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Author
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Topic: Interests don't have to match
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raj_105_2001
Knowflake Posts: 1339
From: Chennai
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted January 14, 2009 06:00 AM
 
It is a common belief that for a relationship to work the interests of the two people have to match. For example Aries and Cancer have widely different interests - and therefore the relationship won't work. The same applies to Taurus and Aquarius.One may be a good book reader and may love to read and the other has read only textbooks in his or her life. Then again interests conflict. I believe this to be wrong. Interests don't have to match for a relationship to work. What is more important is the two listen to each other sincerely and patiently. I believe this to be the only necessity. If there is little or no listening then the relationship will come down no matter how much common interests they share. I believe Listening is the key to make a relationship work - the two don't have to like the same things. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 4200
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 14, 2009 06:35 AM
I agree totally.I know of lots of couples who are married for over 20 years and they have completely different interests. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1785
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted January 14, 2009 06:52 AM
But there's got to be SOME common interests. I mean, what else are you going to do, after you you're married 5 years and between the raising of kids, etc? Seems boring and maybe even unrealistic if there's not enough common interests to hold you together...mutual hobbies or something. Otherwise it's like you're just a couple of people sharing a place.IP: Logged |
raj_105_2001
Knowflake Posts: 1339
From: Chennai
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted January 14, 2009 08:24 AM
Lara, Thank You.MyVirgoMask, I believe that is the whole purpose of a relationship: to develop common interests. Only listening to each other can help achieve that. I have found when I try to genuinely understand a person's different point of view, I suddenly start seeing things in a completely different way. What has been boring previously, now becomes really interesting. I see the topic in an entirely different way, in a way that appeals to me, and sometimes the other person did not even intend what I feel within. But it cannot happen without the understanding first. I must be open and willing to be influenced. THAT I believe is real spiritual growth. I certainly do not want my house to be filled with people who just share my place with me. I think that is what is happening in many houses today, and people turn towards one companion: The Television. That way many couples live never understanding each other, never realizing what it is to see the world through the other's eyes. How would life be if you suddenly discover what was boring is not really boring at all, and new avenues could open within yourself? Many very pious and spiritual people are just within their unrealized mental and emotional boundaries. They live and die without realizing the answer. What is the use of being spiritual if you are confined within yourself all your life? If you love someone, like someone then there MUST be some common interests both of you share. That is something to be discovered and developed. It cannot happen without the willingness to understand from BOTH.
IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 4200
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 14, 2009 01:24 PM
communication
friendship
sex
trustother than that l quite like doing my own thing whilst my man goes off doing something else. I certainly don't wanna be tied at the hip with him just cos we are together! IP: Logged |
raj_105_2001
Knowflake Posts: 1339
From: Chennai
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted January 14, 2009 10:12 PM
Lara, I agree with you. I am really talking about the communication part of it.IP: Logged |
raj_105_2001
Knowflake Posts: 1339
From: Chennai
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted January 14, 2009 10:27 PM
quote:
I certainly don't wanna be tied at the hip with him just cos we are together!
Of course that is not the point. IP: Logged |
LetsDance
Knowflake Posts: 303
From: Where there's dancing...
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 15, 2009 12:27 AM
Great post, raj. I agree with you. I am experiencing what you are talking about.Lara, you are right on, too! Although I would put "trust" a little higher on the list. I think that's what makes you want to listen to the other person.  IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 4200
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 15, 2009 07:35 PM
I agree LetsDance... it was just a random list in no particular order  IP: Logged |
FistOfLegend
Knowflake Posts: 543
From:
Registered: Nov 2008
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posted January 16, 2009 01:14 AM
But values do. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1785
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted January 16, 2009 11:18 AM
Good point, Fist.
If your basic core values don't match, then it probably doesn't last no matter how trusting you both are, or how much you listen to each other.
And if you do end up changing your values, you'll probably end up resenting the other to an extent. IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1595
From:
Registered: May 2004
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posted January 16, 2009 11:48 AM
You have to grow together.
That's the bottom line for me.
Similar values, similar tastes, similar schedules - it all helps in the beginning.
If you start growing apart and away from each other, then you have a problem.IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 4200
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 18, 2009 04:13 PM
"LOVE DOES NOT CONSIST OF GAZING AT EACH OTHER BUT IN LOOKING TOGETHER IN THE SAME DIRECTION....."this kinda says it all to me. What do you think? IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 2401
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted January 18, 2009 05:58 PM
Trust and communication and total honesty!
NO Secrets ever!
Being best friends/companions!
Yes, basic core values and philosophies ideally should match exactly or very closely.
Same interests?
Well....a boom boxing loud music lover would not do well with a silence/nature sound lover.
Same for a smoker vs non smoker.
Or dog people vs cat people.
And so forth.
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Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 2401
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted January 18, 2009 06:13 PM
raj_105_2001 
quote:
I think that is what is happening in many houses today, and people turn towards one companion: The Television. That way many couples live never understanding each other, never realizing what it is to see the world through the other's eyes. How would life be if you suddenly discover what was boring is not really boring at all, and new avenues could open within yourself? Many very pious and spiritual people are just within their unrealized mental and emotional boundaries. They live and die without realizing the answer. What is the use of being spiritual if you are confined within yourself all your life?
I agree!
And yes..Television is a terrible invader into too many lives. I do not have it except for movies on DVD.
I know of too many people who spend more time with TV and Video games than with each other.  ------------------
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 5195
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted January 18, 2009 06:27 PM
What about compromise and tolerance? And the lessons you learn from someone with different values? I clutter the house. He gets annoyed. I tidy up and take some things I don't need down to the charity shop. I don't smoke. He smokes ~ outside. etc, etc.
IP: Logged |
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