posted June 30, 2007 03:42 AM         

like you probably read on the astrology board, I planned to go to London to see the actor I had been dreaming of on stage.
I really had the feeling I was supposed to do this.
But the thing is that I`ve been having really upsetting dreams lately.
The first took place when I bought my ticket for the Eurostar. I dreamed that water was leaking into the tunnel, and that we were actually drowning; mixed with images from the film "Titanic".
Well, I`m a little coward when it comes to journeys, so I thought it`s maybe just that. But now I`m getting more than a little bit scared.
Two years ago I wanted to go to London, too. And one day I felt the urge to kind of learn by heart the map around Bloomsbury. I even learned all the names of the streets, and I looked at pictures from Russell Square station. I thought I was just doing a research for a story. But I was magnetically drawn to Russell Square and while I was looking at the pictures, my heart grew heavy all at ones.
In the night I dreamt I had been going there, when suddenly a man appeared and he was scolding me for being there and said, that he had told me I should not take the bus and why I could never listen to him. I was confused, but then all hell broke loose, I don`t know what happened, but all of a sudden it was very loud, people were screaming, and it almost looked like a scene from a war. Well, I didn`t have time to observe this, because the man pulled me out of this dream, away from there.
When I awoke, I heard on the news that the very same night a bomb had exploded on a bus in Bloomsbury. Coincidence or not, it will have been 2 years ago on the day I chose to travel this year. But I hadn`t been aware of that.
However, some nights ago this man appeared again in my dreams (I had begged him to never come into my dreams again, because dreams with him were always scary, and yes this man was another actor, and he is connected to the darkest period I can remember in my life), and he told me that I wouldn`t have all the pieces to the puzzle yet, or that I didn`t know where they really belonged. I then in this dream thought of the other dream and told him that I knew he had tried to keep me from London two years ago, and asked him if he wanted to do it again, keeping me away from there and if so, why.
And he answered: "It`s all about the timing."
And then this part of the dream was gone and it led to my dream of Joaquin Phoenix (it was a real actor`s meeting during this night. lol).
And two days ago, I felt the need to look at a book with pictures of great monuments, and my gaze got stuck at a picture of Trafalgar Square and Picadilly Circus. And all at once I felt like I couldn`t breathe. I was scared. Scared to death. I just could feel a dangerous threat lingering in the air around that place. I tried to tell myself that I was being paranoid.
But well, you know, the morning after that they found the bombs in the cars near Trafalgar Square / Picadilly Circus.
And now I am really uncertain what to do.
Am I being paranoid?
ARe those dreams and feelings warning signs?
Should I not go?
Should I go?
I really don`t know what to do anymore.

DD

posted June 30, 2007 04:02 AM         

I'm sorry to hear that you have been having upsetting dreams. However, I don't think anyone here can tell you for definite if these dreams were real, prophetic ones or anxiety ones. I know that there is a lot of negative stuff going on in the news lately, but it is important not to concentrate on the negative stuff and see the bigger picture. And do you travel far often? Could it be anxiety holding you back from finally spreading your wings?

My advice, is that the best bit is to take some time alone, somewhere calm, anywhere you feel calm...just meditate on this for a while...look into your heart and ask yourself where is the true source of these dreams....anxiety.....or are they truly from your higher instinctive consciousness?

posted July 06, 2007 04:36 AM         

Well, whatever it is, it`s too late now. I``ll be on my way tomorrow. I just risk it.

HOwever, Izo, I didn`t tell you all of the dream, where that other actor came into my dream, telling me it is all about the timing. We were talking about last time, two years ago, when he warned me to go there, and I asked him if he had kept me from there and why.
And this time hsi answer was a bit different. He said that he indeed had kept me from there, because it would have been the wrong time. And it`s all about timing.
He said: "It`s all about the timing. It wouldn`t have been the right time back then. Now it is."

I don`t know. Yes, maybe those dreams were warning signs, maybe they are just a sign that I am really scared, because this step is so huge for me.
You know, I always gave in to my needs for safety, for not changing, for not moving forwards, because it was so frightening. But this time I won`t.
And since this decision is clear, my psyche has started developing all possible minor physical nuisances like headache, toothache, backpain, and fear, panic attacks. Maybe the dreams stem from this panic attacks, and nothing else. I don`t know.

posted July 06, 2007 10:01 PM         

I think it is anxiety, as I get worked up when I go somewhere, even as I anticipate it. I think my brain hasn't figured out how to sort out EXCITEMENT from being anxious, it just all feels icky, downright scary.

Seeing those landmarks around London and the reactions you had to them, I'd be interested in looking further into that. They may be of another time. . . where's Brian Weiss when you need him? Seriously, perhaps a regression would give you some insight.

In my humble opinion, I believe you are totally safe and a-okay going there now. I think what you are "seeing" and dream of has more to do with the past.

Something may have happened to you a very long time ago, in those places. However, if you go now, it could be so healing, and so empowering.

posted July 07, 2007 12:11 AM         

yes, you may be right. `This is a huge step for me, because I have never been in a foreign country, on my own, and I haven`t been on a holiday for 3 or 4 years. So, yes I am way beyond excited and scared.
I guess, that`s it. And of course, the fact that London has been so much in the news lately, didn`t help my excitement. lol
You could be right about the past-life-thing, too. I´ve always felt something special about that city, very mixed feelings. Very good and some rather dark vibes. Maybe my dreams are just expressing those half conscious feelings about it.
But I feel actually quite good this morning, I have slept well the last two nights. No sign of nightmares, which kind of calms me. If there was danger, my Higher Self would warn me one or two nights before my trip.
Also, I had those dreams and feelings before the bombs were found; but not after their finding.. After that my night`s sleep was calm and peaceful, apart from working myself up into anxiety attacks. lol But those attacks didn`T reach into my dreams anymore. So I guess, you`re right. Thank you.

posted July 07, 2007 08:43 AM         

I`m sorry to disappoint you all, but I`m not in London. Jip, still in Germany.
What a day this has been! Either it showed that I am really the silliest, scared, superstitious person on earth, or that we are actually guided, sometimes in almost dramatical ways. Not THAT dramatical, mind you.

Well, it started all rather normal, if you forget about the cab-driver, who wanted to chat with me at 6 a.m. *yawns* and how he showed me all car of ambulances and doctors there were. And there were quite many on the street.
However, I got my train, it started and then after the next halt, it stopped and stood still. For almost one hour! Apparently there had been people on the tracks. WE stood for one hour, which meant, that I would miss the train which would get me to the Eurostar, which of course means that I had missed the Eurostar.
However, we then had to change trains to get to the next main station, which we did.
On that way a young woman, maybe a bit younger than me or the same age, approached me and started talking to me. She was on her way to work, she was selling mobiles. She was joking that in a way she took care that people received important messages.
Usually I`m a very shy and reserved person and don`t talk all that much in trains, but that girl was strikingly familiar. I can`t put my finger on it, but she seemed so familiar to me, very strange.
However, she initiated the talk, starting with the changing of the trains (I hadn`t seen her in the other train before, but apparently she had seen me) ; I told her about me missing the Eurostar, and she said without missing a beat: “I believe in destiny, don`t you? There`s a reason for everything. And who knows what good it is for that you missed the train. Yes, I believe this was a fated missing of trains.”
I gulped a bit, noone ever talked to me about destiny 20 seconds after meeting.
Then we continued talking and I don`t know how, but somehow she suddenly blurted out that she loved musical, and had seen them all, but the one she loved most of all was “Starlight Express”.
I nearly choked on my water, because this is the very musical I have discovered musical-man in (does anyone remember him from my writings?). She became really enthusiastic, raving about the new developments of the musical and at last almost begged me to go there again (Last time I saw it, I was in London, 10 years ago - how ironical!). And another strange coincidence; just before the train stopped I had started listening to my cd (with plugs of course) and the cd had made a jump (probably the rough course of the train) to a certain song, a certain phrase (the only song musical-man is singing on this cd); it were the words: “In the silence of the night dark visions rise, but I`ll stay. Every nightmare awakens, shadows become demons, everywhere threatens danger.”
And just after the last syllable the train stopped. Such fitting coincidences really send cold shivers down my spine, especially with all those visions and nightmares I´ve had before.

However, still, at the next station I went to the service office to book the next Eurostar. The lady was very helpful, but still I should have payed a lot of money for the Eurostar (and I had already a ticket for the one I missed); she really tried to get a cheap one, really tried for a long time, at least 30 minutes. And all the time I was feeling completely dizzy and strange. And then she mentioned how calm I was, so different from other passengers. And then I realized, I wasn`t calm, I was acting like in a dream. I couldn`t get this feeling away, that I was captured in a dream, that nothing of it was real, or rather, that someone pulled the strings, and I was just a puppet doing and saying what had been written in a script. I`ve had my fair share of deja-vus, but none ever lasted almost a whole day!
Still I asked her, how I could get to the Eurostar, and even before she started to describe the way, I knew it. I had gone this way in my dream, well I had been desparately looking for the right gate. I had never been to Bruxelles to that Eurostar-station, and still I knew it was below the other trains. I could even draw the station! And in my dream I have had a gratis ride on the Thalys, because I had missed the right train. And I had met some women in the train, who had missed the first train, too, whom I was talking to, in my dream.
But in reality, I stood there at the ticket office and was thinking if I should buy a ticket or not, and at first I decided to not buy another ticket. But then all at once I felt so strongly that I was acting out a script and I said the exact words I had said in my dream, which I remembered all at once: “You may think I`m crazy, but give me that ticket.”
And then she called someone up on the station, where the trains were, because I had no more ticket for the train to Bruxelles. And when I came up there, the nice man said he would take care that the Thalys would take me to Bruxelles, even if I didn`t have a ticket, because it was not my fault I had missed my train.
The Thalys! And I stood there like paralysed, and then my look fell onto a newspaper and there were only two words standing out: “Luck” and “life”, but the words were reversed, on their head so to speak, and I felt all at once so much adrenaline rushing through me; that was a completely new dimension of fear.
But I told myself, that I should get myself together and just get into that bloody train, so I could laugh about my paranoia afterwards, but when I wanted to move towards the Thalys, I felt like something was almost physically holding me back, I couldn`t make one step towards it. So I went to the service-man, thanked him for his help, and said I had changed my mind. I even told him that I had dreamed that whole bloody day, and that it didn`t end well in my dream, and he said: “But it`s n ot even the 13th, It`s the 07.07.07.” That was strange, usually we say 7th of july or 2007, but he emphasized the 3 7`s. And well, I don`t know why, but I said: “Yes, that`s exactly the problem.”
Then I turned and went away, and in that moment I felt like I was waking up from a terrible nightmare.
However, I had just sat down in the train back home, when I again pondered, if I should give it another try (the Thalys had still been there), be mature and grown up, but the moment I wanted to get up again, the train started moving.
I told myself that I did the wrong thing, that I overreacted and that nothing would gonna happen, and that I spoiled my wonderful holidays, and in that moment – we were not far away from the station- I saw a bunch of men around an old train, and they were all wearing gas masks. Well, I msut say, I had the imagination that I couldn`t breathe well all morning long, which miraculously has disappeared now.
A few metres away the train stopped again, something technical, and we should not open windows or doors (probably something in the air).

I don`t know, maybe I`m really only paranoid, but I would probably would have died of fear, if I had gone there.
I don`t know, were those things signs, or did I only see this, because I was so scared from the beginning on?
But however, even though I scold myself for being such a coward, I just couldn´t go there.
This has been a really strange day.
And I have no idea, how i shall explain to my family and friends, that I haven`t gone. Because I can`t tell them the true reasons, they wouldn`t understand. I`m not even sure I understand myself what has happened.