posted April 28, 2007 05:35 PM         

I recently contacted a Scorpio that I was madly in love with, but made a conscious decision to severe ties with over two years ago... To make a long story short, he had a child and was trying to build a relationship with the child's Mom, although her pregnancy came as a result of a fling between the two of them.

He didn't really KNOW her, but he wanted to be responsible and do the right thing BY her... So while she was pregnant, he let her move in with him and they proceeded to reside as a family unit for the next 2 years.

Things eventually went sour between them and she moved out seeking child support, in which he was ordered to pay, but ALSO given the option of a paternity test… Well, because of the circumstances under which they met and she conceived, he thought “What the heck” and asked that one be done.

Come to find out, he WAS NOT the father of this child that he had known, loved and cared for for all of that time… It’s been a whole year since that occurred, but I have just reestablished contact with him only to find all of this out…

I still have feelings for him, but something’s telling me that he may not be emotionally available and is probably very resentful and brooding over the whole ordeal and the ex, since a year is just not enough time to heal after such a devastating blow.

Please advise…

Thanks,

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Tanae'

posted May 11, 2007 01:52 PM         

I'm almost to the point of really regretting ever making contact with him again, and I have come to the realization that the past is the past FOR A REASON!!!

As much as I would love to be there for him as a friend, He can't seem to get past seeing me as a person of sexual interest...

All of our conversations seem to have a sexual undertone, and he's expressed very openly that he wants to have sex with me again.

I told him that I had no interest in picking up where we left off over two years ago, but that we could hit the reset button and start things all over again.

With Scorpio's, could these sexual advances be a secret hidden desire of a need for closeness because of what's happened to him, or is this just him trying to get his rocks off with anyone that he can?

Thanks,

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Tanae'

posted May 12, 2007 04:52 PM         

Anyway, in my opinion, there's healthy sexual interest that is flattering, and then there's disrespectful "sex talk" when you know that he could care less about YOU and ONLY wants your body. That's when your gut is saying "Wait just a damn minute, I can't believe he just said that to me". It's when playful flirting gets rude. You know the difference. Don't kid yourself. Which is it for you?

If it were me, I'd say, "Scorpio, I'm not gonna lie, I'm flattered that you want to be intimate with me/I get your engines going/etc. but I am uncomfortable with how forward you're being, and it's turning me off. I'm only interested in taking things slow with you after the situation you've just come out of. I get that it might not be what you're looking for, so if you think you'd rather not be friends right now, that's okay, I understand."

That way you set a boundary without judging him, and the balls in his court. You may actually get a little respect from him, or he may say "peace out" and that will be the end of that. Whatever you do... DO NOT sleep with this guy unless you have a committment of some kind.... no matter how badly you want him. It will be bad news for you, I feel it in my gut. You'll end up very very hurt.

One more thing - never give a man more than he's giving you first... if you have that nagging feeling you're not getting what you'd like, listen to it. Don't try to rescue him from his sorrows right now. He's a man and he can deal. You should just be a fun, breezy place he likes to come to to feel good and happy. But remember, dont compromise for one second what YOU want.

Good luck!

posted May 12, 2007 04:54 PM         

Anyway, in my opinion, there's healthy sexual interest that is flattering, and then there's disrespectful "sex talk" when you know that he could care less about YOU and ONLY wants your body. That's when your gut is saying "Wait just a damn minute, I can't believe he just said that to me". It's when playful flirting gets rude. You know the difference. Don't kid yourself. Which is it for you?

If it were me, I'd say, "Scorpio, I'm not gonna lie, I'm flattered that you want to be intimate with me/I get your engines going/etc. but I am uncomfortable with how forward you're being, and it's turning me off. I'm only interested in taking things slow with you after the situation you've just come out of. I get that it might not be what you're looking for, so if you think you'd rather not be friends right now, that's okay, I understand."

That way you set a boundary without judging him, and the balls in his court. You may actually get a little respect from him, or he may say "peace out" and that will be the end of that. Whatever you do... DO NOT sleep with this guy unless you have a committment of some kind.... no matter how badly you want him. It will be bad news for you, I feel it in my gut. You'll end up very very hurt.

One more thing - never give a man more than he's giving you first... if you have that nagging feeling you're not getting what you'd like, listen to it. Don't try to rescue him from his sorrows right now. He's a man and he can deal. You should just be a fun, breezy place he likes to come to to feel good and happy. But remember, dont compromise for one second what YOU want.

Good luck!

posted May 13, 2007 05:44 PM         

I know EXACTLY what you're saying because I've actually been in your situation as well... It began with me trying to be supportive and nuturing to a friend and that's where it stayed until I pulled back a little bit.

I had become sooooo nuturing and supportive to that friend, that he would tell me about OTHER females that he WAS interested in sexually and would never make any sexual advances toward me!

Well in the end, my interest in him eventually began wane completely away and I only thought of him as just a friend... Then wouldn't you know it... It was then that he began to take a SPECIAL interest in me!!!

We've been friends for over 7 seven years now... and he still chases me to this day, and always makes the comment of "what if we ended up married one day?"

I must admit that I do love him...the only thing is...as his friend, I know EVERYTHING there is to know about him, the GOOD, the BAD, and the VERY UGLY...so I just don't know if he would be the right man for me. GO FIGURE!!!

As far as my Scorpio friend, my heart of heart says that he's damaged goods right now and even if he is being sincere, it's still coming from a very confused and dark place since his comments are both respectful and rude on different occassions.

I've pretty much put the ball in his court and if he doesn't want to do anything meaning with it outside of sex then that's fine.

The past is the past sometimes for a reason...and so at least this time now I know!

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Tanae'

posted May 14, 2007 02:28 AM         

Wow! I can't believe how familiar your sitch with your friend sounds... I swear, with my best guy friend, I feel like one of the boys sometimes by the way he shares things with me about women & sex... I often get the feeling he's trying to make me jealous (it works but I'll NEVER let on). GROSS. I do NOT want to hear this stuff. What I wanted to ask you is did YOU ever tell your friend how you felt about him, when you were into him that is?? I mean, did you ever tell him your feelings went beyond friendship? For me, my guy is like my best friend and I REALLY couldn't bear to lose the friendship. I'm not prepared to take a chance at "all or nothing"... he's too important to me, even if I must be forever tortured. I'm feeling that for now, while there are signs he may feel the same, I need to back off for a while and see if he misses me/comes after me, etc. Thoughts?

As for your other guy (scorpio), sounds like you have a good grasp on how to handle things. I get feelings about things and something tells me it's just infatuation with this guy... if you were meant to be together it seems he wouldnt' be disrespectful, etc. He doesnt sound like he's got the best character in the world. The important thing is that you seem to have this all in perspective. Tell us if anything develops!