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Author
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Topic: understanding cancer men
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mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 01:28 PM
 
started out strong. ive sent him a few cards wishing him well on things hes doing in his life. he works a lot.ive went to see him and he made a statement im not used to this, i guess having company cause he so busy thru the course of the day.. i didnt get a bad vibe. recently i think i ruind this. he made a remark out the blue. and didnt elaborate what he meant. i felt there was no communication and flooded him with text msgs. after he said he cant focus on strong frenship. so i said and i felt like i was falling in luv and u been on my mind. i apologized in a letter for sending all those texts. he texed me he wasnt upset. i aint believe him. a week or 2 later i put a music cd in the mail of what he listens too he said right up his alley. that was that. eventually we talked for a brief moment about the text but this was after i texed him another time something freaky and out the blu he said i still luv my daughter mother. i didnt overreact i replied in a positive manner like a friend that you will always she gave u a child. if you still in love with her see if she feel the same. i didnt want to say that but i wanted him to see i was mature. thats win he cald me later and talked about the text and he said he took it as pressure cause i was asking for a yes or no if he wanted to grow in this frenship and he kept saying cant focus. the last talk was 2 wks ago. help. i since then text him im staying in touch regardless was that stupid of me knowing that he may have x me out completly cause he think i maybe sum crazy chick. this is in a nutshel. ive texed him sumtime and no reply. im afraid its done. ive deleted his number from my fone. IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 2086
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 14, 2007 01:46 PM
Sweetie its time to move on let him go..Just on the strength that he still loves his baby mama..You will meet some one new who perhaps will be on the same page as you..Don't waste anymore time in this spot. life is to short.. IP: Logged |
Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 02:31 PM
I have to agree with Mama Mia.I have a Cancer ex with whom I have a daughter. While we've both moved on(technically) I know he's still in love with me and he hasn't had a serious love relationship because of this.  Cancers have a hard time letting go. I don't know if they ever truly move on. I'm hoping he does because I wish the best for him, but I don't envy the woman who gets with him and has to deal with the feelings he's still carrying around for me. If he's being a good enough guy to be upfront and honest with you about his feelings, I would let him go. If you still are trying to have something with him then you would have to keep in mind you'll(more than likely) always play second fiddle to his daughter's mother but you deserve to be first in your man's life. Good luck to you.  IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 02:44 PM
aw man. thank you guys. our last conversation was 2 wks ago after i replied to the i still luv my daughter reply. and he reminded me you gotta take things as they come. which i felt ok we still kool. i sent him a text the other day, im still gonna stay in contact regardless, was i fool for sayin that. do you guys think becuase i may have pushed him away. at the very beginning he wanted me to meet his daughter, and i said i really wanted him to get to no me first. he said he did like me and like the way things was going. that was until that mishap several weeks ago. im not sure if signs have anything to do with it, but i read up on cancers and from what i get maybe i should stay consistent and still send a card from time to time, let him no i hope his day is going good. i truly felt something going on in my heart. why would he make that statement then call me after it to discuss something else other than that statement. im trying to be optimisticIP: Logged |
Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 02:59 PM
Mantoinette - I can only reply based on my personal experience, this may not apply to the Cancer man you know, but I'll share what I can.I think he told you he still loved his daughter's mother because he does. He's being upfront with you about where his heart is and that it probably won't be what you want it to be. To me it's a good thing that he was honest and upfront with you. He could have easily lied to you or led you on then dropped you, but he let you know where he is upfront. And while he may be open enough to spend some time with you, he may not be up for any emotional involvement right now. My Cancer ex brings women around our daughter waaaay too quickly to make me happy and I think I've finally gotten through to him on this. I don't think it means anything to him when he has women meet our daughter but it means something to me and to her, so I've put a stop to that unless it's something serious. I think you were right to put the brakes on that and he may have seen that you were right. Now I think my ex now mainly has her around his friends - male & female. If your Cancer was looking at you as just a friend then he may have been fine with you being around his daughter. But with the feelings you've developed for him and the fact that he's not in a place to deal with them, he probably is pulling back because with the way things may go(you having feelings & him not) you two may not be in each others' lives enough to meet his daughter. Finally, my Cancer ex isn't a "jerk" per se, but if a woman throws herself at him after he's already said he can't be with her emotionally then he may just take advantage of her(sexually). I would hesitate before putting yourself in this position, especially if you have feelings for this guy(which you obviously do). If you can really handle *just* being friends then maybe contact him once in a while in a friendly manner but no "booty." He seems to want a "friends with benefits" situation right now and feelings would get in the way of that. Hope that helps a little. Good luck to you. IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 2086
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 14, 2007 03:03 PM
Never mind about what he wants, focus on what you want and if whatever that is,is making you happy and reciprocating..The larger issue is that your more foucused on him then you are yourself and you should be happy. Later for what words come out of his mouth watch his actions..there is where the proof is...Stop texting him try and move on and open up to other possibilities..Your a Taurus alot like Cancers have a hard time moving out of relationships..If you focus on your happiness you will be ok.. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:05 PM
virgo, each time i hear the truth it stings me. i had a dream the other night that i was with him and his daughter. whats up with that.im letting go. i deleted his number. but i texed him 2 days ago that i will stay in contact regardless. was i a fool for doing that. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:17 PM
man. you guys are good. i love this site!! if i stay in contact what will that portray to him.and yes both of you are right. i am a taurus and yes no one have ever made me feel the way he has only becuase he has touched me mentally and emotionally. he has inspired me and changed me. and i thank him for that. i cant get over the dream i had of him and me and his daughter was together. i dont know if i will be ok. so far i think im seeing it for what it was. ive deleted his number from my phone. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:19 PM
because i know from reading that cancers may have a hard time letting go of past relationships, so here was a poem i was gonna send to him with a thanks giving card.
LIFE IS NO CRYSTAL STAIR. SOMETIMES THINGS, SITUATIONS, FEELINGS, MAY NOT ALWAYS BE CLEAR. WITH PATIENCE & FOCUS THINGS WILL BECOME KNOWN. AND WORDS OF TRUTH WILL BE WRITTEN IN STONE. AINT NO TROUBLE AS BIG AS THE MOUNTAIN. AINT NO RAIN FALLS HARD LIKE WATER FROM A FOUNTAIN. WITH EVERY DROP THAT FALLS IS ANOTHER LIGHT THAT WILL SHOW. AND THE SUN THAT WILL SHINE MAY NOT ALWAYS SEEM TO GLOW. WITH PATIENCE & FOCUS THAT LIGHT WILL BECOME VISIBLE & LIFES SITUATIONS WILL BECOME MORE MANAGEABLE.BUT SOMETIMES WHAT WE THINK OF OUR LIVES STEMS FROM REMISCING THOUGHTS OF THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED OR MEMORIES OF THE PAST. WE FIND OURSELVES STUMBLING OVER PATHS THAT WE WERE ONCE AT LAST. THESE TRAVELS CHANNELS INTO DESTINATIONS INTO THE PRESENT WHICH AFFECTS HOW WE HANDLE SITUATIONS AND TURN FROM THOSE WE TRAINED OURSELEVES TO BELIEVE ARE NOT PLEASANT.. ONCE OUR MINDS ARE MORE CONTROLLED INTO WHAT WE FEEL & BELIEVE NOW RATHER THAN WHAT THOUGHTS ARE LINGERING FROM THEN, WE CAN CONTROL THE MANIFESTION OF THOUGHTS THAT DIRECTS US INTO THE FUTURE AND FIND THAT LITE THAT WAS ONCE DIM IS NOW SHINING BRIGHT AGAIN..AND WE WILL ACCEPT AND RECEIVE THINGS MORE GRACEFULLY THAT WE ONCE NEVER HAD, AND LET GO OF THE PAST THINGS THAT ONCE MADE US SAD. should i send it IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 2086
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 14, 2007 03:23 PM
NO!!!Move on, thats the best that you can do for you and him..And if he realizes he wants you let him come for you.. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:29 PM
thank you very much. i feel like crying. i guess persistent isnt key even if i feel like hes watching to see exactly how much i claim i feel for him. i will not send it. i will keep it on my computer to keep me strong. i need to stop playing me and his converstations back in my head and little clue things hes said. like when we went to dinner, i said sumthing about oh is this mines, he said no its ours.
little talks we had he would say thats a good reply, or he know i support him. the last time i went to see him which was only twice, he said something about he not used to this, but you are right. all that ive done it would be nice if he really knows that i could be the one. oh well. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:32 PM
i am letting go slowly but surely, and with the replies i actually go back on this site and re read them because thats what keeps me strong. i IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:40 PM
say, you know what else in addition to the 3 prior post to this one above, why would he have asked for my pitchures 3 weeks ago.? that one left me puzzled. again, thatnks for you replies. it just further confirms things to me. i sometimes become redundent becuase you may see this message on other subject topics and one person told me that im lookin to hear what i want to hear. and that discouraged me becuase im a taurus and respect the truth. and the only reason why i have other messages on here is becuase it helps me to move on. anyways, i will go home and go to sleep and stay focused. i wonder if i made an impression on him to maybe hopefully call me again. he stays outta state too and i did see him twice. and i did put it out there that i dont mind to come see him but that was back in july.IP: Logged |
Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:47 PM
DO NOT SEND THAT POEM!!!You will feel even worse if you do! After reading more of your writing I would say don't contact him at all!!! You have feelings for him, but he's still in love with his ex. He wants "friends with benefits." Not really even friends, and not a relationship. If he really wanted to just be friends then he would have contacted you back as a friend. He wants the benefits. No relationship. Again, Mama Mia is right.
You need to focus on YOU and making YOU happy. He can't do it and will probably only make you more miserable. Your dream was because you are focusing on him when you're awake, so it's only natural that you would dream about him too. The text you sent was fine, but I wouldn't send anything else. If he ever wants anything with you he needs to come to you. You've done more than enough to let him know that you'd be open to sharing things with him. If he doesn't want that, there's nothing you can do. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 03:56 PM
both of you enjoy your the rest of your day. you guys are awsome. i apologize if i sound redundent. im sure i will want to talk more tomorrow i hope i dont agitate yall with the same nonesense. how are yall lives going. i will reply tomorrow as im leaving work nowIP: Logged |
NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1543
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 14, 2007 04:20 PM
My ex is a taurus, I am a Cancer, he bugged me so much and he was so persistent I had to put a restraining order against him.
Do you get what I am trying to say here?IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 15, 2007 08:04 AM
i got you nam. i never felt like i was buggin him. since i met him i always cald him every 3 or 4 days. sometimes not even on the weekend. there was a time or 2 i didnt call him 4 a week. last contact verbally was oct 28th when i text him. he text me back sumthing out the blu i still luv my daughter mom and he hoped that my mom was ok. i replied in a mature manner i texd him does that mean we cant hang out no more he kept saying cant focus on that i was sayin i prefer a yes or no until then he cald me said about all the text msgs and cald later and said he didnt want me to think he was mean when he was telling me about the text msg show down and you gotta go with the flow. but anyways i didnt communicate that following week. and this wk i texed him once on mondy. i delted his number from my fone. IP: Logged |
cancerrg
Knowflake Posts: 2528
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted November 15, 2007 10:59 AM
:::understanding cancer men:::thats a crime ! so dont even try !
if you dont believe me ask all the ladies over here !  IP: Logged |
Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 15, 2007 11:12 AM
LOL @ cancerrg. I think in this case the Cancer man has been very clear and easy to understand. IP: Logged |
cancerrg
Knowflake Posts: 2528
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted November 15, 2007 12:23 PM
is that so ? (i didn't read the posts ! )
ok so in that case , he has done the crime ! how dare he ? IP: Logged |
Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 15, 2007 12:30 PM
Lol cancerrg. Guilty conscience much? As far as I can tell, no crime committed. Just unrequited affections. He was actually upfront and honest about where he is at emotionally and not being available. Not a crime, but definitely inconvenient. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 19, 2007 09:01 AM
hey guys,
you know it dont even matter. cause ive accepted that he doesnt want too be bothered. for those of you who have not read the post please feel free to scroll all the way up. im always open to new ideas. as far as right now, i have not called and he has not cald since oct 28. its all good. im getting past it although i dotn want to. in the meantime, please read the first post above im interested in more opinions.because thats whats helping me!!IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 19, 2007 09:04 AM
Virgo/Aries75
what do you mean unrequitted affectionsIP: Logged |
Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted November 19, 2007 12:58 PM
Unrequited affections = affections that are not returned or where the feeling isn't mutual.You had/have feelings for him and want more affectionate dealings with him, he doesn't want or feel the same thing. I hope things are getting easier for you. IP: Logged |
mantoinette
Knowflake Posts: 51
From: phila, usa
Registered: Oct 2007
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posted November 19, 2007 02:49 PM
virgo/aries you just dont know how much you and the others on this site have helped me come to the conclusion to delete his number from my fone. inspite of everyone on here and outside of this site believe i did not pressure him or do anything out of the ordinary. he just took my letters and questions the wrong way. the letters was written because i dont talk to him that much over the fone, and when i asked him do he seee me as a frend with potention he just say cant focus on that never a yes or no.all i wanted was to know if he planned to put any type of effort and because there was some lack of communication i felt that he didnt want to ever be my frend and let it grow. part of me believe that i had no business sending long letter to a grown man this isnt high school but at the same time i just wanted to get somethings off my mind and knew i had to find a way to do it and that was in a letter. i ask myself maybe i didnt even give it time to grow. and especially with the text msg show down. which was provoked when he texed me out the blue all good and i asked what is he talkin about and he just said just a comment. i looked at that as lack of communication, and thats when i let all my true feelings out i felt like i was falling in luv, etc etc,i only said thsi stuff after i asked him do he see me as a frend with potential and he said cant focus on strong frenship which is not saying he dont want to be my frend. i took that as my actions may have shown him i wanted something strong. and thats what prompted a letter explaining that i just want to be myself around him without thinking im pushin 4 something more. and becuase i sent all those text msgs i thought i ruind everything and thats what i was askin him. i dont know. im just confused about the whole thing. he hasnt cald since oct 28 win his last words was gotta go with the flow. and this was after his statement i still luv my daughter mother and i replied as a frend would. that when he cald and we rapped for a minute. ive cald 2 other times since then and sent 2 or 3 text. but that was it. im done. i believe i wont ever or see him ever again.IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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