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Author
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Topic: If you love someone and they don't love you back....
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listenstotrees
Knowflake Posts: 307
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 08:50 AM
 
....in the same way,
is it a good or bad idea to still be their friend?
Or does that make it more difficult?IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 68
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 11:21 AM
Depends on whether or not you can truly set your feelings aside and respect the reality of the situation. I doubt that many could do this without some time alone to process it.  IP: Logged |
Lucia23
Knowflake Posts: 407
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 12:30 PM
It depends on your personality.In my case, I could never "respect the reality of the situation"--to me that implies that there is a fixed reality to human emotions. The idea that nothing I could ever do, nothing that could happen between us, nothing about my mind or my heart or my lips or my face or my feminine body would inflame a man into lust/love/adoration, when I felt those things for him, would make me really really resent him...it's only okay for my friends not to be in love with me when I'm not in love with them either! But then I am a Leo. I am not able to help seeing a romantic rejection as someone looking at, seeing, feeling, knowing me and turning me away. I think those people who don't take rejection personally are kind of nuts. What could be more intimate or personal? I have only felt unrequited love/infatuation once, and I found it very deeply wounding and transforming in a bad way. I can imagine that many people have different temperments in regards to this issue. IP: Logged |
pire
Knowflake Posts: 216
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 02:24 PM
It depends on each situation i think. What do you mean by good or bad idea? ...Good for who,
and bad for who?
Good idea in what sense?
And bad, in what sense? This are real questions, not rethorical. Myself, im in a situation of unrequited love, To be brief!
So i ve been wondering the same. Many things make each situation special, it is difficult to give a clear answer. Perso, for my situation, i finally decided... ... To be continued, my neighboor just rang the bell 
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Yin
Knowflake Posts: 267
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 02:48 PM
It's a bad idea.
They will keep coming back to you for your love and adoration (a little thing called ego) and leave you feeling empty because they cannot reciprocate in a way you want them to.
I punished myself like this for quite some time.
But we are all broken in one way or another and we'll do just about anything to "fix" it even if it's pure torture.I feel for you, LTT. May God grant you the strength you need to deal with this! I started praying recently. It gives me peace. Maybe it will help you too... IP: Logged |
downtomars
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 03:02 PM
I agree with what has been written so far – it really does depend on your personality and chart even. I am also a Leo (like Lucia) but, I have Mercury, Jupiter and Venus in Leo (7th house) but I have an Aquarius rising and Moon in Libra (9th house). I haven’t really had unrequited love situations mainly because I act on it (Mars in Gemini, 5th house) and if the feelings are not mutual then I realize that, maybe I’m not his type or there isn’t chemistry there and the feeling is over. I mean I have a type and if someone who is not my type hits on me then I will not be interested, but we can be friends and I don’t have a problem with that. (I am also lacking in the water element and heavy on the fire and air, as someone reminded me earlier today, so I don’t get that emotional, I just act and get logical). That was back in the day though, the teens and early 20s. When I look back, I am glad that those guys weren’t interested because they were so wrong for me, I was just blinded by, I really don’t know (Moon square Venus – going after the wrong men)! I let the men come to me nowadays – lol (embracing my Moon Trine Mars – the right men going for me)!Love is two-sided; if one person is not in love then it is infatuation. The problems come in when the infatuated party thinks the feelings will change. We can’t control how other people feel, it’s just not possible. If you realize this, then you can be friends, if not then maybe don’t get involved at all. It is not worth it to be sad and see them dating other people, it’ll just make you feel down and lead to negativity. Or, if they are the bad guy/girl, they will string you along. Are you prepared for these possibilities? Just remember that everything happens for a reason. Who knows – if you remain friends (if it is a good person) then maybe he has another friend you could meet or if you don’t remain friends you could find out that someone has been waiting for you to see them in another light all along. Always be the eternal optimist when it comes to love!
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pire
Knowflake Posts: 216
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2009 07:44 PM
Sorry about that, i finished diner now... Well, i like downtomars' "grounded" but optimist comments! I looked on google quickly and found this other forum's page which i did find very interesting. Anyway, about me and my situation. I must confess that every day i think that i want to be his friend no matter if he's in another relationship, like now. I think i can handle it. Until it dawns on me that we're never gonna be a couple and that im lying to myself. So i realise that im not
ready to be just friends, and to transform my desire for him in a platonic complicity. May be if i was able to do that, to tolerate that someone else brings him the happiness that i cant, then i would really start to love him. But this is theory, and i will forget when i see him. But with some effort, and some help from my *friend*, i could transform lead into gold. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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