posted November 12, 2009 11:52 AM         

A particular girlfriend of mine never appears in my dreams except once.

I had a dream in which I am trying to contact her via a device (something that looked similar to a cell phone but more than that) and I get the message stating that I cannot access her in this area, that she is out of reach.

The interpretation of the dream is simple. Essentially I am being told "She won't appear here in the astral realms. She is out of reach. You won't access her astrally."

My doubts are: Why this Gemini girl keeps distance from me? And the distance is very deep, she does not appear even astrally.

When I proposed she said a fierce No. The last time I called she basically said "Please don't call me". Recently she removed me from her Orkut friends list also.

I was hurt by her actions and let her know that, but she would not explain not even in email. She does not want me to call her.

What is going on here? And what can I do about it? Is there some uncanny spiritual side to all of this?

(
Incidentally I sent her a message:

U r 1ly a phone call away
When I think of it my heart s sinking
Want to reach and hear ur voice.
But I won't call. I won't. I won't.

I thought it would make a good verse.

)

posted November 17, 2009 01:49 PM         

I sent her an email inviting her to become friends once again. She ignored that also.

Finally I sent her a message stating just two words: Get Lost.

I am in full rage.

I have put her photo on the desktop and keep staring at her face. Today I think I saw her at a movie theater. It must be her. She didn't seem to recognize me. Then it may not be her. I really don't know. But I saw an instant of surprise in her face.

Then she disappeared along with the other friends. I wondered where they would have gone and went to a nearby movie theater. After sometime I saw her there too again. She also noticed me but again pretended not to have noticed me.

I had been very honest with her in fact too honest. I have sent her emails telling me I had past love failures, scars that may not heal. She did not reply to them. She only told on the phone "What kind of messages are these!". Her heart was melting through my messages but she did not want to reveal it and wanted to discourage me - may be this is just a Taurean rationalization.

I did not try any clever tricks to cajol her into accepting me. This is a thing she respects about me. In fact she respects me, but keeps ignoring me deliberately.

She came only one time in my dream and that one dream told a lot about our relationship.

I was in a crowd and someone was telling about me about my self doubt and then I started to look around for my sister, I had a feeling my sister was around and suddenly out of the blue I saw her standing there at a distance staring at me with a certain expression in her face. That part of the dream alone I have to omit here. The expression in her face I mean.

The clue is this:There was a crowd.

If someone would deliberately hold them back at even deeper levels, deliberately hold themselves even from friendship there must be a deeper soul level agreement to do that.

I thought of a verse when writing this

Wait until I say Yes
I said
You waited and waited for eons
And never asked me how long to wait

And you forgot that you were waiting

posted November 20, 2009 09:51 PM         

There is no way that you are on this earth and have so much to share that you will not have someone to share that with. Don't compromise. It is coming. It is truly trying to find you as well.