posted November 01, 2009 06:32 PM         

I have difficulty separating my emotions from my sexual desires. I have wondered whether I should try, since falling in love has only led to great dissapointment and pain, and such a deep pain that I think it best to avoid to try and find some calm of mind....for once.

But I thought to myself, if I did manage to separate my emotions from my lustful desires, then I would probably loose/ detach myself from some qualities in myself which are good....to be specific....sensitivity....a sense of romance....a very open heart chakra. If I am to be close to someone, I would rather be really, really close to him.

A great many people in our world it seems are at odds with their sexuality. They have been taught to be ashamed of it, and this is probably why there is a great chasm in the consciousness of many people in the world, relationship-wise, between love and sex.

So I guess I'll just have to try and be celibate until I find the right man.
I'm just scared I'll be waiting until I'm 90.
I have always found that after about 6 months, staying celibate seems to get more difficult.
Rushed relationships leave an uncomfortable aftertaste.
Or loveless sex leaves my soul aching and empty.

So maybe religious teachers, etc were right in some ways....sex does need to be respected....but the whole idea of it being dirty....maybe it was misinterpreted causing repression (resulting in violence and other undesirable behavior)...amongst other things.....The whole idea of waiting until marriage only results in people rushing to marry....fixed situations can cause a stagnation in a person's growth, resentment, frustration....so I don't feel this is the route to go either; people are meant to be together for a "season" sometimes; grow; move on.....

It seems sex....the very thing that brought us to life and all things to life....is something we know so little about (considering all there is to be understood) ...even after having being around on this planet for so long.......

Ah.

And I don't, I don't know for sure if anyone can say what is right and what is wrong.

posted November 01, 2009 06:45 PM         

I love so many different people in so many different ways. Some of those people/those kinds of love would not be right to express in physical/sexual intimacy....but some would.

I haven't had a whole lot of sexual partners, but I've had passionate sexual flings with men I wouldn't want to try to merge my daily life with. It doesn't mean there wasn't love between us. The sex wasn't empty of LOVE at all, it was just empty the urge to live together, share expenses, announce a commitment to our family and friends, pay taxes together...

I don't think we are limited to only one kind of love with only one person, and therefore to avoid that yucky empty-sex feeling (which, I agree, NOT what I'm looking for, not what most people are looking for) we have to be celibate until we find that ONE person. I think we can have fulfilling intimacy--whether sexual, spiritual, emotional, creative, intellectual--with many different people over a lifetime, and we can love all of them very much.

posted November 01, 2009 06:57 PM         

Could my problem then be perhaps an obsessive nature?
Is that why its gets too deep?

posted November 01, 2009 09:00 PM         

In your case, it sounds like you're a romantic! Not obsessive in the yucky way I get. Which is great, but maybe you could experiment with letting go of the following ideas:

-that certain things in life are Fated, Predestined, Meant-to-Be...instead, consider the world's infinite, wonderful possibilities as a miracle

-that there's only One Person for every other person (again because it's somehow fated)

I think the Twin Flame thing can be sooo harmful. It implies that you're split in two, and only half a soul without the other person--very medieval and, I think, dumb. That's how desperate obsession feels, not the joy of love.

Instead, think that you, your life, your soul are fully complete, and you have the (very romantic) opportunity to intimately connect with many other wonderful people, who also have complete lives and souls. You inspire, thrill, and delight each other, and enhance each other's lives, but you do not COMPLETE each other--because you are already whole.

posted November 03, 2009 05:33 AM         

I hear you, I mean I know what your saying. I too am a romantic by nature.

I think having preconceived notions goes along way toward disillusionment in relationships.

Where do they come from, these notions?

I suppose; movies, books, culture.

But really, what makes us feel cheated if a partner doesn't, say, go all out for Valentines Day. Or maybe he doesn't say the "right" words at the right time.

Doesn't mean they don't love us, in fact, they may love us very much, only we can't see it, because we keep searching for that sunset and candle kind of love.

The older I get (I'm 42) the more I understand the concept of different kinds of love and how sex and love co-exist in relationships.

Have you ever considered having a sexual relationship with a good friend? That would not leave you with that yucky, empty, feeling, since if he's a good friend, you probably already love him. And who knows??

posted December 19, 2009 03:28 AM         

When we rationalize our behavior we do it from a particular point of view at a particular time in our lives. As we grow our views change and so do our values. When this happens, what we once rationalized will then seem ridiculous.

Having sex with a "Good Friend" will lead to regret when and shame if you ever evolve to a higher level of awareness. Sex is best when it happens as a result of the unity achieved through spiritual union. This takes work and sacrifice. Most people never reach this point in life and so settle for base sensuality. Of course, this leaves no mystery to why 50% of all marriages end in divorce and so many children grow up in a single parent home. This is damaging to the family structure.

Sexual pursuits driven by the desire for sexual gratification alone are selfish and self-destructive. It may be beneficial to your ego, but it only serves to inhibit your spiritual growth and soul development so that true and authentic love can be both expressed by you and experienced from the other to you. True love is always a trinity between the two individuals and God.

To some this may seem silly and unrealistic, but I assure you, it is more real than you can imagine at the moment. We two people are designed in complementary ways to one another amazing things begin to occur between them before there will be any sexual union. The synchronicity and telepathy spoken about between soul mates and twin flames is not a myth, it is a FACT! Those who have been fortunate enough to experience this phenomenon can verify what I am saying. I, myself, did not believe in the possibility of it until the impossible became possible before my very eyes repeatedly over the course of two years. Even seeing it for myself, at first, I denied it. It is the sort of thing that is difficult to wrap your mind around at first, but eventually one will have to concede and admit that much of what you thought and believed about yourself, about love and about life was ill-informed. There is a great deal going on that what we can view with our two eyes.

I say that the greatest thing you can do in regards to love is to develop a strong appreciation for the truth because the two go hand in hand. If you are not true, sincere and honest, you will never know love. Conversely, if you can accomplish this, then you will see everything I have just spoke of for yourself. I guarantee it! As Morpheus says "Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself." So it is with True Love!

posted December 19, 2009 03:31 AM         

When we rationalize our behavior we do it from a particular point of view at a particular time in our lives. As we grow our views change and so do our values. When this happens, what we once rationalized will then seem ridiculous.

Having sex with a "Good Friend" will lead to regret when and shame if you ever evolve to a higher level of awareness. Sex is best when it happens as a result of the unity achieved through spiritual union. This takes work and sacrifice. Most people never reach this point in life and so settle for base sensuality. Of course, this leaves no mystery to why 50% of all marriages end in divorce and so many children grow up in a single parent home. This is damaging to the family structure.

Sexual pursuits driven by the desire for sexual gratification alone are selfish and self-destructive. It may be beneficial to your ego, but it only serves to inhibit your spiritual growth and soul development so that true and authentic love can be both expressed by you and experienced from the other to you. True love is always a trinity between the two individuals and God.

To some this may seem silly and unrealistic, but I assure you, it is more real than you can imagine at the moment. We two people are designed in complementary ways to one another amazing things begin to occur between them before there will be any sexual union. The synchronicity and telepathy spoken about between soul mates and twin flames is not a myth, it is a FACT! Those who have been fortunate enough to experience this phenomenon can verify what I am saying. I, myself, did not believe in the possibility of it until the impossible became possible before my very eyes repeatedly over the course of two years. Even seeing it for myself, at first, I denied it. It is the sort of thing that is difficult to wrap your mind around at first, but eventually one will have to concede and admit that much of what you thought and believed about yourself, about love and about life was ill-informed. There is a great deal going on that what we can view with our two eyes.

I say that the greatest thing you can do in regards to love is to develop a strong appreciation for the truth because the two go hand in hand. If you are not true, sincere and honest, you will never know love. Conversely, if you can accomplish this, then you will see everything I have just spoke of for yourself. I guarantee it! As Morpheus says "Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself." So it is with True Love!

posted December 23, 2009 09:55 AM         

quote:

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True love is always a trinity between the two individuals and God.

---

Yes!