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Author Topic:   Cancer Girl/Piscean Guy Help :(
HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 05, 2007 12:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hey everyone,

I am new to this forum...so shd first introduce myself i guess...
Well I am a Cancerian girl and am generally very happy with my life overall...
But there's one thing which bothers me a lot...well i wont know where to start...
Well, I am presently in a relationship with a Piscean guy...we have been friends for five yrs...but he never used to allow me to come close to him...but a few months back he let go of his inhibitions and we became very very good friends and before we knew what we wr committed to each other.
Now that's kind of the main theme of the story. There's also a whole lot of a backgrnd to it. I have been in 2 relationships before with 2 very different kind of guys...and have faced some very tough times in the past 3 yrs...this kinda makes me paranoid a lot of times...i keep feeling scared to not make the mistakes i made with them, or they made with me...

Now coming back to this story, my guy is not the expressive kind and is really shy...and he is really sensitive and caring but in his own shy way....he wud know when im hurt...but well...he wont know how to pamper me or say sweet things to me and stuff...
And me being a Cancerian i hv been used to a lot of love and pampering...so we hv a lil bit of a problem there. Now over a period of time v hv tried to work on it and I try to not to get upset over things like that and whenever I do I just tell myself that it doesnt matter whether he says it or not...its more important that he loves me the way i wud want him to...
So most of the times I am okey with that. But there can be times when im really down and out or when v hv kinda had an argument or somthing and i am hurt...in such situations his not being expressive can become a lot to deal with :-(
The other thing is that for the past few days I dunno why but i've been very moody and now I've just simply stopped being happy :-(
Every time I get upset or hurt by something, instead of trying to pamper me a lil he starts to tell me that i shdnt get upset over somthing that little and that he tells me to relax and chill, u know...well it just upsets me even more...I feel that he must think me to be really stupid for getting upset like that...since he never flips out like that...he is a very patient and calm kind of a guy...

I know all of this sounds like really childish...but its a very real problem for me...and I may have dealt with 2 breakups and everything...but i dont know wot to do abt this...and I am really scared of ruining this relationship...and I know that he is the perfect guy for me...I share a rapport with him like with no one else...and I dont want nething to come b/w us...
He asked me very sensibly, that "Why cant u live with the fact there is one thing abt u that i dont like, u know there r a lot of things abt me that u dont like". That is a question I'm not able to find an answer to...
Somehow I am equating this to rejection...I dunno...seems like i am not being able to live with this fact...I wish i cud...and I wud really like to know if there is way i can make myself be okey with it...
Someone with ne experience or advice to offer?

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Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 4161
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted March 06, 2007 12:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Hi HJ ~

Welcome to LL
Your Piscean sounds like he doesn’t have a lot of experience in soothing ladies who are out-of-sorts
I can understand why you feel “rejection” – in a way, he is invalidating your feelings by telling you that you shouldn’t feel this-and-such.
He needs to learn how to “pamper you and say sweet stuff” to you if you are committed to being with each other. And you need to teach him Every relationship is give and take. Sometimes you are the giver, sometimes the taker, it all balances out in a healthy partnership. When you need a little emotional support, you need to be brave and ask for what you need from him. Give it a try

Zala

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 06, 2007 12:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks a lot Zala...
I tried to explain things to him last night...but he is not able to get what I mean...as u said, he has absolutely no experience in handling distrait girls
Well, i feel shy being more direct than that...so i thought i would email him...i still have to do that...i just hope it helps...
I won't be talking to him for one or 2 days bcz I felt that i needed to take a brk frm things...and also because he has study for a very important interview which is in a few days...i dint want to disturb him...
he has said that he wud do his best to make things work with us...I hope he is able to do it...

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Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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GeminiLover75
Knowflake

Posts: 1217
From:
Registered: Apr 2006

posted March 06, 2007 01:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
I've had similar experiences with my Mr Gem, and yes that's partly what it comes down to - their lack of experience in a certain type of relationship. I've taken on some new tactics which are working for me and they might help you too. Responding with things like:

"That's your opinion. But that's not how I feel/that's not how it is/that's not my reality." Hold on to YOUR truth. You feel a certain way, because you DO.

"Why do you say that?" He then has to figure out why he said or did something instead of it just being a quick response. It also opens the doorway to further discussion and allows you to make your point of view known.

Or you could say, "why don't you take it seriously when I'm upset? It only makes me more upset when you do that." And let him know that you would like some comforting.

Sometimes the easiest road to making us happy is not obvious to them, especially if they don't have such good relationship skills. So we have to make it obvious. Men!

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 06, 2007 12:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hey all,

We managed to sort it out after all :-)
I had to explain it to him right frm scratch...that how his ignoring the existence of a problem is a problem in itself and how i sometimes need him to go out of his way to say things to me...just so i feel like putting in that extra effort to make things work...it was really tough explaining it to him but well he understood it all at last...
Now I hope he deals better with these things...
Thanks a lot ppl

------------------
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 08, 2007 11:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hey all,

I dont know wots up with us

I seem to be getting upset by very small things...and he seems to be losing his temper on me...something he has never done before...

Today while we wr discussing something, he said something which pinched me...I wasnt exactly hurt or nething...just dint like wot he had said...so i asked him why he had said that...he seemed to lose his patience...and then he said that he dint like to spoil his mood...bcz of ne reason...and he likes to be happy always...
i some how have a feel that i cud deal with everything a lot more easily if i knew how he thinks, how he feels exactly...why he doesnt say the things he doesnt say and why he says the things he says...
And I try to explain myself to him...why i feel wot i feel...etc etc...but somehow I feel that he doesn't quite understand or want to understand me...i don't know wots going on...
I am suddenly feeling really lonely...its reminding me of the time my ex used to bother me a lot with a lot of fuss...i just hope im not turning into him...i dont wanna trouble my guy...
But i dont know how he can be so normal after v hv had a fight...i just cant stop thinking of things and trying to find a way out...and i dont think he even tries to think abt things...i dont know whether it is good or bad...i just wish i cud be happy...and be ok with everything...

------------------
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 08, 2007 05:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Hey HappilyJinxed.....why don't you post your birthdata and his birthdata so we can have a look at it.

What the problem is could be a couple of things:

A)he needs to learn some relationship skills; how to understand and treat a lady when she's down (as said above)
B) He has a problem with emotions and expressing them. He might have an Ascendant that does not "allow" him to express his emotions, a lack of water, or what have you. Either way, he's just not comfortable with certain emotions like anger or sadness and that could explain why he so quickly wants to be "normal" after a fight instead of just talking things out.
C) All of the above

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 09, 2007 03:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Dulce,

My birthday is 19th July, 1983, 5:25 PM Birthplace: Lucknow, India

His Birthday is 3rd March, 1984, 1:25 PM
Birthplace: New Delhi, India

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Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 09, 2007 07:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Pk, I will check out later when I have the time....just to give my advice

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 09, 2007 08:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks a lot Dulce

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1066
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted March 09, 2007 12:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Dulce, I looked too but I am clueless see if u can find anything.

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 09, 2007 01:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
So far, I quickly glanced and looking I see that he's triple water! (I'm totally scratching my head over this as well) With Pisces sun & moon plus a cancer Ascendant I suspect he has alot of emotional depth but the problem could be one of two things:

1) Even with a Cancer Asc, he may carry the "shell" that most of us cancerian have

2) As a man with all that "female" energy....he's never gotten comfortable with it. So he always tries to "hide" it as you've said.


Don't worry I'm not finished yet, but I will be in late afternoon/tonight to check everything out in depth.

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1066
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted March 09, 2007 02:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Dulce, this is exactly how i looked when i discovered he has a Pisces Sun AND Moon >>>

And when i found out that he has a cancer asc like me, i was like

lol...have fun looking at his chart after tht we'll compare notes.

ILWL

*edit* actually i didnt look at his natal much, but was looking into synastry and compisite for 'trouble'. and cudnt find much there.

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 09, 2007 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Ok.

Yes, about the triple water thing: When I say that I mean that he has the sun,moon, and Ascendant in watersigns. And that is, sun/moon in pisces with a Cancer Ascendant. That definitely explains why he so sensitive and can easily pick up on your moods (knowing when you are hurt). One thing to note is that as a male, he may not be comfortable with this "yin/female/emotional" energy because of what society says that a male should be like ('big boys don't cry' type of thing). And this again, explains why tries to hide things. This becoming the main theme of the relationship (letting you come close, but not completely close) could be explained by the Cancer Asc. It has become much like the cancer sun in having the tough "outer shell" to protect his "vulnerable self". This watery top three also explains his shyness.

You on the other are a Cancer/Scorpio/Cappy. And guess what?? I'm a Cancer/Virgo/Cappy and my moon is in the 8th....so I totally get you,hehehe. I'm guessing that you really don't easily express your emotions...but they're pretty deep with extreme intensity. The sun-moon trine that you have indicates that you are really at ease with you're emotions....this is compared to his sun-moon conjunction. With him having water in his top three, you probably find affinity with him. And I also can guess that this is one heck of an intense relationship!

You both have in common that you have venus in the 8th...his venus in Aqua and yours in Virgo. His being in aqua combined with the 8th house is a big paradox to me. I think the eighth house sort of colors it a bit...making his love nature more intense than that of the average Aqua Venus...oh, and more jealous. Yours being the same...although Virgo is the sign of service to others and you may also like doing "little things" in love while having your partner do the same for you (like picking up your favorite candy, or doing some errands for you...things that shows simeone you care).


He also has this venus squaring his mars/saturn conjunction. This can indicate a number of things: One could be that he's takes on more responsiblity than he should...most likely for love ones but this could anywhere else Even if he doesn't, he's still very responsible and serious in general...especially about love. But venus squaring his saturn could also explain his hesitancy in sharing his feelings in this relationship. It could also explain why he isn't so lovey-dovey and pampering when you're hurt and why he;'s not comfortable with feelings in another. The venus squaring the mars could indicate that he could be very sexual but with saturn thrown in the mix...that might be inhibited as well.

Now you on the other hand have venus squaring your jupiter-uranus conjunction in sag. This often indicates someone who needs alot of freedom and space in love but it doesn't seem that way from reading your post. I'm guessing that maybe your a bit "unconventional" in another way. You could be attracted to guys who are from a completely different background,race, and/or age group from yourself. I don't know if this is true...please correct me if I'm wrong. Either way, it still looks like you like to have alot of fun!

The other interesting thing I've noticed is that you have most of your planets on the top half of your chart...and he has all of his planets on the left side of his chart. You both have charts where mostly one side in emphasized but not the other. You having your planets on the top half could indicate that you are an extroverted person. This doesn't neccesarily mean you are outgoing, but you are very aware of your surroundings and other people around you as opposed to just #1 (yourself).

I don't knwo much about having most of the planets on the left side of the chart but here;s what I found from BobMark's:

quote:
Left and Right Side of the Chart

If there is a majority of planets on the left side of the horoscope, this is an indication that the person is better able to take initiative. Little is handed to these people on a silver platter, but that doesn’t make any difference. They can go out and get their own platter.


Is this true for him?

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 09, 2007 07:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Now, I didn't see any major problems woth your synastry itself....same with the compoasite. The composite has a nice grand trine and you could make it a loose kite with the loose venus to mars sextile. The same mercury-venus opposition that is in the synastry also shows up in the composite making the grandtrine the kite. I'm not good at interpreting aspect patterns though...you might want to google that. This mercury-venus opposition isn't that bad though...its good to have these two in aspect at all for the flow of communication. Its just that sometimes that may turn into bickering over small things.

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 10, 2007 03:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Dulce,

Thanks a lot for finding the time for this...it was so sweet of u [ ]

I will reply to it tomorrow sometime...so sorry I cudnt reply to it ...Actually I did, but somehow it dint get posted :-(
Neways...thanks a lot...

------------------
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 13, 2007 05:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Dulce,

Im so so sorry I wasnt able to reply to ur post earlier...was just trying to cope with a lot of things...the last week has been really trying :-(

Ok, I think ur analysis of our chatrs was quite right in most aspects...
He does find it really difficult to open himself up completely to me...and hates to admit his being affected by the things i say...Whereas I am comfortable with my being really emotional...I find it difficult to express my emotions with most ppl...but with some ppl I do open up...him belonging to the latter category...
I do like doing "little things" for him...but I dont really expect him to do the same for me...just seeing him happy is generally enuf reward for me... :-) and since he is really shy i know that he expresses his feelings in other ways...

Hmmm... I do like a lot of freedom in every relationship...i am particularly sensitive to ppl judging me...abt being unconventional...well that i am, in many different ways...i weigh and consider everything for myself first and dont follow things just bcz they r meant to be followed...maybe that cud be the thing u r hinting at...and ya, abt the fun part, yeah u bet

Abt the top half of my chart thing...yeah i am a very outgoing person...i really like going new places and meeting new ppl...and my job involves the same too !

Abt his Left anr giht side of the chart...I wud say that it is partially right...see with him its liek this...he is a really really lazy person when it comes to everyday things and wants his loved ones to just do every lil thing for him...but when it comes to his goals and dreams he is very ambitious and focussed...and he believes that can get where he wants to get one way or the other...so he does actually believe in getting his own platter there...

Abt the last part...yeah we have been bickering too much over really insignificant things lately...I really dont know why these things hv suddenly become such a big deal...

Though right now we have put all our problems on the shelf for some time...bcz he has a very very important interview in this week, which he has to prepare for...something which he has been dreaming of for long...and i am just trying to help him cheer up for the time being...so that he can give his best to everything...

That sums it up i think. Do lemme know wot u think.


------------------
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 13, 2007 07:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Oh good, I'm glad to know you liked my opinion! Will reply more later, but please keep us updated!

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 14, 2007 02:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Dulce,

He has been acting very weird for the past one week...he totally lost his temper on me like 5 days ago...i mean he was talking to me as if he had no concern for all the heartache i was feeling...while i was crying...and i had just talked to my sis and revved up my spirits to cheer him up...but he seemed to just refuse to get cheered up

He has this notion that there shdnt be fights like this...he likes things simple...and there shd be a perfect understanding b/w the 2 ppl...
Ana u know Dulce, we do have a very very good understanding, its just that we have not even been together for a full 3 months as yet...we still need to learn a lot abt each other...that's how the understanding gets better...knowing how to deal with different sides of a person...

But he just refuses to understand nething...he doesnt listen to ne one...he doesnt wanna talk to ne one abt it...

He has been talking just the bare minimum to me for the past 3 days...till yesterday i was really really troubled abt his being so weird and serious...but today his mom told me that he thinks that i am "too emotional and sensitive" ...that just broke my heart...i dont even feel like worrying abt him...he doesnt even seem to be wanting to talk to me much...its as if he is just talking to me for the heck of it...

if i wont call i doubt if he will call...but im just putting up with all of this bcz i dont wanna kick up ne scenes right now...but once his interview does get over i wont put up with all of that...

u know, im just feeling really really cold inside...i dont even feel nething inside...i feel that he doesnt even really need me...

Neway...this is all too too weird u know...i cant even imagine how we arrived at a point like this starting with something that tiny...
And I really dont know why i am so emotional...or why that is suppposed to be such a bad thing...i just know that that is something i cannot change...and its not fair of someone to expect me to change either...
I never expect him to be like me...how can he expect me to be all perfect all of a sudden...and why cant he see that that is THE only thing which is a problem that we have, and that too its only he who seems to think so, we dont hv ne other problems...none at all...and yet i am getting so much heartache and pain...
I dont know wot I have done to deserve this

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 14, 2007 03:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
A little while ago he came online. He was online for quite sometime, but he dint buzz me. Seeing him online upset me so much...i mean it just disrupted my state of peace...he generally only doesnt buzz me but today it just hurt even more...
I had not been feeling well too...and i had told him that...i had sent him a lot of mails on stuff i had searched on the net for his interview...
i just pinged him to ask him if he had chkd his mails..he told me that he had...
then he said that he wud just ask his dad to brief him on everything...the stuff which i had sent him...
i mean, he cudnt even thank me, and he doesnt even realize how much time i had put into that...cudnt he hv done that earlier? ...deciding to ask his dad...and secondly, its as if he doesnt need me for nething at all...
he cudnt even ask me how i was feeling...

I just dont know why he is doing this...
I dont know whether I will ever be able to move past all of this...

I listen to myself and all I can see is me cribbing...to so many ppl...here on the forum... to my friends...I just feel pathetic...this is not how I am... but I dont know how to help it...
I was very strong the whole day...but I just made everything terrible at the end of the day by pinging him...
I just really really needed someone to tell me that there is nothing wrong with me...

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 14, 2007 07:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
There is NOTHING wrong with you, sweety! Look, I don't want to dictate to you what you should or should not do about this relationship....but I don't think he has your best interests at hand. He doesn't seem very understanding of your needs and I'm suprised given his top three. I think this is his venus square saturn at work.....or the fact that he is so conflicted with himself and his emotions that he is caught up with himself and not concerned with the people around him (negative cancerian trait). I want to go on and on right now but I must head out the door to pick up some food. So for now I will say this: If you can't get the love from him, then you should get it from yourself! Just focus on you right now and worry abou him later. If you feel the need to clear things up with him, you should probably wait until after his big interview when there is less stress. But for now, you do YOU.

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 15, 2007 07:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks Dulce, you are a sweetheart

Things seem to be getting a little better today...his mom talked to him...and i think drove some sense into him...he sounded a lot more normal on the phone today...i feel a lot better now...its as if a great weight is suddenly dissolving a lil bit...

He has just been acting like a kid u know...he just wasnt being able to handle it all...and he panicked im sure...i think he was feeling that he was not beeing able to fulfill the expectations i had frm him...neway...we'll talk abt it later...
I feel a lot more sane now...
And thanks so much for helping me hold on...

------------------
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 15, 2007 09:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
He has just been acting like a kid u know...he just wasnt being able to handle it all...and he panicked im sure.


Yeah, tell me about it! Glad to hear that his mom has got your back though....makes things a heck of alot easier. And I'm aksi glad to hear that he's acting like an adult....I'll be waiting to hear some more.

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HappilyJinxed
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Neverland, India
Registered: Feb 2007

posted March 16, 2007 10:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HappilyJinxed     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Dulce,

Ya I know....his mom is a very big support for me...u know all his ppl love me a lot...his sis is always worried abt me...and his mom too...maybe it doesnt change the way things r with us...but it does make everything a lot more tolerable for me...it gives me the strength to hold on to him...
I am hoping that this is just a phase...and that's what his mom tells me too...and he was too freaked out abt this relationship thing...he was feeling he doesnt know a thing abt it...and doesnt know wot to do...which im afraid is true ...but neway...i just feel that wot we had was precious enuf for me to give him a chance...so i guess i'll just put up with his distanced manner for a while...

That's the update from my side...
May God give me strength...

------------------
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to :)

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3026
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted March 19, 2007 12:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Well, they say that mother (usually) knows best!

But that is just lovely!

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