posted June 28, 2009 10:18 PM         

If you are both 14 years old, and a boy gives you an intense stare or vibe but is too chicken to EVER approach you, ask you out, or make out with you, it might be sweet true love and he is overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings and he is a bit shy.

If a grown-up man is acting like this, it means something is wrong with him! And I think women get the wrong idea, at least in my case, from having once been teenage girls and seeing men freeze up in our wake.

posted June 29, 2009 02:22 AM         

It's just that once a woman gives him a nice warm smile and meets his eyes, or especially if she finally approaches him, and he doesn't make a move over months and months and months, yet he vibes her and stares at her and does things like appear to have jealous meltdowns, then he's just sending out "hooks" and he's going to be a waste of her energy.

Also, past a certain sell-by date (it doesn't sound like this situation is there yet--sounds like Mr Cancer just needs some friendly encouragement, I hope), once a woman is making excuses for a man like, "He's so scared of the intensity between us that he doesn't want to ever see me or touch me" or "He seemed angry when I invited him to spend time with me and my friends, yet he started stalking me, yet when I tried to touch his arm, he gave me a smoldering look and looked away and now he avoids me, after three years we're like strangers"---then the man is not a sweetly timid water sign, he's one of those messed up ones who is incapable of closing the deal.

The thing about a man who gives you smoldering, unreadable looks is that it can tap into a lot of fantasies--you can be thinking, "He wants me so much he's intimidated and shy," while he is unconsciously luring your attention, yet if you try to make a real, human connection, he will retreat.

None of this applies to inexperienced boys. A 22-year-old college boy with little experience with girls might be really shy and tongue-tied. A 35-year-old, even if still shy, needs to have learned some skills for at least responding to interested women.

There's a HUGE difference between a guy who's too timid to make a move (kind of sweet) and a guy who fails to RESPOND to a long series of moves, yet keeps the woman hooked by staring at her all the time.

posted June 29, 2009 10:05 PM         

If he's an adult man and you didn't do anything genuinely hurtful toward him, 5 months is too long.

However--some exceptions:

1) Is he really, TRULY single? And if so, has he ever had a real, semi-long term relationship with a woman?

If he is for sure single, has had real relationships in the past (if he is never involved with anyone, unless he is very young boy), and seems like he's across the board shy and socially awkward, then you could give it one more shot...meet his eyes, smile warmly at him, touch his arm and ask, "How are you?"

posted June 29, 2009 11:54 PM         

The most important thing is to go with your own intuition!

EDITED to ADD: In my case, with all my water influence (Cancer Moon, Saturn, Venus; 8th house solar stellium), fear of rejection really freezes me up and clouds my intuition...you may get your intuition/courage back if you really open your heart and are warm and friendly...that does not risk rejection. Knowing I am frozen from shyness keeps me from being able to empathetically read people the way I normally do. I feel like rejection will hurt me, but what REALLY hurts me is worrying that I have wounded the guy with my coldness or shyness...if I am able to open up and be warm and genuine, then I can know what's really going on and not worry that I am the problem. As a Scorpio, you will be able to feel the truth of the situation right away if you can just be true to yourself in your actions, so practice that with this guy.

Also--and please take this with a grain of salt, I am a watery 8th house Leo, not a real Scorpian, so my problems may not be yours--when I'm so into someone that I get shy, I tend to obsessively look for reassurance of signs that he likes me. The last guy who actually DID like me helped cure me of this habit, because when he let me know how he felt I got totally freaked and overwhelmed.

If you have been romantically hurt recently (I was still ending a long-term relationship and hadn't been single in a million years), all of this will feel tender emotionally. Knowing that you are truly embodying your own feelings (vibing real warmth and attraction toward this guy when you see him, you don't even have to make some overt move) will sooth you.

It offers temporary solace to go on some website and hear, "Oh yeah, that's a sign that he's crazy about you!" But it's a solace like skipping a party because you feel too shy to go...it doesn't really address the problem, and if you are at all obsessive (I am), it can bring you further away from open-hearted, real contact with the guy. In my case I am working hard to learn to act in a way that's true to my feelings--being warm and friendly to a guy I am attracted to, say--and then trusting that he will let me know how he feels OR my intuition, unclouded by terror, will let me know how he feels.

Agh sorry to write a novel. I'm just in the throes of figuring all this out, so take my advice lightly !

posted June 30, 2009 12:49 AM         

I guess this is the detail I left out - he used to be my professor. He tried to get to know me during the semester but I pulled back because he was my professor. He was so emotional and I could feel his emotions bouncing off of me whilst he lectured. At this point, he is not my professor anymore and I feel as though he should have done something concrete to reassure me that he is not playing games. Or is he trying to process everything, etc?

Outside of class, we have exchanged e-mails and he responds at an alarmingly quick rate albeit politely. I try not to read too much into that but I just feel so frustrated.

posted June 30, 2009 01:10 AM         

I maintain:

-get your own vibes in order so that you run into him, you are exuding a vibe from your chest that says, "I like you and want to get to know you" instead of a vibe that says, "eek, I'm scared, nervous, uncomfortable!" As as fellow water sign, he is probably picking right up on your nerves/discomfort and mirroring them right back

-look right into his eyes, smile warmly at him, and say, "Hi, how have you been?" Even if it feels weird and even if he is acting weird--saying Hi to a former prof and having a casual conversation is NOT WEIRD! Saying hi, how are you to anyone is okay...it seems like a small thing, but I've been amazed since I started doing this at how people respond.

And then exude warm vibes while REALLY LISTENING to his response, rather than worrying what he thinks of you.

-after you get to the point where you can be reliably warm, comfortable, friendly, and natural toward him, THEN you can consider a next move to make...

Turning outside yourself for advice and/or obsessing can be a sign that even though you think you are really into the guy...no, even though you ARE really into the guy...you aren't actually ready in real life to truly connect with someone new yet, probably because of hurt from the last relationship. Another sign is if you are obsessing/agonizing about the connection more than you are just enjoying it.

posted July 02, 2009 08:23 AM         

Sometimes I get comments such as -- you have such child like looks and at other times it sends a chill down the others spine and their body jerks . Thats when I move my eye slightly away