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Author
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Topic: He's getting married...
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OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 815
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 07:05 AM
 
My pisces-boy has just gotten engaged.I can't tell you the sadness I feel in my heart, it fights so hard against the joy I feel knowing he is so happy. All I ever wanted is for him to be happy. I just hoped it could've been with me  I still love him, and I think a big part of that love has come from me letting him go. I think maybe I love him more now I can see the life he can have without me. If he can get himself together a bit more there's nothing to stop him from achieving anything.
His fiance seems like a lovely person, I've only spoken to her once and that was only on the phone (I was drunk as a skunk, we compared notes. I can't believe she stayed with him, actually) but she seems nice.
She actually looks like me from the side, sounds like me on the phone too which is a bit weird. Guess I helped him discover his 'type', lol! She's older than him as well, but only 2 years not 7, and she doesn't have kids. OKAY!!!!!!
Now I am going to be completely petty, self-pitying and playing the woman scorned in the harshest possible way!!! I hate that I'm doing this, I truly feel all the above but I also feel what I'm about to write as well.
Its so confusing!
FIRSTLY- It was just 6 weeks ago that he began texting me again as a friend, then came around on the weekend when I really needed a friend and he was awesome. He understood me in a way nobody ever has (usually we understood one another without words, and not just physically) he even finished my sentences.
We talked like we never have before and shared so much, he knows more about my behaviour when we were 'together' than he ever imagined. I never knew exactly where I was with him and he didn't with me either. It was nice to clear some stuff up but man do I have regrets! He does too, we are as bad as one another, I always thought so but I never realised just how much until we cleared the air with no holds barred.
Emotionally exhausting but very cathartic!
I knew he was still with his girlfriend but I wanted him in my life, even just as a friend. I still do (kinda). That was great until he propositioned me FOR SEX! I couldn't believe it, he did it in such a way that it didn't quite seem sleazy but oh boy did it seem wrong to me!
We argued for an hour and I cried a bit. I wanted to be with him so much but I could never knowingly sleep with someone else's boyfriend.
I now know exactly how to tell the difference between him telling the utter truth, avoiding things to spare someone's feelings and him downright avoiding the subject!
I think the only completely honest thing he ever said to me came as we were standing in my driveway at 3.30 in the morning. He'd gone to leave (I only live around the corner from him these days- small town) 3 times and the last time I'd called him back I was kinda weeping a little. I told him I didn't want to go inside cos I knew when I did then that would it for us forever.
That was the second time he came back.
The third time he came back he stood next to me and bowed his head to the height of my stomach, I put my hand on his head and these words I believe were the most honest he ever said to me.
"I can't get you out of my system. I kept trying, every time I thought just once more and that would be it but it doesn't work. I try but then I start thinking about you again and can't stop and I hate that. Even now I can't and its not fair on ***, or you or me."
The quiet agony in his voice resonated so truthfully with me. He was basically saying that whatever he'd said earlier that night about 'he DID like me and DID want to be with me but it was too late' was all a lie and he decided when we first met that I wasn't what he was looking for. I knew that anyway, I just always thought he'd come around.
For F@#k's sake did he think I wanted to fall in love with someone who was not even 14 when I had my first child??? I sent him a text a week later and he told me to delete his number so we had a fight, but I'm not sure he knows he's done anything wrong. Selfish, ignorant boy!!! Glad I'm not the one MARRYING him, just the one he begged to be with him 'one more time'. I'm so glad I didn't sleep with him that night, my conscience would've made me pressure him into telling her about it or I'd tell her myself. She actually followed me to the shops last week, I was at my best mates place (which is next door to his), and was yelling out that I was going to the supermarket. I changed my mind and went to the bank instead, but saw her drive to the supermarket as I pulled up at the bank.
There's one main street, only 1000 residents, surely that ain't coincidence?
I kinda got the feeling she's STILL suspicious about me (she shouldn't be but she SHOULD be suspicious about him). Wine is good right now. I'll probably delete this in the morning but I have to vent. he friend who told me he was engaged said 'men are just a$$holes' but I don't agree, she shouldn't either since she's pregnant and has a good guy in her life.
Not to mention she was friends with the pisces for years and is utterly shocked by his behaviour to his girlfriend.
To all those who read it- yeah he's a dog, but my soul still cries for its twin flame... I need to find a nice soul mate... At least I'm not pisces-boy engaged to his first ever girlfriend 6 months after meeting her online (mail order??? Wow, thats mean!!!) and 5 weeks after BEGGING someone else to sleep with him.
Its been 18 months since we first hooked up and it was only ever sex for him yet he still can't get over it???
He wouldn't wanna contact me again...
I hate I feel like that!!! God I want him to be happy but I feel he's doing it the wrong way! He decided to make her a 'serious' girlfriend during the last merc retro and gets engaged during THIS merc retro???
Something's wrong there, but I can't put my finger on it. Posted a query in the astrology forum but no bites so far...
IP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 412
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 10:43 AM
Meg~ Wow... what a blow. I know how it feels. It seems that you're on the right track to understanding what's going on here, with the mention of "twin flame" followed by "nice soul mate". Twin flames are not always meant to be together in this lifetime. You two are alot alike and bring out intense feelings/reactions in one another, both good and bad ones. It's likely easier for him to be with her- a companion soul mate- and he's still trying to escape his feelings for you and run from it by being with her. (I already posted that twin souls forum for you awhile back... I hope you have looked at all the threads there- You'd find alot of comfort and understanding from these people.) I'm not saying that you should hold out hope for him "awakening" and coming back to you. Please go to that EZ board site, and read "I Love You Dearly" thread called "I was once a runner- my perspective" in the Stories section!! It will do you more good than anything right now.IP: Logged |
OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 815
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 10:47 AM
Thanks!My god it hurts, but maybe in the next lifetime... Thanks for that link! And I completely understand the twin flames/soul mates thing, hence my reference. IP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 412
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 10:52 AM
I've been through the same shocking discovery twice now w/ that Cap. guy who's tormented my soul for over 2 years now. First it was him moving in w/ a girl (broke up), and now most recent is finding out that he's chasing after young 20-somethings and partying like he's in college. And he's 7 yrs. younger than me, too. I am finally seeing and accepting that we are living in different worlds and moving in opposite directions. IP: Logged |
OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 815
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 11:04 AM
I don't even know that we have many major 'soul mate' indicators in our synastry. Maybe the twin flame thing transcends all that. I'm 29 and I've been around so I know this isn't exactly something everyday.Here's the chart anyway, if you're interested!  Its weird, I lost my twin when we were in the womb. For a brief time we lived in the country (where we both live now) and in that time he was born, 2 weeks after my 7th birthday. I've never mentioned this before cos its kinda silly and creepy but hey, chardonnay is fun! IP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 412
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 11:33 AM
Go to cafeastrology.com which lists a whole article about soulmate indicators. I'm not good at reading those wheel charts. I know I've pulled up your synastry before with the grid and commented positively on that. 22 seems young for a guy to get engaged/married these days! Is it common in Australia? Actually... I'd stop studying the synastry though- It will just drive you batty and make you sad that no matter how good it is, the reality is playing out as it is... Also, you're right in that there's no true astrological signs/aspects for twin souls, except I have read that based upon surveys/studies that most (purported twinsoul connections) have suns in the same sign, moons in the same sign, and ascendants in the same sign, or if not same sign then in the same element.
IP: Logged |
OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 815
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 12:19 PM
Yeah 22 is young. Especially when he's never had a girlfriend before.
I always knew he had such strong ideas out of what he wanted in a girlfriend (wife???).
Just before xmas I ended our 'thing' I told him I couldn't see him anymore, I didn't want to do casual anymore and didn't want to say I wanted more from him. I was scared.
It wasn't the end though, that came later.
We'd just finished an interesting conversation about our hands, lol. (Going back to just before xmas) We have identical hand and finger shapes (he pointed out) although his are huge and mine are tiny. I was doing a half assed job of reading his palm (I only know what the lines on MY palm mean) and he asked me very seriously if he would ever get married and have kids, he was so worried about it and he wasn't even 22 at the time. I looked at the spot and the single line was identical to mine as well which we kinda tripped out about, so I could tell him what I'd been told that yes, there would be one.
Point of the story- I think because he's never had a girlfriend before he maybe thought he never would.
I wished the whole time we were doing our thing, whatever it was, that he would experience more out of life especially when it came to woman. Although I was scared that it would rob him of his sweetness.
I hope he's found true happiness but I'm scared he's grabbing hold of his first ever girlfriend without really thinking about it.
She is everything he always wanted but if that was true what the hell was he doing coming back into my life months later, causing himself and me such heartache. Not to mention her if she ever found out about it. She won't from me, I won't be responsible for that. Gee its nice to get this stuff out, thanks so much!!! IP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 412
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 01:30 PM
I think he feeds off that connection/energy between you. It's too intense to completely submit to but yet he wants to know it's still there. IP: Logged |
OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 815
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 01:59 PM
I just wish he had've stayed right away from me. Right away from my best friend and right away from me, left it when I did back in march. I stayed away from him, I respected that there was someone else to consider. He didn't, though now he wants to marry her. I can't wrap my head around that, I'll probably never get married as I take that whole thing so unbelievably seriously. IP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 412
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 02:20 PM
That's how it goes with these connections... Can't stay away. At least you can blame/fault him on this last most fatal round. On my last round, I could only blame myself as I sought him out, after seeing him sending out (online) signals that he was available again though. He may not even marry this girl- She could break it off, if he doesn't. That's what happened with this Cap guy. She must still feel threatened by his connection/past history with you, to be nearly stalking you now still? IP: Logged |
OzMeg222
Knowflake Posts: 815
From:
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 02:27 PM
Could've been a coincidence, but I don't really believe in coincidences. I really wouldn't blame her if she was concerned about me, he may tell her she's paranoid but obviously she's not.
I would never cross that line, she can trust ME if not him, lol.
She seems pretty determined to hold onto him. When the pooh hit the fan in march and she discovered how much he'd lied to her and still stayed. I cut all contact after that at least and I wasn't even his girlfriend, he didn't owe me the same level of honesty he owed her.Is there any part of you left that hopes you and your cap could make a go of it? I feel like the world's silliest hopeless romantic, it'd be nice to know I'm not alone! IP: Logged |
CapGirl
Knowflake Posts: 412
From: Indianapolis, IN, USA
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 29, 2007 02:54 PM
Well, you are a Pisces...  I am abandoning hope, with all the universe has shown to me lately about him. It's like the universe was delivering me inside info. asking me, "Do you realllly want THIS??" I think I'm waking up to the reality of the age difference and basic fact that alot of men want younger women, even though I consider myself young in appearance and attitude. My ordeal has been with long periods of no contact of recent too so it's also been me accepting that I'm not in the forefront of his "mind" anymore. I think if he was trying to get over me, that this ex accomplished that for him. IP: Logged |
miss_muffet
Knowflake Posts: 641
From:
Registered: Mar 2004
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posted June 29, 2007 07:00 PM
I am so sorry to hear that. I admire your strength of character. I am not sure if I can be as strong and level headed as you when put in the same situation. He's too young to realize that a connection like yours is rare. My heart breaks each time I see couples with connection like that break it off. Seem such a waste. I don't know what or how to console you except to let you know that my heart goes out to you. Be strong and hold your head up high. You are a good person and he is lucky just to have known you. MM IP: Logged | |
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