posted June 24, 2009 09:35 AM         

no seriously, i know it ain't easy. time helps to do the work because it s time that actually makes the work. you just need to put yourself in the mindset that you are going to forgive, that you are willing to forgive.

for myself, not forgiving is not an option because i tend to rewrite my life everyday according to what happened yesterday. and if i keep resentment from yesterday, tomorrow will be painted in resentful colors. and therefore the day after tomorrow will only have resentment as past, you see what i mean?

posted June 24, 2009 09:41 AM         

I don't know if that helps you any.

posted June 24, 2009 05:01 PM         

very fixed leo sun leo moon taurus rising.

not being able to forgive made me un-trusting. it has hurt me in my life more than the person(s) who commited the wrong against me. all my life i have walked away and never looked back. from giving to you everything i have to not giving you the time of day, like i never knew you. but deep inside i vowed that they would never know how much they hurt me. never see me weak. continue on like they never existed. certain people.

see i had to learn to forgive. not to let them back into my life, but to forgive, so i could open myself to trust and love. i am not just talking about romantic partners. i am talking about all people.

there is a golden altar excercise that was given to me that has helped me immensely with this.

i can't find it online, but you picture yourself protected in violet, and picture a golden altar in front of you, put the person who hurt you on the altar, a cord form your heart to thiers, say this or something simialar, i forgive and release you from all wrongs, imagined and real and ask that you forgive and release me from wrongs i have done to you imagined and real.

eventually you will go to put them on the altar and they wont be there, then you know you have totally forgiven them and released the karmic burden.

even with this, i had a hard time, some people dont even deserve to be on this altar or forgiven..someone who has harmed with malice and is not sorry, how do they deserve to be forgiven? ..ah, but remember, it hurts me not them to not forgive, so you imagine yourself much bigger than them, 100 times bigger and they are small and cant hurt you, and you do the excercise that way.

it isn't an easy thing to do, but at some point it becomes what you have to do.

i understand forgiveness issues.

i am very loyal and take betrayal very hard. be it a friend, family member or lover.

contacting him is not a necessary part of forgiving him. it is hurting you not him.

posted June 24, 2009 05:59 PM         

mmmmm .. for emotional hurts ..
i.e. as opposed to someone commiting a brutal violent crime against someone i care about ..
which probably would not be forgiven .. ever ..

back to emotional wounding ..
1 .. astrology has helped me in a big way in that regard ..
understanding their chart with regards to their behaviour .. what pressures they might have been under etc ..
understanding what i know of myself and my chart .. and my behaviour ..
( i.e. what i might have contributed to the 'hurt' .. knowingly or unknowingly )

in one incident .. a grudge was held against me for ten years for something that was 'no way' my fault ..
knowing his astrology setup .. his cultural upbringing and his mindset .. the pressures he was under ..
helped me tolerate and forgive the hurt ..
( this 'forgiveness' was very recent .. although he passed away 29 years ago )

2 .. survival and common sense ..
holding on to emotional hurts .. at the end of the day .. can or will take a serious toll on one's health ..
given a choice between feeling sick or feeling healthy .. i sure know which i'd prefer :-)

am wondering if tPluto to nChiron be giving you an opportunity here ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

off topic .. but while i think of it .. Saturn in the 7th house .. imho ..
offers an oportunity to be a 'pro' in the area of relationships ..
an expert due to a need to overcome obstacles .. lessons and diplomas ..
Saturn lessons take time ..
if you'll forgive an opinion Peri ..
i put forward your good at astrology .. and from some of your info posts you have a grasp of 'relationships'
the positive and negative points ..
at the end of the day .. at some point in your life .. methinks you could be an excellent marriage guidance councellor ..

posted June 24, 2009 11:37 PM         

Sometimes people either remind us of someone who hurt us and this brings up past hurts, or their wrongs against us pour salt into an already hurting hurt.

I once dated someone who did this to me and he just wasn't a very nice person. After my hurt feelings got under control and stepped back, I realized he was the type of person who projected his faults and pain onto someone else so they would hurt just as much as he was. Once I realized that, it was easier for me to not hurt as much and heal from it.

posted June 25, 2009 01:13 PM         

If you text and don't get a reply, would that reactivate your hurt all over again, and then there you are at square one?
If you text and do get a reply are you prepared to go where that might take you?

posted June 26, 2009 02:37 PM         

you still have to learn to forgive for your own health and life.

i mean it is definately off the guy girl topic, but forgivness can be hard. and not always understandable when someone hurts others, as it can be deliberate and without remorse.

how do you put your self in the shoes of someone who murders a child after repeated rapings? taking ego out of it completely. how do you reconcile that in your mind? there is nothing that makes certain crimes ok. nothing.

and yet, the parents of that child have to, have to, at some point find a way to forgive, because bitterness is poison to your body and cancerous and nothing good comes from it.

usually i see where you are coming from, but not really on thiso ne.

posted June 27, 2009 10:36 AM         

It's hard to forgive if you keep looking back. Just accept that everything that happened in the past belong in the past. You are both different people now and there is no point in seeing the other person as he was in the past. Have you noticed that you only feel pain when you remember something from the past? This is why we are encouraged to live only in the NOW.

My suggestion: Get into a relaxed state. Bring up the scene that caused the problem and send love to it. Talk to the person and tell him that you are releasing the pain, the resentment, whatever you need to release. Tell him everything that you need to tell him. Unload. Acknowledge that you were both hurt, and that the suffering has to stop now.

(I am almost 100% sure that you won't be able to finish this exercise without crying.) LOL.

When you feel that you have said everything, imagine a ball of light in your heart. Make it grow bigger and bigger until the two of you are inside it. Turn the ball of light into loving energy. By this time, there should not be any more feeling of hate or resentment or anger but love and peace. Then make the ball of light smaller and smaller until it fades again into your heart. Imagine the other person walking away.

Repeat after a few days if necessary.

My Scorpio sun and moon guarantee you that this technique works.

posted June 27, 2009 11:14 AM         

I live and let live...I respect each and every human for their existence here on earth.

If someone's energy goes against what I believe in...I swim on....

I forgive and do not look back, I let it all go....(my Aqua influence...)

posted June 27, 2009 06:41 PM         

I have read these posts and people have given such excellent advice I don't think I can really offer anything that hasn't been said.
But I can tell you what I think I'd do. If I felt a need to contact this person I would . If I didn't I wouldn't. I know that sounds too simple ,but trust your heart. Also, if you feel you've hurt this person and need to make amends I would. But there are no cut and dried rules I think.
The best thing,in my opinion,is to say a prayer and ask for help regaridng this. It obviously bothers you enough to write about it.
I don't think we have to be in contact with people to forgive them or to be forgiven. It really boils down to what's best for both of you.
I have had and still have a very hard time with forgiveness, so I don't know how much of a help I can be. I don't have a lot of examples of it in my life to show you either.But I do think it hurts us to hold on to anger and resentment. Also we will judge ourselves conciously or not with the same severity we judge others and forgive ourselves to the degree we forgive I think.

posted June 29, 2009 02:30 PM         

As for the other stuff, yeah, I agree with you totally.
But I do forgive the family that raised me in an abusive home, because no, I didn't have a fortunate life, I just tell myself that they did the best they could with what they knew.

posted June 29, 2009 02:44 PM         

relationships are never easy, unfortuantely lovers don't come with a how to guide.

Peri, do what is in your heart, that is always the best thing.

posted July 03, 2009 05:39 PM         

Right now i'm still trying to forgive someone at heart but i'm afraid they i may never be able to...but i think this will take alot of time...and the hurt which was caused to me last year has also left me with even more trust issues.

I am practicing to forgive this person as i feel he has his issues and that he is a confused soul