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Author Topic:   Rant
ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5482
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted November 03, 2008 07:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
I thought I had met somebody really special not so long ago. It was only platonic online, but then we met. I didn't expect anything to happen but we just seemed to connect so naturally and we fell for each other. We just seemed to understand each other, although, it flows somehow much better in person than online. He can seem distant online and be a man of few words.

That is what's bothering me. I am the sort of person who finds long distance relationships in themselves difficult enough, but when on top of that you have someone who can be distant at times too, causing confusion....well, then it's more difficult.

Sometimes I feel as if the connection we have and all the similar things we have experienced run so deep. Then there are other times when I feel lonely and empty.

I don't want to lose something precious, but at the same time I am finding these emotions very difficult to handle.

I do trust him to be the loyal type, and also strongly sense him to be honest. He is quite patient with me, but every now and then he just can't handle talking about anything deep such as relationship issues and emotions. He has a lot on his plate to deal with at the moment with work and finances. He is also "thawing out" from being deeply hurt by someone a few years ago that took him a long time to get over.

I do feel that if we lived closer to each other and were able to see each other more often, I probably wouldn't be having any of these problems. The way we get on in person is very different and much better to how we relate online. I feel very connected to him in person, deeply connected. I even feel I can sense so much of what he thinks and feels when I am with him. I wish I was psychic enough to be able to do this over a computer as well, but unfortunately I am not.

Perhaps men and women are a different species anyway, in how we need to relate to each other?

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5482
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted November 03, 2008 07:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
I want someone who is not just a lover, but a best friend.

But maybe I just need to get used to being alone?

I've spent most of my life alone, so why am I still not used to it? Why do I crave such deepest intimacy so much?

I wonder what I did in a previous life or why my life path and astro chart seem to point to me being mostly alone, relationship wise?

I was going to post my chart/ our charts, but to be honest I'm a bit cynical about astrology nowadays. I have a sort of love-hate relationship with it. I much prefer making discoveries than have someone or something explain everything to you first. It only makes sense through experience anyway.

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5482
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted November 03, 2008 08:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Another weird thing that happened to me today was that a girl who was my best friend from the age of about 6 to 11 years old found me on facebook, and said she had been looking for me for years. She said she felt bad about the way she treated me back then, about deserting me when we started secondary school. I said that it was ok; we were just kids. People just naturally drift apart. Later on in my teens, we did become friends again but I think by then we were growing in different ways, I was probably too eccentric by then for her, in some ways. I thought she didn't like me. She told me today that I was "the best friend she ever had" which I thought was really sweet. We are meant to be meeting tomorrow but I'm nervous.

I know that it's not all her fault, what happened. I thought about it a lot afterwards and realized I had been too possessive of her back in the early days when we were close. What happened may have been painful, but it also taught me a lot and allowed me to grow as an individual. Then, in other ways those difficulties I faced at school, the anxiety and depression that began on my first day of secondary school, through being branded as a "loner"....still affects me very much today.

Gosh, life is so heavy....
it feels that way....

Where is my "twin flame" anyway?
Do I have one?

Or is it just some crazy dream brought upon some by having a Libra Moon?!

Linda had a Libra Moon too.



-----------------------------------


All this talk also reminds me of that dream I had when I was 9 years old, the same age as when she and I were friends, and I shared it with her. Why the dream had such an effect on me, who knows. It is probably childish for me to hold on to such a thing and wonder if there could be anything in it. When I reflect on it now, it seems like some subconscious yearning for home, or for "christ consciousness", as the dream may have been inspired by religion and how the story of Jesus affected me, as well as various sea films I had watched at home. In the dream, the thing that happened to the boy that made me "scream inside" was watching him being cruelly whipped by the adults on the boat as some sort of punishment, the way I may have seen in films. His face was different to any I have seen though. Perhaps he may even have incarnated already as my youngest son; he's quite blonde, I also felt I "knew" him straight away. LOL. Who knows. He doesn't have freckles though. The boy in the dream had freckles on his nose. It was just a dream though, silly old me. He could incarnate in any physical body so I guess his face wasn't important; only his soul. And all he could be is just a figment of my imagination.

-----------------------------------


I've read that the sea, in dreams, can be a metaphor for the subconscious....and the boat for life; this world.
Perhaps the ship in itself wasn't significant in a literal way?

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5482
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted November 03, 2008 09:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Just going through some old threads, and found this:

ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 2548
From: the capricious clouds, in the land formerly known as Albion
Registered: Jul 2005
posted January 14, 2008 01:19PM

quote:
Just a thought.....

No-one who I have met, as yet has shared a similar frequency to me, though I have great respect for the inner beauty and have felt the deepest, most profound love.

Maybe it's not a question of love when it comes to finding someone we fit well with, as I've already tried to explain- true love is infinite, and knows no boundaries.

Maybe we just need to find people who share a similar frequency.

And perhaps we do have a twin soul out there........ somewhere.



Reply, from fayte.m:
quote:
Yes...that wavelength.

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Aste*risk
Knowflake

Posts: 57
From: U.S.
Registered: Nov 2007

posted November 04, 2008 10:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aste*risk     Edit/Delete Message
I feel like your words bound me to you.

They're so similar to my own thoughts.

I've always thought it was the Libran influence.

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5482
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted November 05, 2008 11:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5482
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted November 05, 2008 11:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
I didn't mention before, but there are lots of funny synchronicities and similarities between me and this guy. I know there is a spiritual connection between us of some kind, however I'm not sure what it is yet. I think other emotions such as hope, fear and anxiety can cloud our intuition.

I did receive a message not so long ago in the spiritualist church I attend occasionally. It's was uncanny, because I was wondering earlier that day or the day before if my maternal grandmother would ever get in touch (who I never met)....and then she did. The message was "she didn't know me, but I've watched her grow".

In another part of the message, I was told that there was something in particular I had been praying for....and that she wanted to let me know that my prayer would be answered- but I that I need to have patience.

Now, whether or not this means having patience now, in the situation I am in, or waiting a bit longer to find "the one"....if "the one" (in that sense) exists.....I'm not sure. I'll have to find out.
It could mean either.

Another thing that me and this guy share is that we both seem to be "highly sensitive people", from what I've learned of him anyway. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/003321.html

I think that it expresses itself in slightly different ways with me. We are all different....that's the way it should be. I wouldn't want to date my own twin, lol. I think he finds it difficult at the moment to tell me how he feels with words and such....but then again he has shown me in other ways.

So I'm just going to "have patience" on this one, and see what happens.

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