posted June 30, 2008 08:42 AM            

Then this happens, and he told me she was a model, the next thing out of his mouth. Like he was rubbing it in. My dream came back to me at the point and I lost it.

posted June 30, 2008 12:49 PM            

If you prefer the pain of having him in your life to the pain of doing without him then go ahead...invite him in.

But do not kid yourself that you will ever be just friends. You know it and I know it, that's the last thing you want (why do we always bull**** ourselves?)
Fantastic friends indeed. You'd HATE that.

As I suspect, you hope that he will live with you, realise how great you are and forsake all other women? Be honest. That is what you are hoping is it not?
Ask yourself truthfully do you see it happening or is it wishful thinking?

If you want him that bad turn the situation around. Tell him that you are wild about him, but that his suggestion of moving in with you is plain ridiculous and if he ever brought another woman to your house you would probably chin her.
And then with a diva like flourish tell him to leave, take his glowing blond locks and never bother you again.
Point out that there are 9 million other rooms he can rent but none of them are yours.

I suspect this guy quite enjoys the power he wields over you (well let's be honest don't we all secretly?)and the thought of jerking your chain on quiet evenings "chez nous" would be amusing.
Therefore it would be in your best interests to divest him of that notion pretty damn quick.
So quit weeping and vomiting and take control.
Either that or resign yourself to being miserable.
But be honest with yourself. You do not want to be sitting with him circling programmes you like to watch in the tv guide, knowing tomorrow night he will be romancing someone else.
That's the reality.
But I thinks he likes you....more than he admits.
Trust me there is no pleasure in tormenting someone we care nothing for.
If you want to keep him throw him out on the street!

posted July 01, 2008 12:08 AM              

Read these all a few times over.

Strength and love to you.

posted July 01, 2008 12:39 AM            

quote:

---

you hope that he will live with you, realise how great you are and forsake all other women?

---

yess... ahha.

Not gonna happen is it?

My stepdad said " steph, he was a stepping stone, got your mind off Darren, if you weren't inlove with him, he wouldn't have served his purpose. Both your higher selves agreed to this, its temporary. Let it go... hes' not mature or spiritual enough for you, hes not the one"....

True and true. Ok I get it now! Blah!

A little pain wont kill me... I feel like I am just starting life.
It's lonely living alone though.
Maybe a solution is that I can find a different room mate, a young student or something.

posted July 01, 2008 05:58 AM              

Sun Child,
That sounds like a great! idea...
I know it is cliche' But better to be lonely alone, then with someone!

posted July 01, 2008 11:33 AM            

Of course you still care about him, just because you're not together doesn't mean that you can just switch it off. He's messed you about and you're brave enough to tell it like it is on here. I think consciously or unconsciously he is playing mind games, which is unfair. You are simply more mature than he is and you deserve a strong man who will support you. He is not a support.

It is scary being on your own but take every day at a time, cliched as it is. You're getting up in the morning and still breathing. You are loved by your family and by your littly.

This horrible feeling will pass.

posted July 01, 2008 02:22 PM              

No, a little pain won't kill you, SunChild. It's urging you to grow, reminding you that there is something you are "missing". You know the pain is trying to make you aware of a lesson you have to learn. Is it really lonely being alone, or are you just used to having someone around? And does it become more lonely by focusing on that?

I was thinking that maybe you could visualize yourself down the road a bit (without this guy); maybe with a man that really loves and respects you and that you are truly in love with and that wants the same kind of relationship and lifestyle that you do. Then see yourself looking back on this situation and look at it from a different perspective. How might it look down the road once some time and distance has passed? What advice would you give yourself right now about this situation, if you could?

I too have been in relationships, situations like this, believe it or not. This reminds me of one of my past relationships in particular. Back then, no one couldve convinced me that this guy was not 'the one'. He cared for me - just like I think this guy does for you - but only to the extent that it benefited him? Really truly he cared more for himself. I didnt want to admit it though. I bent over backwards to make him happy and put my needs and life on the back burner. In the long run, I see i needed that experience to help me know what I wanted or needed from a relationship and a whole lot more. During that time, I went through a lot of pain like you are going through and it took me a looong time to get over him, but I have. Time and distance really helped. I see the whole situation from a higher perspective now. I felt a little sorry for and disgusted with myself for awhile, after I finally started to "get over" him, but wouldnt change how it all worked out or wish it happened differently.

I just see the writing on the wall here, Sun. I think you do to, but don't want to admit it yet. I think this guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he truly cared about you and was not only thinking of himself, he would know that moving in with you would be a very bad move. I'm sure he is aware that you care deeply about him. He told you he has a girlfriend and probably knows that brought you some pain. Then he asks to move in with you? It's just not right. He seems self-centered and immature. He's playing games and hasnt grown up yet. If you let him move in, things would only get worse, not better. Like, Zala asked, how will you react when his girlfriend comes by to visit or stay the night?

My advice would be to cut way back on the contact with him, if not cut it off all together and right now. You are dragging out your pain, when I think you do know that this isnt going to work out the way you had hoped. Don't fight that SunChild. I don't think this relationship is meant to "work". There is better waiting out there for you. The more pain you feel, the more it shows you are fighting against some things...
You are out of alignment with your truth. That is painful. I think this experience will eventually bring you closer to it. Through learning the lessons it is bringing and asking you to face up to.

Could you try to look at this from a future perspective? Visualize yourself happier and looking back on this situation and try to listen to what that future self would be saying to you now. It might even make you laugh.

Whatever you do, be gentle on yourself, "forgive" yourself and try to understand and listen to that part of yourself that thinks it needs a man like this. This situation, if faced correctly and with courage, could bring some major breakthrough, a healing and transformation to your being. Make sure you love yourself through it.

You could also look at yourself right now as a little girl who is misunderstanding some things and just wants desperately to be loved (like we all do), but is looking for it in the wrong place. Talk to her and help her grow.

Just some suggestions. You are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best.

posted July 02, 2008 05:56 AM            

Moon, Mars and Venus in Aries
"AND you can just get your sorry ass out my door now before I shove your head through it"

combined with an Aqua Sun
"And don't think I wont be moving on baby!!

posted July 02, 2008 06:08 PM            

Why shouldn't I blow my own trumpet I'm usually right about everything? (Aqua Sun)