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Author Topic:   Are you afraid to get close to someone?
Cheshire Kat
Knowflake

Posts: 403
From: Wonderland
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 16, 2009 04:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cheshire Kat     Edit/Delete Message
Theres someone that I kinda like right now and were good friends but I am scared to get close to this person.

I don't consider myself a people person by any means or very open, I've been told I have a bad habit of pushing people away.

..But I want to change that, I want to be able to, you know get close to someone without freaking out or freaking them out because Im freaking out lol.

Any advice, stories, suggestions..Im all ears.

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armychic91
Knowflake

Posts: 9
From: wiesbaden, ge
Registered: Nov 2009

posted November 16, 2009 04:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for armychic91     Edit/Delete Message
You have to give it a try. I know it may be a daunting task, but it is worth it. Open up to people and you never know what you can feel and discover within yourself. I ruined my relationship by being too insecure to let him love me. Don't do that to yourself. Live life to the fullest.

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LetsDance
Knowflake

Posts: 59
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted November 17, 2009 01:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
Cheshire Kat, hmmmm. That can be tough, you know? Does the other person only see you as a "friend" or are you getting a vibe that they want to take your relationship in a different direction? I'm assuming when you say you "like" them, you mean romantically, right?

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 200
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted November 21, 2009 03:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
dear cheshire kat,

i think first of all what you're doing, even the act of thinking to try to change and try to get close to someone, i mean it all starts with that one step of trying to change and that's great. it's like you acknowledge the issue you have and you want to try to change that.

i think with any fear we got, we gotta first be real about it and then make an effort to try to turn things around. from there on in, it's all on you to continue making the effort and to try to change. overcoming fears or making change is tough. all i have to say is great for you for acknowledging this issue and for wanting to try to change.

as well, just know that everyone gets scared and everyone gets hurt. there's nothing wrong you can do if you're honest with yourself and you just take the time to go with the flow with things.

good luck

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Master_Zeromus
Knowflake

Posts: 47
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Registered: Jul 2009

posted December 08, 2009 01:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Master_Zeromus     Edit/Delete Message
I hope that you can change because I can't. My pride is too enormous to let myself flow and take help from others. There are so many backstabbers and enemies out there that you could hardly figure out who's friend and who's not. Then there's the princibal issue. Should I compromise because I know to be right and the other wrong? Or take the help from others even if I know it to be not enough for ME?

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yuajah
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: toronto
Registered: Dec 2009

posted January 05, 2010 12:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yuajah     Edit/Delete Message
thank you for your honesty in asking this question. I too have the same problem from being hurt in the past. however I am learing that doing something in your own life that you are proud of, can give you the confidence to get to know people without expectations and without fear which is what will draw others to you. so find something that you do well, work at it a little bit each day, and your confidence will grow. Dont allow fear from stopping you from experienceing happiness, fun, freedom and joy of letting go, being in the moment and not worrying what others will be thinking of you in the future. for some tips according to your zodiac sign...you can check out my web site and scroll down to the part where it says some things this zodiac could work on...i hope are not a cancerian cause that page is not ready. lol www.12zodiacsignspersonalitytraits.com/personality_traits

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Earthygirl
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: NeptuneScorpio
Registered: Jan 2010

posted January 05, 2010 03:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Earthygirl     Edit/Delete Message
That sounds like Saturn!! I need you I want you. I'm scared.

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a taurean poet
Knowflake

Posts: 16
From: India
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 05, 2010 11:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for a taurean poet     Edit/Delete Message
Well, I used to be all reticent some time ago. Not talking to anyone and all that. But then I transformed into an obsessive talkative guy. LOL

You can just slowly "initiate" yourself in a friendship and give it time. [Just remembered: When I was very young - like in my tens - I kind'a used to hold this attitude that a friendship is bolstered only when some freaky secret is shared - or the friendship is never "consummated". LOL]

Friendships b/w like-minded ppl just happen "naturally" when such ppl luckily meet.

But the real trick is to be respectable and cultivate a kind of attitude, respect and friendship with one's own self that every one is a friend but none count you in too much:
"If all men count with you but none too much." - Kipling, "IF"

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Crabclaw
Knowflake

Posts: 17
From: Los Angeles
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 05, 2010 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Crabclaw     Edit/Delete Message
Sometimes I don't think you can change the way you are unless something life threatening comes up. If your afraid to get closer to this person because you don't want to lose their friendship well than that is a shame. I say you ask him little stupid questions like playing around questions like would you ever consider me girlfriend type and something like that. You say you drive people away that's ok not everyone is going to like you. But if you find that happening more often than you would like your going to have to learn to meet other peoples needs. Like it or not. I don't mean change yourself but a least try to please the other as much a possible. Hope this helps some. Good luck.

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Cheshire Kat
Knowflake

Posts: 403
From: Wonderland
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 07, 2010 03:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cheshire Kat     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you for the replies, well I did close to the person, only to find out that we could not be together because she is not comfortable with her parents knowing about her sexuality just yet and I am not going to force the issue.

I am happy yet sad, I am happy that I gave it a shot even if I was hurt in the end, I feel with this situation I learned a little about myself.

Oh and for the "Saturn" comment, yes I am very Saturn, I have Saturn in Aqaurius in the first house which is my chart ruler (Capricorn Rising), distant should be my middle name lol.

Crabclaw- You've made a good point I should not change myself for others but I do need to change for myself though, to be a better person.

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Cheshire Kat
Knowflake

Posts: 403
From: Wonderland
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 07, 2010 03:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cheshire Kat     Edit/Delete Message
yuajah- Thank you for your encouragement and while in in college, I am going to try a little each day and I faved your website.

I will reply to the rest tomorrow.^.^

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Diana
Knowflake

Posts: 1124
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted January 07, 2010 05:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Diana     Edit/Delete Message
No, I am not, because it's part of the experience. Most people are afraid to get close to someone, because they're afraid to get hurt, but you can still get hurt if you keep someone at arm's length. In fact, you can get hurt easier that way because you'll always regret not giving your all to the other person and being authentic with them, so the experience will all be in vain. And if you don't let someone in they will never know the real you, they will realize you're being dishonest with them and will also pull away.

If you can't let someone get close to you then you're not ready for a real relationship. Any relationship you have will just be a shell.

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