posted July 08, 2007 06:49 PM         

i have known this boy since september or november of 2005. we started our relationship on Christmas day(kinda cliche but it was cute. He was the best boyfriend i had ever had. we were so close and connected. we had wonderful conversations and he mad me feel so safe and comfortable with him. i was deeply in love with him. i felt constant butterflies and excitement whenever i was in his presence. he was like a brother to me but i loved him as well. he mad me feel so beautiful and happy. Any arguments or disagreements we minor and not very violent but they were settled.

We broke up the summer of 2006 because he finally told me that my suspicion of him cheating on me with a certain girl was true. typically it wasn't that bad because he had only told the girl that he would be her boyfriend and they never went any further than that. but the situation just hurt me so much and it hurt so bad which is strange because i usually don't get emotional over things like that and i could find it in myself to let it go. but this time i couldn't let it go. i couldn't deal with the situation or him.

I have forgiven him since then. we are still as close as before. maybe even closer. i just want to be with him again but we both are in relationships with two loving people. but my love for him is still very deep. i have cheated on my current partners with each other. i don't believe that it is right nor do i try to justify our actions. but we both feel that the relationships we have now are not bad so we have decided not end them just to get back with each other. we feel that we shouldn't throw away something that is good because we are both learning from our current relationships. we both care for our partners. I guess we are just waiting for a sign or something to say that we should be together. I'm always feeling like i'm being pulled in two directions with my boyfriend. i want to be everything he needs but at the same time i know that i cant. i just want to know why i cant leave him in the past? and why do i feel that i need him so much in my life?

*my birth info is 1/4/90 13:55 washington dc.
*his birth info is 9/12/89 17:36 Washington dc.

*a little long winded but thanks in advance*

posted July 09, 2007 07:05 AM         

Well, these types of situations suck, because it's all a matter of time and timing. The main advice I can give, from what I've experienced, is to let time help sort it out. Suddenly making a decision to leave your current partners and be with each other is fine if it works out but very risky, as only one of you might do it, or you might regret it, resulting in a lot of pain and guilt because you do care for your current boyfriend. It may be fate that neither of you are meant to stay with the people you're currently with and will end up together. But maybe not yet. Let the relationships run their natural courses. Then, if you and this guy are indeed meant to be together, at one time, you will both be single again. You're right too, you can learn from your current relationships.

One golden rule- don't be impatient.
But don't supress your feelings either. Hmm tricky advice, sorry.

Why you can't leave him in the past... this could be to do with lots of things. The most obvious is that you do share a genuine connection and go well with each other. Also likely is that he has something which makes you excited. Sometimes it doesn't matter if the person is reliable, nice or even good for you. If they have that thing that makes you go wow, I love this person, I want them, then you aren't gonna be able to forget it easily, until you meet someone else who tops that. Perhaps your current partners are good for you but don't impress you in that way, (horrible as it is to consider) cos otherwise you wouldn't still be thinking about this other guy.
Again, I'm guessing you want him in your life because he excites you. Love and lust are a sort of mental illness (true!) and so it causes some obsession when you really like someone.

All this said, I don't want to encourage you to do the wrong thing, not knowing all the details, so the best thing I could say is, go with the flow. And if you are considering being together, talk about it with each other first to avoid one of being disappointed...