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Author Topic:   torn up over my sag ex. advice?
hopelessromantic
Knowflake

Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jul 2009

posted August 05, 2009 07:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hopelessromantic     Edit/Delete Message
Hi everyone. I haven't been on this site in 3 years, but it's good to see some of the older members.
I guess this is just like a half-rant but I dunno what to do about my Sag ex. We were together for four years and just recently ended things. He's said he wanted to break things off in the past but quickly changes his mind and goes back to "normal" I guess. This time he moved out quite abruptly because we'd fought over him wanting us to live with his friends. Well after living with said friends a week, they got deported and he came back saying he needed a place to stay and would temporarily cover my rent, food costs, etc.
I know we are not together anymore but it just seems we got stuck in a rut. He's said he doesn't want a relationship but I see him talking to other girls sometimes and it hurts. Ever since we split, I've been trying to make plans to better my life and it's like he's my best friend again despite how much he's hurt me in the past. He tells me all the time even though we are not together how he is proud of me how I am the one person that has always been there for him. I'm not concerned so much about getting back together as I am trying to go in the Army, but more recently I feel ashamed to admit that I have been intimate with him since we split. And it's better than it ever has been when we together. It's not so much like I'm being used because it's mutual, but I don't know. it's awesome and yet I feel drained sometimes. He's the only guy I've been with so its not like I'm promiscuous but I kind of feel like I have no respect for myself.
Does anyone have insight into this cos I'm really torn up over everything Here is our birth info if anyone wants to scope it out it would be greatly appreciated

Mine: sept 6 1986 7:04am san antonio, tx

His: dec. 13 1985 11:55pm redding, ca

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LetsDance
Knowflake

Posts: 33
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted August 05, 2009 08:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
"he came back saying he needed a place to stay and would temporarily cover my rent, food costs, etc."

I know we are not together anymore ... He's said he doesn't want a relationship but I see him talking to other girls sometimes and it hurts..."

hopelessRomantic, ((hugs)) to you. I think your ex needs to move out. Your current setup is just too good for him, in my opinion. If he can pay your rent, he can pay his own. You need your space from him so you can get on with your life.

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Unmoved
Moderator

Posts: 496
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted August 05, 2009 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
Let's Dance said it very well...

quote:
If he can pay your rent, he can pay his own.

hopelessromantic... he shouldn't put you through this if he cared. He should leave you alone if he wanted to be break up. He is not being a very nice person by playing with your emotions like that.

{{{{hugs}}}}

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AscTaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 44
From: Pretoria, Gauteng,South Africa
Registered: May 2009

posted August 06, 2009 06:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AscTaurus     Edit/Delete Message
How do you "feel" for this guy?

I get the impression that you are "trying" to move on from this relationship and yet when has anyone "tried" to pick up a chair; not top pick it up, but "try".

Here is what I notice; the guy seems like an opportunistic person becaus if he cared for you as intensely as you care for him, he wouldn't have even considered moving in with you(doesn't he have friends?)

We never have someone whom we have loved and lost move in as if nothing happened.

It seems to me that you do love him. Admit your feelings to him and allow yourself to be vulnerable, allow yourself to be jealous and hurt by what he does, allow yourself to give it another shot(if he is willing) .....coz once you do move on, you'll know that its for sure and not another "try".

Establisihing distance between someone you love and yourself doesn't make the love disappear, it just makes it dormant.

all the best

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MsCandeh
Knowflake

Posts: 75
From: Australia
Registered: Jul 2009

posted August 08, 2009 08:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsCandeh     Edit/Delete Message
Just wanted to give you a (((HUG)))

I'm going thru a similar thing with my ex at the moment so you have my utmost sympathy...

It's not fair for him to play with your emotions like that, yet I know it's hard to tell him to stop contacting because you still feel for him ...

Be strong... there are puh-lenty more fish in the sea. It'll happen when you least expect it... just try and focus your energies towards making your life positive and more fulfilling for yourself .. plan and make goals... when the stars are aligned right and you are feeling good about yourself again you will be surprised what and who you attract into your life

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Lucia23
Knowflake

Posts: 964
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 10, 2009 05:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Awww, I don't know what to advise you, but I wanted to share one thought.

Just because people put a label on a relationship ("together" "broken up" etc) doesn't mean the relationship suddenly fits that label. You two sound very connected, and just because you officially broke up doesn't mean that connection suddenly dissolves.

What you want matters. Do you want to be together with him as a committed couple? If you do, say so. He might be interested in trying again. It sounds like both of you have complicated feelings, and like you are friends, so having a lot of honest, open discussion about this with each other may help. Why did he want to break up? Was it because he wanted a general feeling of freedom, and/or to explore intimacy with others? It was not because he wanted you less in his life, because here he is, living with you, feeling "proud" of you, and still very attracted to you. Maybe you can work out new terms for your connection that would make you both happy. Or, you can get clearer on what you both really want, and make a decision that will help you feel less torn up.

Try to work with the truth of your connection rather than labels you might put on it.

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hopelessromantic
Knowflake

Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jul 2009

posted August 11, 2009 06:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hopelessromantic     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks so much for the hugs and advice I am trying to deal the best I can and all I can do is take it one step at a time.

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