I met you Friends say I've changed I don't listen 'cuz I live to be Deep inside of you Slide of her dress Shouts in darkness, I'm so alive I'm deep inside of you You said, "boy make girl feel good" But still, deep inside Still I've never felt alone Till I met you I'm alright on my own And then I met you And I'd know what to do If I just knew what's coming I would change myself if I could I'd walk with my people if I could find them And I'd say that I'm sorry to you I'm sorry to you And I don't want to call you But then I want to call you 'Cuz I don't want to crush you But I feel like crushing you, and it's true I took for granted you were with me I breathe by your looks and you look right through me But we were broke and didn't know We were broke and didn't know We were broke and didn't know We were broke and didn't know Something's gone, you withdraw And I'm not strong like before I was deep inside of you I can go nowhere I burn candles and stare At a ghost deep inside of you And some great need in me Starts to bleed I've lost myself, there's nothing left It's all gone Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you DEEP INSIDE OF YOU By: Third Eye Blind IP: Logged
Swerve Knowflake Posts: 1056 From: London Registered: Nov 2002	posted January 19, 2007 01:37 PM MM IP: Logged
comica23 Knowflake Posts: 134 From: Portugal Registered: Sep 2006	posted January 19, 2007 04:31 PM I guess that relationships are like mirrors of ourselves.. and the deeper and intimate the relationship, the clearer it reflects of ourselves, including our positive and negative traits.. When we have such deep relationships, we are forced to look at ourselves as we interact with that person.. and inevitably we become more transparent.. to this person.. and to ourselves.. A person that can find his/her own happiness and deal with himself/herself, this person has capacities to truly fall in love, as he/she falls in love not coz he/she seeks for happiness in another person.. that's when we fall in love with what another person is, and not what we expect of another person. IP: Logged
themysteryclub Knowflake Posts: 273 From: United States of America Registered: Nov 2005	posted January 19, 2007 05:55 PM Just beginning to wrap myself around all of this... everyone has shared beautiful and insightful thoughts..thank you hmmm.. IP: Logged
MysticMelody Knowflake Posts: 1323 From: Registered: Dec 2005	posted January 20, 2007 01:11 AM Swerve IP: Logged
~jane_says~ Knowflake Posts: 80 From: SD Registered: Jul 2005	posted January 22, 2007 11:46 AM Life is simply full of oppositions. How can we not have one without the other. That being said...my love life can be quite a pain!!! Just a little humor for you. Without any sort of suffering, even in love, how else can we expect to grow together and individually? Something to think about. Easily said than done though..huh? ------------------ "If you believe, you can achieve." Tupac IP: Logged
themysteryclub Knowflake Posts: 273 From: United States of America Registered: Nov 2005	posted January 22, 2007 08:04 PM Hey thanks for the words of wisdom...I am starting to understand I think I have been wrestling with all of this the past couple of days, and I feel I am arriving out of the pain as a stronger and wiser person. It is almost like falling in love is a crash-test course on growing up (in a way, for me at least) I have to be strong for myself...because if I am not loving myself then I don't have any love to give back. Then I start to feel needy and weird. Ah, the joys of life, huh? I am happy to be having these experiences. IP: Logged
themysteryclub Knowflake Posts: 273 From: United States of America Registered: Nov 2005	posted January 27, 2007 07:30 PM Hey this subject is still an unfolding one for me, so I thought I would post the latest on the 'pain' An unexpected conversation caused me to finally start talking about the pain I've had and there was much to say.. My love and I had two seperate conversations over the course of the past two days, and all of the deep issues of pain I have been confronting came out. I cried, and I got angry, and I let out all of the festering emotions that have been haunting me During these conversation we really explored the reality of our love, and how strong it was. I spoke to him of my doubts and insecurities. I asked him to look deep inside himself. We argued a bit and we also held eachother more closely than we ever have. He looked me deep in the eyes and started to cry. We both admiitted our terror about the situation...nothing can prepare you for being so deeply in love! Of the many things we spoke of, he told me that for the first time in his life he was not willing to cut someone he cared about out of his life...he told me that for the first time he was going to risk attatchment and that he wouldnt have it any other way..that his heart was mine. He is a Gemini, so his commitement and maturity and sensitivity thus far always surprised me...his tears surprised me! (maybe his pisces rising has something to do with it...) I am so glad that we talked about all of this, because it led to something that was neccessary: committement. We declared a love and a devotion for eachother that I believed I would never experience. It has been painful for the both of us to surrender to one another. We both have profound sag and gemini influences, and unpleasant venus-neptune, venus-saturn, and venus-pluto contact. I think that love does conquer all, and makes us the stronger for it. Thanks you guys, for your words of wisdom. I realize that the above written words probably don't make much sense. But perhaps some of you will understand TMC IP: Logged
OzMeg222 Knowflake Posts: 482 From: Registered: Jul 2006	posted January 27, 2007 08:35 PM I am in agony right now I ache for his mere presence. Its so scary how deeply I feel for this man and it holds me back from saying even "hey, I like you." I feel he's tried to get me to admit it, just before xmas we'd hung out together with my friends for hours and gotten rat-as#ed. My friends went to bed and we talked a lot. I told him I couldn't do casual anymore but if I was gonna it would be with him. He kept asking why and I kept coming up with lame excuses and couldn't look him in the eye. He kept asking and my fear held me back from just saying the simple truth "because I like you too much to do casual". It could have been settled right then and there but I feel I have so much to lose that putting myself out there would hurt too much should I be rejected. Which is silly cos I'm in agony anyway! Xmas eve he was publically gorgeous with me and I text him later and he rang me, he sounded so happy "I thought you didn't want to see me anymore!" he says as if it was the best news ever that I still did. I need to get past my fear, I honestly feel he has me in his heart and is probably feeling the same fear I am. Whether either of us can get past the fear is the question! I just hope he doesn't feel as lousy as I do right now. I miss him, my beautiful snake catcher. I never thought to feel such happiness you had to feel such pain as well. I guess thats the balance of it though, as other people have said too. IP: Logged
themysteryclub Knowflake Posts: 273 From: United States of America Registered: Nov 2005	posted January 28, 2007 02:27 PM sometimes I wonder where the pain is really coming from. I think Swerve was right in mentioning the wisdom about accepting the pain and the joys, flowing with them together...Some things in life need to be accepted rather than questioned and fought against.. Maybe the pain is fear. Fear of losing something you suddenly find yourself dependent upon. But how healthy is that dependancy? Should an effort be made to sever that dependancy, or transform it into something more nourishing? Should one always be prepared for the loss of something one loves? IP: Logged
OzMeg222 Knowflake Posts: 482 From: Registered: Jul 2006	posted January 28, 2007 04:08 PM I think thats where my sadness comes from. As a defense mechanism I've told myself that I'm never going to have him the way I want, so if he rejects me I can say to myself there, I knew it anyway. Not a healthy frame of mind but defence is my protective shell. And I'm not even a cancer! Just a very sensitive pisces. IP: Logged
comica23 Knowflake Posts: 134 From: Portugal Registered: Sep 2006	posted January 29, 2007 10:18 AM Life is just full of things that we can't predict.. everyone has to go through losses.. Even if it's something that takes years to build, or no matter how hard you hold it next to our heart.. But being able to be together is such a blessing.. even if things can go someday, it's not a complete loss at all.. beautiful memories will forever linger inside of our souls.. and we can always learn with the other person as much as we can while we are together.. But while we are together, why don't we love each other truly, without hesitating? only that way we can learn as much as we can with each other, and truly enjoy each moment.. People are always insecure with what they have.. the better and more precious something is, the worse the fear of losing it is. But don't be afraid of loving.. Imagine that the one you love gets an accident and dies suddenly? then would you regret for being hesitant and not have shown your true love for him, coz you were insecure? Even if we have been through some few painful losses.. there are still so much in life that is worth to lose our insecurity and enjoy every moment of it. Just don't let fear blind you and make you forget the joy of truly loving someone without hesitation. IP: Logged
OzMeg222 Knowflake Posts: 482 From: Registered: Jul 2006	posted January 30, 2007 01:30 AM So true. I've actually thought what if something happens to him, would he have known how much he meant to me? I doubt it and thats a horrible thought. I've given him some space, usually he makes the move to bring us back together when he's had some time. If/when he does I'll lay it on the line. I can't go on like this! I hate that other people go through this too, it really is ridiculous. If I saw one of my friends like this I would bang their head against a wall. Maybe we should all make a pact to try to be honest with our loved ones about our feelings. IP: Logged
sue g Knowflake Posts: 8343 From: former land of the leprechaun Registered: Sep 2004	posted January 30, 2007 09:04 AM I know couples out there, that dont feel this way at all...they seem happy and well balanced together... Maybe some of us just get locked into attracting people who are not good for us... If we dont heal ourselves, we are always gonna attract others that "hook into" our wounds... IP: Logged
comica23 Knowflake Posts: 134 From: Portugal Registered: Sep 2006	posted January 30, 2007 01:27 PM I think that the moment we are in a love relationship with another person, we should always be as honest and truthful as possible.. It's important to be able to commit ourselves completely.. ^_^ Everyone has some sides that they doesn't show, but as long as we stay as honest as possible.. It's not silly to be a bit insecure from time to time.. But it's silly to forget about the joy that we can have. ^_^ IP: Logged

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