Posts: 554
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted April 03, 2007 01:29 PM         

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Hey luv...just wondering how things are going with you. Did you get my email? Hope you're doing ok...

-CC

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Posts: 121
From: new york, new york, USA
Registered: Jun 2006

posted April 03, 2007 02:02 PM         

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Hey Bella... I did get ur email and apologize if I haven't back to you sooner... Things have been killer with work and school... I haven't had much time for anything... Me and Al are doing better now, thanks for asking... lol... We had a serious sit down Friday night, after a very tense dinner... Obviously the tension between us was pallible.... Basically we just got alot of our own burdens off of our chests... It really was difficult to get so much emotion out but I think we're both in a much better place now... We discussed my recent jealousy blowup, well actually he made fun of me... lol... He told me what he did tuesday night and basically said, all he did was eat 4 cookies and go to sleep... LMAO... he assured me that I had nothing to worry about and he understands that I can get like that... given our previous history... He made it a point to let me know that if I ever felt this way that we should always talk it out, no matter what... He admitted that he too gets jealous, possessive and overly protective of me when he's feeling insecure and that's ok... We'd work it out together... lol I just couldn't believe it and it actually took me by surprise but I'm glad that burden is off my shoulders now... I also spoke ot him about his attitude and seeming distance... I explained to him that he isnt the only person that has alot on their plates and that we should always make the effort not to take our frustrations out on eachother... I was able to tell him about the old hurts from the times we were much younger (High School days)and the hurt from that time never really had a chance to heal... When I told him that, his eyes darkened... He put his head down almost like he was ashamed of his actions... He listened intently as I poured my heart out, looking directly at me as I said all this... After I was done, he paused for a couple of moments... He took my hand and said "I'm sorry if I hurt you in the past. I didn't know any better and if I could take it all back I would, but I can't. What I will promise is to try harder to make this work for the both of us." Now, I was bowled over... I couldn't believe it... I spoke to him about this before but I knew it never really had an impact... With him saying that now, I know there has been a shift to a more positive place... I think the both of us needed to know were the other one stood... We've had a really rough couple of months and if I didn't think the foundations of this relationship were strong enough, we would've gone our separate ways... He finally verbalized his committment to our relationship, now its time to start over again... From a better place, a more honest place... CC, I can't thank you enough for your support... The article you sent me was sooooooo on the money, I was thrown back when I read it... I don't expect that things will get better immediately, but now I know that I can talk about it and be myself (no faking)and he can be the same with me... I can accept that... I like that...

Are you still having difficulty at home? How's ur mom and sis been treating you? I read a thread you posted a couple of days ago regarding giving up on love and I have to say... NO WAY!!! You can't give up!! I know that things don't seem to be going according to plan right now, but that's the beauty of life... You can't plan anything, just go with the flow... I think this is the time to be very introspective and find out what you want out of yourself... Find that self-love that seems so illusive sometimes... You know Al said something to me Friday that still sticks in my head now... You can never love anyone until you love yourself... When you find that self-love you will find that person that loves the you that you love... In the end, isn't that what really matters? Have you thought about moving out of state to pursue your radio thing? Try exploring your options now... get your family use to the fact that eventually you will branch out on your own... Begin to find yourself now and everything else will fall into place... Ok, I'm realizing this is getting wwwaaayyyyy too long... Hit me up when you get a chance... God's given you another day, thank him and smile... TTFN

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