posted November 20, 2007 05:28 PM         

Recently an Aries man has been asking me out. He is smart, funny, wry, interesting, active and stable. But he NEVER compliments me and doesn't like to talk except about superficial things.

I don't expect everything from one person and he is solidly dependable and helpful. He does all the right things but doesn't say many of the right things.

For those of you who understand this stuff, should I be content with what I have or is this a losing proposition?

When I get zero verbal validation, I become jealous and worry he might not be faithful. I cannot take the chance on that kind of betrayal at my age....... I am pretty cute for my age and men find me attractive. Why wouldn't the guy I'm dating ever say anything nice to me about how I look?

posted November 20, 2007 05:30 PM         

Do you have anymore information regarding his birth besides his sun sign?
I ask ..well, because, it does not seem to be the norm for a fire signed sort to ignore verbal interaction in the form of compliments or inspiraional advice, LOL!

Most specifically, I'm curious about his ascendant and mercury?

Now here I know this advice may seem obvious, but sometimes the obvious does get overlooked:
Have you tried just asking him? Being honest about how you feel and asking him if there is a reason why he's being so frugal with his verbal compliments? Or have you tried just telling him? Like you know it makes me feel all warm inside as well as secure about our relationship when you verbally validate us. Complimenting me makes me feel sexier, more confident, etc.?

posted November 20, 2007 06:38 PM         

All I know now is that this guy was born April 14. As for asking, on our 5th date I asked him how he thought it was going so far. He turned the question back to me. So I told him I was enjoying his company & that I found him smart, fun and good company. He didn't reciprocate at all, but he is very eager to keep dating me.

I don't like to fish for compliments but he wants to get physical and I'm not really feeling it under the circumstances.

posted November 20, 2007 07:38 PM         

My guess is that he is simply not used to giving compliments, and is simply confident that things are going well since you continue seeing one another. I would also guess that you are going to have to train him if you expect certain behavior out of him. Cardinal sign men [of which I am one] are used to primarily doing everything for themselves. They don't need validation, so they don't think you require it either. It might never cross his mind to articulate things that he none-the-less appreciates.

posted November 21, 2007 05:33 PM         

I guess I'll play the devil's advocate in this thread.

10 out of 10 times in my experience, when you first start dating someone and you're unsure about some things that are important to you right off the bat...it's best to find someone that you're more compatible with.

You might be able to "train him" to do the things that you like, but soon you'll find that when you know that's the reason that he's doing them...and they're not genuine or from the heart...it will leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled.

On the other hand, if you are thrilled with who he is as a person...and it's a minor change that you can ask him for...that's a different story.

Whether he's a good egg with rusty romance skills that you can polish, or a bad egg with rusty skills that you can polish, only you can determine. I'd find that out before you jump in though.

posted November 22, 2007 12:43 AM         

And, like yourfriendinspirit, I'm big on honesty.
I would just tell him about this concern you are having,
and see where it goes from there.

But, then,
when I hear you say this:

quote:

---

When I get zero verbal validation, I become jealous and worry he might not be faithful. I cannot take the chance on that kind of betrayal at my age.

---

I feel like you answered your own question,
and he is just not the right one.

I get the feeling you have learned about your needs
through time and hard-won experience,
and this is maybe a situation of trusting what you've learned.

But I'd still try being honest with him.

Sorry, I'm probably confusing you more, lol.

Also, talking about only superficial stuff -
thats a deal-breaker for me, as a Scorpio.
But, then, I'm not the one dating the guy,
and, anyway, penises are a deal-breaker for me
(yeah, I like girls), so...

Good luck.
You seem very nice.

hsc

posted November 22, 2007 12:59 PM         

re: ** All I know now is that this guy was born April 14. **
.. what year ???

btw: if you go to astro.com and input birth details in the free horoscope section ..
then go to 'astro clik portrait' ..
( if birthtime is unknown .. the enter 12 noon .. and ignore .. 'house' data .. and data concerning the 'moon )
the site will generate a chart and it allows you to clik on parts of the chart ..
that action will show the relevant interpretation in a separate window ..
most of the interpretations will have input by two astrologers ..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
one **example** below regarding a ~ venus opposite neptune ~ aspect
.. ( which will apply if he was born in 1953 )
i.e. if 1953 he will have venus conjuct sun ..
and those two are opposite a saturn conjunction with neptune ..
and btw .. mars square to pluto
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Interpretation by Robert Hand from "Youth Portrait", which is also an interesting read for grown-ups.**

~ Venus Opposition Neptune ~ aspect

The greatest problem of this aspect is that you tend to project what you want to see onto people instead of seeing them as they really are. Consequently you may feel that people are always letting you down. But if you can learn to accept the truth about people, you will eventually discover something as beautiful as your fancies. If you decide to deal with the real world, you are capable of being very sensitive and loving.
Often this aspect means that you feel unworthy in relationships. You may feel that your loved one is better than you are or that you should be very sacrificing to those you love. You must learn to stand up for your rights to others.
In some cases this aspect can mean that it is very difficult for you to express love and affection.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Interpretation by Robert Pelletier**

~ Venus Opposition Neptune ~ aspect

With Venus opposition Neptune you have a boundless and sometimes dangerous imagination. You imagine qualities in others that they can not possibly come up to. Once someone deceives you, your trust will be difficult to regain.
You have artistic leanings and should try to become involved in artistic pursuits. Be honest with yourself in evaluating your talents.
In your profession, do not expose yourself; let someone else be your spokesman.
Your suspicious nature is strongly evident in your personal and romantic attachments. Here you are your own worst enemy. In close dealings with others, you often suspect dishonesty, which causes them to erect protective defenses. You must come clean in discussing problems that arise between you and your partner.