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Author
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Topic: Is it possible to remain "just" friends?
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Charlotte
Knowflake Posts: 1379
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted May 09, 2008 10:30 PM
 
Is it realistic to think "just friends" will work out, if you have had romantic feelings for each other?
I usually only post my poetry in the FYWATA but, thought I would post some of the relevant ones here.
My heart lies shattered and seeks to redeem That freshly tilled garden of soulful dreams Shards and slivers of it there in the soil Flooded with tears, roots torn from earth to spoil
You came on strong, like a wild fiery wind
Hot and caressing words that scorched my skin I gave freely with no expectations Sating desire with sweet affirmations
Smoothing creases from your complexity
Emotions raw with pure perplexity I thought it was I, I guess it was you Insecurities blinded me from truth
Love unconditional, it’s just my way
Luminescent heat, here in my cache I could wield words and wound as I have been No, not with words, but with actions therein
To forgive, I know that it is divine
Therefore, I have, it’s there in my design Just friends, is that how this story will be? Don’t You know you’ve lost all, if you lose me?
©Charlotte Rose Hamby
IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 2036
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted May 09, 2008 11:21 PM
In my experience no,Unless both individuals are very emotionally mature and both individuals want the same: friendship. IP: Logged |
Isis
Knowflake Posts: 1945
From: CA
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted May 09, 2008 11:40 PM
In my exp...yes. Lol But it usually takes time and of course depends on the people involved and whether either feels bitter or 'screwed over' in some way as a result of things not working out.IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 1278
From:
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted May 10, 2008 01:00 AM
And I'll break the tie by saying, in my experience, no.I think it depends on how deep the romantic feelings are though. If it's simply lust, that'll pass & even if the sexual attraction comes back from time to time, the lusting party could still be satisfied with a platonic friendship. I think it also depends on how true the romantic feelings are. If the adoring party is in love mostly with their fantasy of the other person, as they get to know their friend better, their romantic feelings will fade and be replaced with the type of love they have for who their friend really is, and that type of love may be platonic or may not even be love at all if they realize they don't even actually like the person. But if the romantic feelings are deep (not just sexual) and real (for who the person really is), then no, I don't think the loving party will ever be happy with just being friends. And the reason why is in your (beautiful) poem: "My heart lies shattered and seeks to redeem That freshly tilled garden of soulful dreams" The one in love will always be dreaming and hoping for their love to be returned, on their terms. As hard as it may be to do, I think once someone has ulterior motives for their friendship, once s/he has realized that they're in love with their friend and wants that person to love them back, the wise choice is to immediately let the friendship go or try to get it to the next level. Staying on as a "friend" and saying nothing about their true feelings only hurts the one in love and deceives the other person who values and loves the friendship. IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 1278
From:
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted May 10, 2008 01:09 AM
Drr, reread your post and realized I may have misinterpreted. Do you mean when two people have been involved romantically, is it then possible for them to be friends after breaking up? If that's what you mean, then, in my experience  , yes. But only if the desire to be friends is genuine and both people truly don't want more. Over time, one or both may fall in love again, and at that point, see my above post. Let go. IP: Logged |
Charlotte
Knowflake Posts: 1379
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted May 10, 2008 06:08 AM
Jane, Thank You!
Yes, I meant if you both have had romantic feelings, but what you said in your first post truly makes sense.
Great advice!
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Charlotte
Knowflake Posts: 1379
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted May 10, 2008 06:10 AM
hippychick, I agree that maturity is a necessity...Isis,
That screwed over part is the deal breaker isn't it?
I do agree that it does take time...
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Meduza
Knowflake Posts: 74
From:
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted May 10, 2008 03:28 PM
It's difficult, but possible, unless the whole friendship route is an excuse, a cover-up for the inability / unwillingness to let go. IP: Logged |
lechien
Knowflake Posts: 180
From: Germany
Registered: Apr 2008
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posted May 10, 2008 05:47 PM
Charlotte, i really like your poem...  oh and, i think it's very possible to become just friends. my experience. IP: Logged |
indyBee
Knowflake Posts: 45
From: Brooklyn, New York
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted May 10, 2008 05:50 PM
i feel if you leave the situation be with no bitterness, hatred but with love and an open mind, then the beauty of friendship will work out  IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 4628
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted May 10, 2008 05:54 PM
Beautiful poem.As for the question....I don't know. But it can be tough sometimes. I suppose it would depend on each situation, the feelings and minds of those involved, etc. Ultimately, we are in control of our own minds, aren't we? Once we have the skills.
Which are probably infinite in number. IP: Logged |
Charlotte
Knowflake Posts: 1379
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted May 11, 2008 08:02 AM
Meduza, very good point!
lechien Thank You!
indyBee, That is the outcome that I'm praying for... Thank You! :-) LTT, 
Thank You! and yes, I guess the truth is we can only control our action/reaction...
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Lindaland
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