posted May 24, 2008 04:53 PM         

Perhaps instead of seeing these new men as individuals, you're projecting upon ALL the men you meet the hurt you still feel from past unhappy relationships (or events).

Do you know what it is that you need to let go of in order to heal?? Who, or what, do you need to forgive??

Love,
Z

posted May 24, 2008 05:44 PM         

Well, having gone through the ringer this year in terms of personal healing (I'm a psychotherapy student) I would say that we tend to repeat (aspects of) the same relationship with a different person over and over again until we heal and/or transform. If you have not yet discovered what the root of your pain is then you will likely remain in this state.

There are so many ways to get to the root of this problem but no one surefire way since we all respond to different techniques and healing modalities. One thing you can try is to attempt to connect to your inner child:

Inner Child Dialogue: Getting to know your inner child is often helpful since this is a part of ourselves that most of us learn to ignore as we mature into adults. But our inner child does not forget us and it sounds like yours is angry. Even if you find this excercise silly or pointless, try it anyhow. It can be sooo helpful.

With your dominant hand, write a question to your inner child. Then switch the pen into your other hand and write an answer. Each answer will likely provoke another question, so continue doing this until you feel you have released some stuff. Don't think about your answer at all, just try to write from within/the subconscious/etc. Also, it helps to do this with a crayon, or marker or pencil crayon since those are the tools children often use.

People are often amazed at what comes up for them.

This is one way of accessing whatever pain is in there. Of course there are so many, but it's a start.

Hope it helps

posted May 24, 2008 06:40 PM         

I recently went throught the same thing.

Zala is correct in that you have to realize that men are individuals and not all the same. Having said that, I have found that men, in general, have certain behavior patterns that are specific to the gender.

What I finally realized is that I had to adjust my expectations from men. I just wrote a blog on my myspace about how we are so societally programmed to expect romantic/intimate/sexual encounters when meetings of the opposite sex occur (given ofcourse we are talking heterosexual relations.) I expect nothing anymore than an "interaction" a meeting of two individuals. If it grows into more, so be it, but I do not expect this as I used to.

Funny, right after I made this realization to myself a wonderful man came into my life. Funny thing is tho, HE is the one wanting more, not me, and I am so, so proud of myself for not jumping in like I have always done.

Love

I like the inner child thought. I know all of my issues in life come from my childhood so I decided to re-raise me. I got out this portrait of me when I was about 5, hung it on my bedroom wall, and every morning when I got up I told myself good morning, I praised "me" and told me all the positive things my mother never did.

posted May 24, 2008 07:55 PM         

quote:

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I desire whats best for me now but I cant figure out why.

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posted May 25, 2008 11:41 AM         

Saturn in Virgo... Is the entire earth not going through this too, or is mine different because it is transiting my 11th House and in the house where my Venus and Sun reside?

added: Just thinking about the changes I could make, they all involve being vulnerable and doing frightening things like letting go of past hurts... well, that's exactly what I need to do, but Zala, you know what I have been through and I don't know if it is safe to let go of my fears.

Does that make sense?

I dunno. I decided to see a psychiatrist. Maybe s/he could help me dig further down my sub-conscious. Actually i don't know...

I have so many barriers.

I do not trust people.
I am afraid of people...
but, not without reason because I haven't always been like this.

posted May 25, 2008 01:35 PM         

quote:

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Saturn in Virgo... Is the entire earth not going through this too

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posted May 25, 2008 04:51 PM         

Changing the stuff on the surface is really just a band-aid solution, unfortunately. It seems as though you may possibly be stuck within the victim archetype right now...to help yourself out of it, try to remember that that's all it is - an archetype. By staying there, you end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to ask yourself why you have chosen this as a defense mechanism...or better yet, ask that of your inner child and when you get an answer, listen

I know how tough it is to be stuck where you are right now. It's like being in quicksand because the more you struggle, the more frightening and overwhelming it becomes and you can feel paralyzed.

posted May 26, 2008 03:19 PM         

I feel that our intuition can lead us to the right person.