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Author
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Topic: What is your opinion of open marriages?
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good girl
Knowflake Posts: 85
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 02, 2009 11:27 PM
 
Creepy?Avantgard? Interesting? Does it doom a marriage...lasting only until one of the partners finds someone better? I knew a couple who did this,and it seemed to me their marriage was not going to last, that this may have been a last attempt to save their marriage.
Interesting idea...but I for one am way too possessive to even consider it. And I can only be obsessed with one man at a time. so not for me.
IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Moderator Posts: 380
From: peace.angel@live.com.au
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 02, 2009 11:50 PM
Personally, I like the idea of being with one person so open marriage doesn't appeal to me on any level.But there's something I'm very curious about. If someone is considering asking their partner to opt for open marriage, how on Earth do they do that? There's a big risk involved. And what do you say? I can't get my head around that one. IP: Logged |
Peri
Moderator Posts: 152
From: 50N26 30E31
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 04:39 AM
I am not opposed to the idea of an open relationship/marriage if it works for someone, though I would never ever pursue one myself, I personally am built for monogamous relationships only.  IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 112
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 09:39 AM
I think expecting to be married to someone and stay in love with them for 5, 10, 20, 30 years is what's really crazy.Low expectations = better return. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 272
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 03, 2009 02:32 PM
LOL Yin. I agree to an extent.
They should change the vows. At the end, we shouldn't have to say 'I Do', but instead 'I do, until I don't.'
That's what most of us do anyway  Open marriages...I mean, hey, if it works for them, okay great. I don't share well though. Way possessive. And territorial. I've seen 2 couples who tried it, loved it initially, then their relationships just kind of collapsed.
Sooo.....I don't know.
Is it like a swinging marriage or what, do you date?
I would think some very basic ground rules would have to be set first, since it is a structure and you're changing the very foundation of it.
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CarbonUnit
Knowflake Posts: 6
From: Austin, Tx, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 12:30 AM
Why get married if you want to screw around? I don't get it.IP: Logged |
Lonake
Knowflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 01:14 AM
I agree Carbon, I was thinking of this topic a few days ago actually. My thinking is, if you know you're a cheat why try to dupe someone into believing that you're going to remain faithful in the monogamous sense. But then there's sexual and also emotional fidelity. Honesty should be paramount and let the couple work out the "rules" of their relationship and call it whatever they like, or nothing at all. But the mind-numbing going behind someone else's back is just something I can't comprehend. Personally I'd try an open-marriage. Aquarius dsc, Uranus conj H5.IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 192
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 08:49 AM
If it is only about sex...then generally NO.
Also total honesty and lack of jealousy is a must.
Each must also have a sure sense of their own
self identity and worth.
All must agree totally on all aspects of such a relationship.IP: Logged |
Valus
Knowflake Posts: 223
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 12:21 PM
It would sink most couples.It depends entirely on the people
and on the chemistry between them. Needless to say,
it is an extremely personal decision.
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katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 04, 2009 12:41 PM
to me it is an oxymoron. if you want "open" you don't want "marriage". of course a mormon might disagree with me! but i find it hard enough to contemplate marriage without making it so complex as to be virtually unworkable. my opinion of course.IP: Logged |
emma_duncan
Knowflake Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 05, 2009 12:29 AM
i dont get it
sounds like two people (or at least one of them) want comfort/convenience of marriage without much sacrifice/effort/commitmentlike it would be nice to know that u have a home to go to at the end of the day, probably food wold be ready, also you have social benefits, but of course it does not cost you much in terms of commitment sounds like a temp solution IP: Logged |
Lonake
Knowflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 05, 2009 02:18 AM
I agree, most people would not be able to handle such a union.IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 192
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 05, 2009 03:17 AM
Trine relationships are not that unusual though rare.
Many bi folks have such.
Also for example; if one in the relationship is severely handicapped; as in paralyzed from the waist down, a third is often added, and not just for sexual reasons, but to let the non handicapped partner have an active companion to do activities the other cannot do with them.
Also sometimes in a two way relationship, people can find that even though they love each other, one is simply not interested in much sex or any sexual activity. It would be wrong to deny the higher sexed one their sexuality.
Yes there are polyamourous people out there but I am speaking of committed 3 way relationships, no outside sexual encounters. And these are not relationships just for the sexual aspect. The serious ones only work when all three love each other and are totally honest and all are equal in the trine.
And as I said before, all must be non jealous and have a sure sense of self worth and personal identity.
In hetero relationships, where neither is handicapped in any way however, I see little reason to have an open marriage in respects to purely sexual encounters. Very close friends with benefits I can understand (not my thing but I can understand)but not for outside sexual encounters as swingers do, just for sex without deep friendship. That I do not agree with.
It can all be quite complex and there are so many reasons to not have a traditional two party relationship/marriage.
And sex is only a small part of such reasons.
IP: Logged |
Fases De La Luna
Knowflake Posts: 25
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 06, 2009 02:03 AM
Hey good girl, this is where you went with it! I think as with all relationships, it depends on the parties involved. The reasons for promoting/practicing will have an inverse relation to their personalities. I'm monogamous by nature & while I've learnt that no one person can satisfy another, i'm ok with being grateful for the special person in my life if what is important to me is met. What I do respect about people in open relationships though, is the openness of everything in the open, honesty & lack of deceit. Also that both parties share equal rights and not just one person selfishly and hiding fulfilling solely their unmet needs or whatever else.
CarbonUnit, i hear you! Maybe it should be termed open 'relationships' than marriage.
Lonake, ditto. Its irritating when people who know they're fidelity challenged - in any department - promise the sun, moon, starts and planets when they can barely deliver earth.
katatonic, ditto to what you said too. In short good girl, while i wouldn't personally choose the scenario for myself & respect another's right to 'live & let live' if it works for them, for whatever reasons. IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 65
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 06, 2009 02:31 PM
Open marriage is a no for me.IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake Posts: 289
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 06, 2009 02:39 PM
its a no for me too. although it is really popular in the small town i grew up in now. they have swing parties and pretty much anything goes (so i hear). if i wanted more partners, i wouldn't bother with vows and marriage. i searched the world over for what i finally found, there isn't a man alive that holds a candle to what i have at home. but, different stroke for different folks. i don't judge them just becasue they are different than me in what they need and want. life is complicated enough. IP: Logged |
pire
Knowflake Posts: 68
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 07, 2009 09:14 AM
i can imagine forgiving a mistake, even though i m terribly jealous, but accepting that someone has a relationship with me and someone else at the same time is beyond my strengh.so basically, no. i even wonder if letting someone walk over you that way is doing them a favor. love means being able to take on yourself, but if it serves only a need for security, is this still love? i don't have any answers but i'm wondering about these issues too. IP: Logged |
comica23
Knowflake Posts: 38
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 07, 2009 07:36 PM
Personally, there's no meaning for me to do it, as I want a monogamous relationship. But I don't think that it's anything wrong, as long as both sides in a couple agrees what they want to do. It's a matter of preferences anyways.But the problem is, everyone often wants deep, passionate love, yet hardly they'd work for it when reality comes in, and then they'd get bored or tend to avoid the issues in the relationships. But what they have to know is that the kind of deep, passionate real love takes time and effort to achieve.
So people sometimes would go seek for what they can't get from their own relationship, when their relationship turns out not to be as perfect and passionate as they dreamed of, without putting much effort to ever work things out. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 420
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 08, 2009 08:14 AM
I struggle to figure it all out. I don't think my possessive taurus sun could handle it.I found it hard enough having a FB with no strings... really messed my head up! IP: Logged |
Taurean_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: Santa Monica, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 08, 2009 05:13 PM
Definitely not for me.I'll tell you a story. Not too long ago my manager at the place I worked at the time was in an open relationship. He loved his wife dearly, and often times, he would meet women at bars and what not, go on dates, etc, and of course have sex with them. He's even hit on me several times. Anyway, he and his wife agreed that it would be a good idea to see other people to satisfy their sexual cravings but not love them to maintain their partnership forever. I could see where he was coming with this but I wouldn't be able to do it myself as I can't imagine my man sleeping with someone else. Because I believe love and sex come hand-in-hand, I think for most people it's the same. Sun in Taurus in the 12th, Moon in Scorpio in the 6th, Cancer Rising. IP: Logged |
Taurean_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: Santa Monica, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 08, 2009 05:13 PM
double post.IP: Logged |
sm
Knowflake Posts: 5
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 19, 2009 05:33 AM
I think i will go with what Taureanscorpian says.
I am too possessive for it , i believe .
I can't imagine my other half being in bed with someone else . IP: Logged |
Choc
Knowflake Posts: 12
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 19, 2009 07:30 PM
It's bollocks.
It's just an excuse for people to eff around.IP: Logged |
LetsDance
Knowflake Posts: 14
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 19, 2009 08:47 PM
It's not for me. I live in a culture where marriage is between TWO people only. Even in cultures where more than one spouse is legal, they still MARRY. They don't just sleep around. And let's face it, open marriage is for sex. Otherwise, wouldn't it just be platonic friendship? IMHO, there is no secure sense of self in an open marriage. If a spouse is secure with themselves, then they would stand by their committment or let the other person go. Then, that other person can find the right one for them. Why subject that person to humilation, rejection, DISEASE, disrespect, and the beat goes on. The person that cheats is insecure. They are afraid to be "out there" alone. They are insecure with who they are and want a safety net. Katatonic and emma_duncan and choc, I agree with you and everyone who's against it. You know, the "traditional" marriage vows pretty much cover every aspect of making the committment to marry someone. Forsaking all others, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold till death do us part. Maybe alot of marriages don't hold out until "death do us part", and if they don't, they should end the marriage. Cut the cord and get on with your life. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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