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Author Topic:   Still confused..
alma_pisces
Knowflake

Posts: 287
From: bottom of the ocean
Registered: Sep 2004

posted June 24, 2008 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for alma_pisces     Edit/Delete Message
Awhile back I started a similar topic about me being attracted to another guy other than my husband, well nothing ended up happening with that guy and my crush simply went away. But than after that I developed a crush on another guy and than after him another guy. Nothing has ever happened with any of these people but after so many strong crushes I started to ask myself maybe there is something wrong with my relationship that I have not been able to identify.

I seriously do not know what to do I feel like I am going to go insane. I have become very depressed in the last couple of weeks and I can barely eat or sleep because my mind keeps asking too many questions. I will look at my husband and not feel love for him and I really wish that I did , it is hurting me so much because the last thing I want to do is hurt him in any way.

I am starting to feel as if marriage is just a huge mistake. Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am just confused. I really need you guys right now because this is killing me and I am afraid that the depression is getting worse. Do I leave? Do I take a break? Do I go to counselling?

We have no children so I would like to resolve these issues now before we bring kids into the world and end up hurting them. I have so many questions running through my mind. Have I fallen out of love? Did I love him in the first place? I just want to scream and I really needed to vent and I really need others help!!

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Jugular
Knowflake

Posts: 116
From: New York, NY, USA
Registered: Jan 2008

posted June 25, 2008 06:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jugular     Edit/Delete Message
Alma, you may have gotten no responses so far because your post has no astrology related issues. Either way, you are in distress about your marriage. Which needs to be addressed definitely before you have kids. Because it's such a personal thing, nobody here can (or should) tell you to leave the marriage. But it's clear in my mind that if you're having these strong crushes multiple times, there is something you're not getting from your husband that you are craving. Don't drive yourself crazy with guilt. We all make choices that don't exactly pan out down the line.

I'm in sort of a similar situation, but will not act on it because (a) I have a lovely young son who adores his Daddy and needs Daddy in his life and (b) I really don't want to hurt my husband, who is a wonderful person, just clueless as to how his unending misery (double Capricorn, Cancer moon) is affecting me. For the past six years he has woken up every single morning and made sad clown faces at me and launched into his tirade about how life is too hard and work is too much and maybe we'd all be better off if he were to die. Me being a person who is attracted to strong men, this kind of stuff from my husband just really put a kaibosh on the attraction. I work on tuning him out these days.

The (also married) person I have had a "crush" on (one might call it total obsession) may very well be a soulmate, according to the astrology and two readers, one being Steve Gunn who read me last week. Steve said to me "your karmic learning with your husband is finished". Plain and simple. He also disagreed that I should stay in the marriage for the sake of the child, but that's a different issue. My own father (who passed away two years ago) told me in no uncertain terms (through a medium) that I should stay with my husband at least until the child is 6 or 7, and then if nothing changes, leave.

I gave you my example so you will see you're not alone. Women and men all over are struggling with their marriages. Don't beat yourself up over it. Do whatever you need to do to figure it out, whether it's a reader, a psych or talking to your husband frankly.

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Meduza
Knowflake

Posts: 118
From:
Registered: Feb 2008

posted June 25, 2008 02:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Meduza     Edit/Delete Message
I can completely relate. Yes, these crushes, I think, are symptomatic of something missing...

I am trying to make a decision, and am currently reading an e-book (that way i can read it privately online). It's expensive, but well worth it.

I don't mean to sound as if I am pushing the book. It's called “A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”.

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blue moon
Moderator

Posts: 2141
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted July 01, 2008 06:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
You just sound normal to me. The 'net is full of married women fantasising about their crushes without shame. As just one example. There are whole forums dedicated to jobbing actors and some of the contents would make Madonna blush. (Mrs Ritchie, not the Holy Mother.)

I don't know, maybe you read the stuff on here about twin souls and soul mates and think your relationship is sadly lacking. I confess I skim over anything with those key words in. Juliet never got to having to wash Romeo's underpants and tell him to stop snoring, did she?

If you are feeling depressed and churning over questions in your mind all the time it is going to be hard to look at your husband and feel contented love. But only you know whether that it is that way around or if the depressed feeling is because you know in your heart you don't really love him and need to let him go and find someone that does.

A similar scenario is working out if you have gone off sex or gone off sex with him ~ not me or you personally, women in general.

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wheelsofcheese
Knowflake

Posts: 702
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008

posted July 02, 2008 11:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheelsofcheese     Edit/Delete Message
"I confess I skim over anything with those key words in. Juliet never got to having to wash Romeo's underpants and tell him to stop snoring, did she?"

I love how 'real' you are BM. Very true. Also very funny.

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Meduza
Knowflake

Posts: 118
From:
Registered: Feb 2008

posted July 02, 2008 12:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Meduza     Edit/Delete Message
blue moon, these are some great points!

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alma_pisces
Knowflake

Posts: 287
From: bottom of the ocean
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 09, 2008 11:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for alma_pisces     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks everyone! Everything you have said makes alot of sense. Well I have had time to think things through and realized that this relationship has what it takes to work.

I do get depression now and than and I think that affects the way I feel about alot of things in my life. Sometimes I get that way about work, where I wish I didn't have to work anymore, sometimes its me wanting to be isolated from my family and friends, and sometimes it affects my marriage.

I do appreciate all of your opinions! Thank you.

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cancerrg
Knowflake

Posts: 2761
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted July 09, 2008 01:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message
there are two ways to love , thats the basic differnece between love marriage and arranged marriage .

the first one , you love the person and marry .
the second one, you marry and start loving .

both have its pros and cons ...... none is perfect .

but the beauty of a arranged marriage is , your selflessness ........ you accept the person with flaws but still love him/her to devote all your life .

my reason for going into all this , i just want you to realise .... there is nothing perfect in this world but we are always searching for a soulmate- in other words a perfect . isn't it ?

i know if i was at your place i would have been as confused and depressed as you are .

i would suggest , give time to your relation , this might be a temporary phase , you are still quite young so its nothing new . i believe this happens with a quite a lot of people .
i am saying this bcos i am at a similar age .

btw, whatz your husband's sign?

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