Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted May 27, 2008 05:37 PM         

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This has been going on for a couple of weeks, and I really need to vent!!

My Pisces fiance has a Leo ex that is so annoyingly DESPERATE. I dont know what she will come up with next! She found out that I am expecting his child and first, she made such a big stink out of it, saying that her son (they have a 5 year old son together) CANNOT know about his baby brother (my child) and all hell will break loose if he did. So, for peace sake's and for the sake that my Pisces fiance can see his son, I couldn't be around them, me being pregnant and all. That only lasted for 2 weeks, and finally my fiance told his son about his baby brother and she went crazy on him. When she found out about it, the crazy b!tch text messaged me all these annoying messages, really disturbing and very very immature. Now, she is appealing to my fiance that she is SUICIDAL. I know being suicidal is no joke, but please....I feel like this is the last resort she has so she can garner more of my fiance's attention. It's so pathetic I want to sit her down and tell her how desperate and disgustingly annoying she is being. What should I do? I know my Pisces fiance does not have any feelings for her anymore, but she bothers me! She even got her son to tell me "My mom hates you"...She said this to a 5 year old! She continually uses her son to manipulate my fiance because she knows his weak point is his own flesh and blood.

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Posts: 81
From: Frederick, MD
Registered: Mar 2008

posted May 27, 2008 06:14 PM         

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I think this is up to your fiance to deal with. What has his response (or lack of it?) or what actions has he taken to take care of this?

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Posts: 81
From: Frederick, MD
Registered: Mar 2008

posted May 27, 2008 06:16 PM         

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I ask about your fiance because I can't think of one thing that you could do that wouldn't only add fuel to the fire.. I really think he should be taking actions to put a stop to this.

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted May 27, 2008 06:21 PM         

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He hasn't really done anything in regards to it, except to give her money because she is going through troubled times. This doesnt bother me as much, since it's by law that he gives her child support anyways. He is too nice and as I said, easily manipulated when it comes to his son because he loves him so much. He just lets it go for the sake of peace, but I am beginning to resent him because to me I feel he is being weak by not saying or doing anything.

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Posts: 3902
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted May 27, 2008 06:27 PM         

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How long were they together and how long had she been his ex before he started seeing you? How old is she? Were they married? I am asking all of this because if they were together and had a child and he has been broke up with her for 2 years or more, then obviously the suicidal thing would be a lie and a manipulation. If it's been less than 2 years since they "broke up" then that means they were together for at least 4 years and have a child, so then it wouldn't be so cut and dry.

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Posts: 81
From: Frederick, MD
Registered: Mar 2008

posted May 27, 2008 06:31 PM         

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I wonder if your fiance understands how quickly this situation can turn really ugly. (you beginning to resent the situation, him..) Maybe help him understand how this effects you and also his child as well as your unborn child in a negative way? How not dealing with a problem only makes it worse? (BIG point there) How he is enabling her by not standing up to her? I've been a similar situation.. Like I said similar, not exactly the same, but it was the ex coming around and causing problems.

I'm new at astrology but I wonder if you post his chart, could anyone point out any details that would help you understand where he is, where his head is at (although you already know, but for me, reading a report somehow brings clarity..it might for you too).. If you know where his head is at, maybe you know what to do next, how to get thru to him. Because, only my personal opinion of course, this is his responsibilty and he's the only one who's actions can make a change for the better. He's allowing her to do it and by allowing it- brushing it under the rug because he doesn't want controversy, doesn't want to stand up- but anyways by allowing it he's telling her its ok!

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted May 27, 2008 06:34 PM         

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They were together very on/off for 8 years (i guess you could say they've KNOWN each other for 8 years). They didn't even really live together either, they tried but it didn't work out, it only lasted for a couple of months. They've been broken up for more than 2 years now. She's 31 years old and no, they were never married.

It's so obvious to anyone who has a brain that it is a manipulation. But the problem with her is that she keeps pulling the kid card so that my fiance will feel sorry for her.

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted May 27, 2008 06:44 PM         

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elabelle,
I know exactly how this can all turn out, but I can't get him to understand because sometimes he is so selfish...which is surprising coming from a Pisces. I think he thinks that I can't possibly understand or comprehend what he must be going through and it's very hard to get through to him. He would rather run away and hide under the covers than face the desperate ex of his. I have a feeling that he is scared to stand up to her because if he does, then he won't be able to get to see his son at all. And being me, I am so turned off and digusted by his weakness that I am beginning to resent him. I know it's his responsibility to deal with it, but it irritates me because what if he gets too involved that he doesn't know his boundaries anymore?

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Posts: 81
From: Frederick, MD
Registered: Mar 2008

posted May 27, 2008 06:48 PM         

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Seven,
Have you pulled his chart? Gotten a reading off of astro.com or chaosastrology.com?

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted May 27, 2008 06:59 PM         

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Posts: 3902
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted May 27, 2008 07:47 PM         

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I guess the laws are different in some states but in Illinois you would have to pretty much be an ax murderer to not see your child. My ex is violent and has a violent criminal history and I have had to fight in court for 5 years to keep his visits supervised. He also rarely shows up (except to court to try to fight to have her alone) and has paid no child support in almost 2 years and hardly any support in the years before that. Most fathers, who don't have full or joint custody and see their children even more, still see their child one week night and every other weekend.

BUT, it sounds like a terribly messy situation with them. Like he has never been willing or able to get away from her. This could be a very upsetting situation for you during a pregnancy. There are no easy answers and this will probably sound outrageous to you, but it might be to your benefit to try to understand her feelings and attempt to create a friendship with her to ease her mind and get her to see you as another person with feelings. This could be easier said than done with a Leo, but she probably has some similar qualities to you or he wouldn't have ever liked her. You might find some things to like. I mean, I could say, yeah, she's a witch and burn her but I don't want you to feel more upset and angry. I want you to find peace. And I have no idea what to say to help. Just fumbling.
Maybe you can pray for clarity and pray for the wisdom to handle the situation properly?

God bless you and your baby. I really hope you feel better. For the record, I also agree that it is his responsibility to set the boundaries in this situation. It is HIS ex. I just don't think that anything from you short of leaving him will get him to man up where he hasn't for almost a decade. Even leaving him probably won't do it. I just don't want you to upset yourself over something you can't change. If you feel better getting away from the drama then do it. But you would probably miss him. Wish I knew how to help.
Take care. Glad you got to vent.
~m

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted May 28, 2008 03:41 PM         

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I am here in Arizona (used to live in Georgia), you have to have some sort of domestic trouble with the father before courts can legally say that he cannot see his children. Child support is not mandatory, not as far as I know, except in marriage and they were never married.
Yes, that is what it seems to me...the fact that he may NEVER be able to get away from her grasp. I try not to be upset about it but it's hard. I'm due next month and in no way do I want this baby to come out any earlier than it needs to. I guess I could understand what she could be going through, even if I have never been in a situation wherein I wanted attention so bad I will pull it out from my ex and his pregnant girlfriend. Friendship would be a long run with the both of us, she has hated me since the day she found out her ex was seeing me. What else can I really do except nothing...you're right, it's HIS issue and making him feel bad for it will only make it worse. I can't control it either, so making saracastic comments and little nasty remarks won't help the situation.

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Posts: 3902
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted May 28, 2008 05:58 PM         

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I can tell how mature you are from those last comments so I think everything will eventually work out. This lady is the mom of your boy's big brother! You'll eventually want things to be reasonable (and they will be when she calms down and drops the drama some) so the kids can love each other and enjoy each other. If I had a wand that changed the past I'd let you borrow it, but hey, that reminds me that most people don't want to change their past even if they could once they have perspective. You might just have a built in babysitter in the mom and a summer tent buddy for your son who you don't have raise full time. Bonus.

The end of pregnancy is HARD. I totally want to give you this book: http://search.ebay.com/Vicki-Iovine_W0QQfrppZ50QQfsopZ1QQmaxrecordsreturnedZ300

I know you are almost due but you will still love this book. It is funny and a super easy read, it will relax you and let you know you are not alone. It is like having a funny best friend to talk to you about everything you are feeling and experiencing.

You can also get the Girlfriend's Guide to the first year, the G.G. to toddler years etc (they even have the G.G. to Parties and Playdates) if you choose want to read more, but I still recommend the one I linked you to above, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth. I got one at the thrift store for 88 cents to give to my cousin last week, so if you have a thrift store in your area you can always check that out for the other titles as well, if you want to save money. It was a very popular book and there are a lot of copies around.

I really hope you feel better. I bet your guy does too. Guy always say they can't read women's minds and they like it when women ask them for specific things they can do to support them. I think you should make a list of things that would help you feel better and then give it to him and ask him if he would take care of you for a night. You can put a list of movie titles you would like to see or would like to see again from old movies, and you could put a dinner you want him to pick up and heat up and ask for a massage and hot cocoa or a box of chocolates. k? Just ask him if he would do it one day this week that is good for him and make sure to let him know how much you like everything while he is doing it and after. It will make you both feel better. The only thing you have to do is try really hard not to get grumpy and remember to be appreciative. It's hard with all of those hormones and the lack of sleep and back pain, but if you give him a chance he might be able to show you that he really is on your side and really does want you feel better. He just needs some concrete way to make it happen. Give him a list.
And make the first item to get you that book!!! :^D hehe
Everything will be ok eventually. The only thing you can control is how you react and how you behave. Stay strong, classy, and kind.
(Oh, and limit yourself to only one 'visualization of you telling her exactly what you think of her behavior' per week!) lol

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Posts: 1077
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006

posted May 29, 2008 06:31 AM         

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Sounds like maybe the fiancee should call her bluff. She's a drama queen and he needs to nip her in the bud before she sets her sights on the oscar

I constantly call my ex's bluff and he does a similar trick to this woman. Just start using "whatever" in daily vocabulary and chill out.

Good luck!

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted June 03, 2008 05:49 PM         

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Mystic,
thanks for your advice and your blessings!
Everything has been going quite smoothly between me and my Pisces, his ex has not been calling all the time these past 2 weeks. I am just hoping and praying that everything does work out. I have a very bad temper when it comes to things such as these plus my erratic pregnant hormones, that it would be a shame to waste it all away over someone who is desperate and looking for attention. I don't want to keep on fighting with my fiance over his ex, he already knows what I feel and what I think about the whole thing, so hopefully things will work out fine. He has been very attentive and very supportive of me, most especially these past weeks and I appreciate that about him.
I'm still trying to find that book! I can't find it anywhere...maybe I am looking at the wrong places?

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Posts: 226
From: UK
Registered: Dec 2006

posted June 04, 2008 07:43 AM         

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Seveneightorange,

I am glad that everything is starting to work out for the better. And I completely sympathise. You are not alone.
A good friend of mine is going through a similarly crappy dilemna with a Leo ex of his. To cut a long story short, she had his baby when he had made clear he didnt want to be a father.

The worrying thing is, and I dare not mention this to my friend, is that I think she planned to fall pregnant with his baby. I say this because when they started seeing each other, she told me that being 34 (my friend is 27), she's starting to think more seriously about having a family but my friend was quite clear that he didnt want to! And next thing you know, she is up the duff! After having the baby, she decided she is never going to forgive my friend for not wanting to be with her and he will forever have to pay.

This has taken shape in the form of her calling him at all hours of the day, berating him for enjoying his life whilst she is stuck with the baby; despite her never having worked (she always sold drugs for a living!) she gets a free house and a lot of money from the British welfare system towards taking care of her child yet shes forced my friend to pay her child support. This is despite the fact that the baby is in her name, so she gets all the benefits, and my friend gets nothing.

At the moment he is living in a crappy house, because he wants to be near his daughter, and the area they live in is too expensive for him to get something decent with the money he has left over. He is all of 6"7, very tall and is living in a box.

My friend has a very timid nature (Virgo Sun, Libra moon, with a whole load of caution, guilt and other neurosis thrown in for good measure), was a very late bloomer (this lady was probably the 2nd person he's ever been with), I understand that he is responsible for how she treats him, but it is so extremely difficult when she uses the child as collateral. It is so hard and I feel sorry for him because unless she gets a major dose of compassion he is going to have to deal with her for another 16 years until his daughter's 18!

The difficult thing is standing outside and looking in and realising what is happening and what needs to be done, but being powerless to do anything about it because, in my case anyways, it isnt any of my business.

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Posts: 349
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005

posted June 04, 2008 01:03 PM         

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Dew,
Whatever your friend is going through sounds awful! I know so many women (you are from the UK right? I assume that crazy women won't change no matter where they are living) that will deliberately get pregnant to lockdown a man. It's so sad. Although I've seen men do the same, impregnate a woman just so they will be around no matter what the circumstances are even if they are not together anymore - just for the simple fact that they want them around and forever they will be there.
How old is his daughter? All I say is, his ex will get a lot of bad karma coming her way. You always here these horror stories about men being horrible providers, bad fathers and deadbeats who don't pay child support while all the while it's the baby moms who spin the stories to their advantage. True, there are some that are like this; but there are some that are truly stuck in their position and try the hardest that they can to do what's right for their kid/s.
That's why I vow to myself that if ever things don't turn right with my fiance...I will try my very best not to use our child as an object to manipulate each other. I know people get bitter after break-ups, what's more when your ex has found someone else - but I really believe that people can rise above that influence and revenge and not drag the kid into it and make their lives confusing.

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Posts: 226
From: UK
Registered: Dec 2006

posted June 05, 2008 09:18 AM         

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Hey Seven,

His daughter is 2. And she is beautiful, lovely and a delight to be with.
And yes, I hope she does get whatever Karma is due to her. I mean, I dont believe she is evil...I dont think anyone is... but she could stand to think about others once in a while.

In a way I think this is my friend's Karma too. He has always being so cautious of the world, so afraid of doing anything wrong, and somewhat timid and self-protecting. I remember once he came to stay with me for a night, when I lived in Brighton, and we went for a walk along the beach, and just sat chilled and talked. It was nice. Then he opened his back to get out a camera and he had taken along 2 extra pairs of socks with him! 2 extra pairs of socks!! I just laughed my head off And he started laughing too, wondering out loud 'Who does that?!'
Its a silly example, but it sums up how he is.
So I think having a daughter has forced him out of his shell a lot, and made him ponder on what it was that he had with regards to freedom to choose. What I ultimately hope for him is that it makes him seize the day and bend the world to his will for once.

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