posted August 08, 2008 09:14 AM            

After many long, dark, lonely nights lying right next to my darling husband in a twin bed, but miles between us, I think, I think, I hope things are coming around.

For so long there has been this empty place in my chest, where the love for him that lived in my head should have resided. The empty place filled up with anger and resentment and I thought we were truly out of time.

But something changed. Or lots of small somethings... whatever! Whatever happened, things have finally started clicking and falling into place. We're taking it slow, one day at a time, nurturing this new-found, long-hoped-for connection like the fragile wonder that it is. It's (almost) like being in...!

posted August 08, 2008 12:53 PM            

I am so glad for the both of you!!

I hope that happens for me at some point soon... the emptiness is overwhelming me lately. No idea why, still, but I have hope that it will slowly start making sense... some kind of purpose will be found...

..and I haven't even been revisited by Mr. Saturn yet, so I'm scared to bits that this is just the start of more challenges...

..but your thread has shone a light on my confusion, and given me a needed dose of happy thoughts!!

Keep us posted, you big lover you!!

posted August 08, 2008 02:13 PM            

I'm kind of holding my breath-- afraid to breathe and jinx the whole thing, afraid I'll wake up and everything will be back to normal. The smallest thing sways me after all this time and after so many false starts and disappointments. I almost dare not hope, but without hope there is no chance...

Heehee... I'm listening to Pandora and "Let Love In" by the Goo Goo Dolls just came on. Maybe someone is sending a message to you and me to hear????

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

hear me
wanting this world to let you in

posted August 08, 2008 03:03 PM            

I'm so afraid right now for the darkness to return. One day at a time, one day at a time... (it's become my new mantra)

posted August 08, 2008 11:29 PM            

I wander through fiction
To look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
I stood at a distance to feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes

Hold on before it’s too late
Or until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

Now the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you don’t live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it’s gone

Hold on before it’s too late
Or until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

So live like you mean it
And love til you feel it
It’s all that we need in our lives
Stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
nothing is real til its gone

Hold on before it’s too late
Or until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

It’s all that I need in my life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zp__g0bahfQ

that's all I got

posted August 09, 2008 05:18 PM            

I know so, so many people who are falling deeply in love at this place in time...

What a beautiful vibe to put out in the world.

blessings

posted August 09, 2008 09:20 PM            

Thanks so much for sharing the vibe. Still going strong...

*fingers crossed, wishing on stars, and opening up to possibilities*

posted August 09, 2008 11:43 PM            

That love vibe is everywhere right now.

posted August 11, 2008 12:32 AM              

Youre a sweetheart and you deserve to feel that way always. Don't worry about how long it will last, just enjoy these moments and the happiness you have found now...don't taint them with worry. You know all relationships have their ups and downs...

May every "up" be even better than you couldve imagined (that is, if you ever come down ).

posted August 20, 2008 09:31 AM            

Oh, well... it was fun while it lasted.

Seriously, this is not a match made in heaven, nor was it ever. I'm baffled as to how it got this far when we're just so... far... apart.

I don't know if I want to laugh hysterically or bawl my face off-- we're going on 4 days of not being able to speak for 5 minutes without fighting. I think it's time to pull out the champagne and chocolate and have some girls' time in.

I'm devastated and elated. The more I express my-self, my heart, my dreams, my hopes, the more we fight. It's a double edged sword, but keeping the peace means living inside a box and that won't do. It's nice to see me again, though. (Even if I am a bit mascara-streaked.)

I still believe in love, just not this one.

posted August 20, 2008 10:57 AM            

Yes, it's tricky, because what I want to be a butterfly and still feel welcome back at the cocoon.

He's a Virgo. With an Aries moon. And Scorpio rising. And a billion planets in Libra. He likes things to be smooth and he likes them to be his way (but he doesn't realize that.) He'd do anything for me. If only he could see outside the walls of his own perception.

He somehow stumbled across a dose of self-awareness a few weeks ago and things were wonderful. But now this busy beaver Virgo has gotten very tied up with his work and he's gone again...

posted August 20, 2008 11:26 AM            

He means well and I know that from the bottom of my heart. But I also know that there's got to be room for me in this somewhere.

posted August 20, 2008 05:01 PM            

You seriously need to read it. It's a super easy read and it won't fix everything, but it will help you to feel better. If you can get it on c.d. (use the inter-loan at the library) then you can listen to it while you are doing other things and he might hear it and perk his ears up too.

Oh, but don't tell him you want him to listen. I've learned that even open and enlightened men don't want to be told to listen to some other man as the "expert" on a relationship topic. Oh, I was going to say, that's why a lot of men hate counseling, but then I remembered that your guy was already going to counseling with you. He must really love you.

posted August 21, 2008 04:04 PM            

When fat idiot (sorry) when beloved returns, welcome him with warm feeling as if nothing had occurred.
Bald cretin (sorry) dear heart will feel validated and trusted.
Oh can you imagine the tortured guts of bunnies when on soft lads return I had to turn and smile and say in a gentle welcoming voice
"Hello my love. Would you like a nice cup of tea?
When in reality I wanted to say
"Yes I thought you'd come snivelling back you pathetic excuse for a man"

But whaddya know? His undying gratitude was a revelation.He didn't need to say anything it was written all over his big soppy face.