posted November 29, 2007 02:04 PM         

As far as my career, life path, etc. goes, I've been planting seeds steadily and setting a lot of goals. I think I'm headed in the right direction, I just need to put my Cap head down and charge the mountain. It's just going to take some patience and perserverance, but I'm ok with that.

What's totally screwed up is my love life (as usual, Scorp venus). I've been seeing a Pisces-Virgo guy for about 6 months now. He's a good guy...intelligent, strong work ethic, and very understanding...but it seems like something is missing.

We both work a lot and don't have much time together, and that's a problem. But also, he's very undemonstrative in how he feels about me. He's incredibly un-romantic. I don't mean flowers and teddy bears either...I just mean that every now and then it might be nice to hear that I'm important/special to him, or that he feels incredibly happy to even have me in his life. I never hear anything of the sort. Most of our conversations revolve around the woes and troubles of our daily lives. Grant it, it is nice to have someone to talk to openly about things...but it rarely lifts my spirits. He's also on the insecure side, and it's starting to effect the way I feel about him. My first boyfriend, a Cancer-Gem was a lot like this. Back then, I ended all my friendships of the opposite sex because he was so jealous. When we broke up I told myself that I'd never do that again. I hate lies, and I hate feeling like I have to LIE in order to keep the peace. Last night I went to dinner with a male friend who's been having some marital trouble and just wanted to talk. We've been friends for nearly 10 years, and have NEVER been intimate or anything close to it. I couldn't tell the Pisces that I had seen him, because although he wouldn't tell me that I couldn't or shouldn't see him anymore, I knew he'd make subtle but cutting comments to make me feel guilty about it. I don't like where this is going.

Our life goals and ambitions are also different. It's important for me to plan for the future, and have things in order. He's just happy to be able to pay his bills right now. He doesn't care if his house is a wreck and uses the, "I don't have time" excuse. However, he also refuses to let me help him with anything. I just feel like I'm going in circles, and I've been having serious doubts about the relationship for weeks now...

I'm still fairly close with two of my ex's...the Gem and the Taurus. Neither of which is a threat to the Pisces, although he sees it differently, which I understand. The sad thing is, that when I have phone conversations with them, I feel better than when I talk to my actual boyfriend and that's troubling. My Taurus ex invited me to spend a weekend in NY this month, which I couldn't do for multiple reasons, but it did make me wonder exactly what I'm sacrificing for this relationship and whether or not any of it is worth it.

My third, and current big problem is another Pisces...the one I dated briefly last fall. The relationship was short lived due to our circumstances, but it was extremely powerful and intense. We've talked a couple of times since, but to be honest I think about him often and even have occasional dreams about him. He bought me a plane ticket to go see him in Chicago back in May but I turned him down and have regretted it since. I sent him an email just wishing him a happy Thanksgiving, and his response almost brought tears to my eyes. Just seeing his name in my inbox makes my heart beat faster. He said my email couldn't have come at a better time and told me that he missed my sweetness...wit...and understanding, and has ever since he left town almost a year ago.

Those little things are what I need to hear! THAT'S what's missing in my current relationship. I'm an extremely faithful person, and I have never, and would never cheat on ANYONE, but my heart and my feelings are really considering giving the Chicago Pisces another shot. But that won't happen unless I end the relationship I'm in now...I just don't know if that's the right thing to do.

I'm incredibly confused...I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what in the world that is...

posted December 01, 2007 03:22 PM         

Tell him to hit the road jack