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Author Topic:   Attracting Violent Men?
Xena
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Posts: 542
From: UK
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posted October 15, 2008 03:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
*edit*

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bunnies
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posted October 15, 2008 04:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
Xena. Apparently we imprint a love map quite early on in life and try to replicate it unwittingly with subsequent partners.

So if you look in your past you will probably find that the first man who ever rocked your world has the qualities that you repeatedly seek.
Maybe not the violence but a forceful personality or a certain look.

You need to change the "love map" and that is not easy to do.

Usually only happens when you finally scrape the bottom of the barrel and realise there is nothing in there that you want any more.

Do not ever brush away any concerns about someone and think that maybe you misinterpreted their actions. You didn't and those warning flags are there for a reason.

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Xena
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posted October 15, 2008 04:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
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bunnies
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posted October 15, 2008 10:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
I couldn't agree with you more Xena.
Certain facial characteristics do go with certain behaviours.
I would love to study this in more depth myself.
The type of men I have been physically attracted to, never possess the mental qualities I desire.
Unless you know any Shakespeare quoting Neanderthals!!

But I saw a whole programme on the love map theory and it was fascinating.Basically once you have formed it you will always seek out those traits.
It can be something as simple as physical size or curly hair (my sisters map....why?....I know!)
Or in my case a character trait. Which definitely leads to a tendency to repeat the same error!

I remember developing a terrible crush on a British male athlete just before I got married for the first time and I knew it was purely because he looked and behaved like my lost first love.

And you know I saw him commentating on the Olympics this year. He is now bald and with a distinct paunch but do you know what Xena?

I still could have him!!!!

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26taurus
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posted October 15, 2008 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Do you have Mars in the 7th house? Aspecting Uranus? Or strongly aspecting any 7th house planet?

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Xena
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posted October 15, 2008 12:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
I have no 7th House activity at all, I'm afraid, and my Mars is actually quite comfortable with my Uranus!

I have a Mutable Grand Cross with Virgo Asc and lots of Pisces & Gem. Actually grateful for input of last 2 signs, + Aries intuition, + 8th House Sun + Merc - as enable me to spot con artists a mile off and evade (if I can help it - I may stand my ground and chat if I'm intrigued). Just wish I didn't attract them in the 1st place. Perhaps all that Pisces makes me look vulnerable...and acts as a bit of a disguise...

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Lana29865
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posted October 16, 2008 02:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lana29865     Edit/Delete Message
"Unless you know any Shakespeare quoting Neanderthals!!"

Yeaaahhh... that combination is something many women dream about... ;-) Intellect combined with raw sex (appeal).

Good luck to you, Xena.

(Edited).

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bunnies
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posted October 16, 2008 03:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
They can all be tamed to a degree Lana!!

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Lana29865
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posted October 16, 2008 03:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lana29865     Edit/Delete Message
Edited.

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bunnies
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posted October 16, 2008 07:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
O.K Lana run that by me again.

Quote "He just really seemed to give me everything I needed"

He was unwilling to learn, looked down on women and was abusive?

Now you REALLY do need a new love map.

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Xena
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From: UK
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posted October 16, 2008 10:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
I'm wondering whether fixed sign T-square in a man's chart inclines him to violence? (esp. where Scorpio is one of signs)?

I find this in female charts too, they tend to be very into controlling/smothering other people. As I have no fixed influences and am Cardinal/Mutable, I seem to attract these kinds of bods continually.

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yinyang
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posted October 16, 2008 07:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yinyang     Edit/Delete Message
Xena, do you happen to have a mars singleton? Or did your past lovers have a mars singleton?

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Xena
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posted October 16, 2008 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
Me: No Mars singleton, but Mars VERY conjunct Saturn, in the 10th, in Gemini (and square and opposite everything else, it seems).

Ex-h had Mars in Pisces (I have Venus in Pisces), every single bf I've had since our divorce has had Mars in Leo.

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Lana29865
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posted October 17, 2008 12:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lana29865     Edit/Delete Message
bunnies, I wouldn't be bothered to give the whole story on the Internet.
However, you are underestimating the power of culture and upbringing when it comes to the roles of men and women in some parts of the world. It's not about "how Aquas can be tamed to some degree", it goes way beyond the astrological signs.

Anyway, this is Xena's thread, so no more talk about me.

(Edited).

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writesomething
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From: meet me in montauk
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posted October 17, 2008 01:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for writesomething     Edit/Delete Message
A pisces descendant could attract partners who deceive and hurt you in some way. I have a lovely virgo rising friend who always picks the wrong men...its a shame.

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Unmoved
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From: Born in S.Africa
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posted October 17, 2008 02:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
Xena. I'm so sorry about your ex husband. You have probably gone through my worst nightmare.

bunnies has a very good point. It's frightening how we attract the very things we despise. A psychologist once told me that abusive men can smell or sense a victim. I didn't like that theory because it made me helpless and it made it seem as if it's my fault.

And yes, the sweeter they are, the more suspicious I get, unfortunately. It's like shooting myself in the foot because if sweet guys repel me it means that a-holes are attractive to me. That sounds sadistic.

I know my pattern and it stems from my first love. A tall, strong man who was exposed to his mother being victimized, abused or over-powered. They always lack a strong mother figure. Always.

This always puts me in danger of being at the receiving end of unrealistic demands to be a super woman or a doormat. I get tricked into very extreme roles. I am also expected to save a man, to show him that there are good women and all such pressures.

I just want to be taken care of for once and I keep on attracting people who need my help. I want a man who is healing just like I am. Not someone who is still in denial, in need of a saviour or someone who still wants to act out dramas from his part. I don't want to help anymore. I don't want to be the one who makes them see. I just want to love. This pattern is the biggest challenge I've ever had.

That's my problem. I am always a catalyst to someone's healing, but I never experience the end product. Maybe that's my lot. If so, I am not dating anymore.

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Xena
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posted October 17, 2008 07:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
*edit*

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bunnies
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posted October 17, 2008 10:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
I don't underestimate the role of culture at all in relationships.

My best friend since childhood is married and living in Tunisia with a Bedouin arab.
I know all about the issues, as I have seen them first hand but somehow she has managed to retain a good deal of herself without trampling all over his cultural identity.

But there was no offence meant Lana. Merely an observation on the way your post was worded.

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Lana29865
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posted November 01, 2008 03:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lana29865     Edit/Delete Message
Okay, bunnies :-)
(The Internet is full of misunderstandings, because it's only about the words we choose to type here).

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sadie8
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From: NY NY USA
Registered: Nov 2008

posted November 16, 2008 11:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sadie8     Edit/Delete Message
okay so this is something I read a while back from cafeastrology.com

"Venus conjunct, opposition, square, semi-square, sesquiquadrate, or quincunx Pluto

The realm of human love and human relating is not one you can enter into lightly or casually. For you it is always an all-or-nothing, whole-hearted, and ultimately transformative experience. Great joy and tremendous pain, betrayals, intense desire, and longings are part of your soul's path and pattern in this lifetime. A deepening of your heart and your capacity to love, as well as a purification of your values, is what this is all about. It may be the loss of one particular person in a particularly poignant and excruciating way, or a series of encounters which bring you ever deeper into your own attachments. Even abusive relationships may be the arenas in which this occurs. Ultimately, you are meant to discover the power of love to heal, to renew and resurrect your own and others' lives.

The darker side or temptation on this path is to use love (or attractiveness, and others' love for you) to control, manipulate, or force your will upon them. A love of power -instead of the power of love - would then be your downfall."

Often venus in opposition to pluto attracts people in to your life that display pluto-like charachteristics seeking to control you in someway. Similarly if there are cross aspects between your charts (specifically your venus opposite his pluto) keep your guard up. I would look for aspects between pluto, venus, and or mars in both your natal chart AND your potential mans chart. Any planets in your IC (4th house) can give you an idea of what your home life was like and point to abuse there. Also look for aspects between any of your personal planets and the asteroids Nessus and Lilith. Nessus generally points to some kind of sexual abuse whereas Liltith has more to do with domination and control sometimes even violence if poorly aspected (mars, pluto, even saturn). On a personal note, my dad was one of those "nice" guys who was violent and controlling behind closed doors and I think it's because of my early childhood experience that I was always a able to spot them. He had everybody fooled. Funny the way life teaches you things.

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sadie8
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From: NY NY USA
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posted November 16, 2008 11:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sadie8     Edit/Delete Message
okay so this is something I read a while back from cafeastrology.com

"Venus conjunct, opposition, square, semi-square, sesquiquadrate, or quincunx Pluto

The realm of human love and human relating is not one you can enter into lightly or casually. For you it is always an all-or-nothing, whole-hearted, and ultimately transformative experience. Great joy and tremendous pain, betrayals, intense desire, and longings are part of your soul's path and pattern in this lifetime. A deepening of your heart and your capacity to love, as well as a purification of your values, is what this is all about. It may be the loss of one particular person in a particularly poignant and excruciating way, or a series of encounters which bring you ever deeper into your own attachments. Even abusive relationships may be the arenas in which this occurs. Ultimately, you are meant to discover the power of love to heal, to renew and resurrect your own and others' lives.

The darker side or temptation on this path is to use love (or attractiveness, and others' love for you) to control, manipulate, or force your will upon them. A love of power -instead of the power of love - would then be your downfall."

Often venus in opposition to pluto attracts people in to your life that display pluto-like charachteristics seeking to control you in someway. Similarly if there are cross aspects between your charts (specifically your venus opposite his pluto) keep your guard up. I would look for aspects between pluto, venus, and or mars in both your natal chart AND your potential mans chart. Any planets in your IC (4th house) can give you an idea of what your home life was like and point to abuse there. Also look for aspects between any of your personal planets and the asteroids Nessus and Lilith. Nessus generally points to some kind of sexual abuse whereas Liltith has more to do with domination and control sometimes even violence if poorly aspected (mars, pluto, even saturn). On a personal note, my dad was one of those "nice" guys who was violent and controlling behind closed doors and I think it's because of my early childhood experience that I was always a able to spot them. He had everybody fooled. Funny the way life teaches you things.

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Snow_Dream
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Posts: 135
From: Wichita, Kansas USA
Registered: Jun 2007

posted November 17, 2008 01:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Snow_Dream     Edit/Delete Message
yinyang, could you please explain about what a Mars singleton has to do with attracting violent partner(s)?? The reason I'm asking is because my Mars is two times a Singleton, and I was married to an abusive man for 22 years.

------------------
SUN: SCORPIO
ASC: GEMINI
MOON: GEMINI

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deuxantares
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From: Meet Me in Sofia
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posted November 17, 2008 09:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Snow,

I remember you asked me before what a singleton is. Sorry I forgot to answer. Gemini Asc got distracted, you know.

Here is an excerpt from http://forums.about.com:

"To define singletons, they are planets that stand out in the chart in a particular manner. Singleton planets can include planets that are the only ones in a particular element, modality, or house type. In your case, Mars is the only planet by location.

According to the late Marc Edmund Jones, planets that are positioned at least 60 degrees away from other planets in the chart on both sides is considered a singleton by location.

...The singleton is then said to channel the energy of the entire chart into the house in which the singleton is found through the behavior that the singleton represents.

If a particular chart contains a singleton, it is considered the weaker function of our psyche because it provides us with a degree of imbalance. Although we may feel (or have felt) that the function associated with the singleton was absent, we actually tend to deny or repress it, which often occurs during childhood and adolescence. Some even carry it through their entire life. Repressed psychological functions can be likened to a dormant volcano. The potency of the function seems not to be apparent until it erupts with violence. This usually happens when we experience stress or illness. If there is no eruption, we may project it onto other people, usually indicated by the house position of Mars.

...With Mars being a singleton, action, aggression and self-assertion may have taken centerstage in your life. There could be a possibility that you don't want to think about anger and hold it in until the pressure becomes too great and explodes, often beyond your control. Under stress you may be very agitated and feel the only way to relieve the stress is to do something physically. If you have developed self-awareness, then the desire to do something will manifest in productive avenues and not just happens when you are under stress."

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