posted January 03, 2010 06:20 PM         

Thank you hunny. I know you've been through a lot with your jerky ex too. I remember reading all about that. So I know you've been there. It does hurt a lot. I'm starting to think he feels empty inside and uses his relationships with women as some form of validation which might be why he's not content with just one relationship and can't be faithful (emotionally/physically). He definitely thrives on the attention from women.

The funny thing is, he can't stand to be rejected or ignored. Tomorrow is going to be a big test...he doesn't have internet access on the weekends, so it will be the big firestorm of his reactions to being deleted from Facebook, the things I wrote to him, etc. He will probably get very nasty (or very contrite, one or the other) and is very likely to try to contact me. Or, maybe not. I'm not sure. I really have to try very hard not to have a setback with the tiny bit of progress I've made the last 3 days. If those wounds get reopened again...I don't know. Honestly, part of me will be disappointed if he doesn't contact me. I want to lash out at him. But I know that's not healthy.

Raymond

Thank you sweetie. Your words mean more than you know. I value your advice tremendously, especially since I know you are a good guy and not a dog. I know you have a waited a long time for the ideal mate, so you're the model of patience. If you can wait, so can I. Thank you for your support. I have some thoughts to contribute to your angel thread that I'll add when I get a chance.

posted January 03, 2010 10:53 PM         

In the past he has worn me down. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his name on my phone, even though I changed his text name to "Lying Cheating A$$hole". Like I said, I wish I could block his texts.

I am so angry with him. I really do hate him. So, that being said, I hate that part of me that craves his attention.

Major setback.

posted January 04, 2010 12:24 AM         

***speaking of...I always heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone (insert laughing smiley here) NOT my advice, but just a little joke to lighten the mood.

posted January 04, 2010 03:32 PM         

Sigh. Update pending, need to study and take a couple of exams then I'll be back later tonight.

Suffice it to say, he didn't take my cutting him off well. He has a flair for the dramatic. Surprised he doesn't have more Leo in his chart.

posted January 04, 2010 10:07 PM         

His reaction to me deleting him from my FB and telling him never to contact me again was to post several status updates throughout the day:

Sad/Religious: "I know with God's Help I'll Make it Through"

Mad: "A Wise Man Told Me To Never Argue With a Fool...Things Aren't What They Seem From A Distance...Good Riddance"

Victim 1: "New Year Same Problems, Oh Well Gotta Make Lemonade Outta These Lemons"

Victim 2: "As Usual She Listens to Hearsay...As If I Don't Know all the Crap She Talked About Me...Like She's Innocent or Something...I Don't Need Her Love, I've Got Me"

Victim 3: (mad at my friend for "betraying him") "Tighten Up Your Circles Folks...You Never Know Which One of Your So Called Friends Will Sell You Down the River"

Cocky (in reaction to reading my tweets): "The Fool is still talking...You Gotta See Me Again...It's Inevitable...Might As Well Hash It Out and Get it Over With"

Sigh. He then proceeded to start a fight with my best friend, they went back and forth, her boyfriend ended up getting involved, and he backed down and said he wasn't really mad at her.

You would be proud, I maintained my composure and didn't respond to any of his baiting throughout the day. I had more important things to consider, as my interview went really well and I had to take my exams.

What's his problem? I thought Aquas were supposed to be these calm, cool collected creatures. Instead this shiza storm he created has me feeling very guilty for involving my other friends in this debacle and I just wish all the drama would go away.

The only good thing is that he has respected my wishes and not contacted me directly. I could block my Twitter so that he can't read it (since obviously he's getting a thrill from reading it as that's the only way he can keep tabs on me) but then I can't cultivate any new followers and I'm loathe to give him that kind of control over me.

If I stop looking at his page, my friends feel compelled to tell me everything he's saying so it's a big emotional mess. I go back to work tomorrow and feel less than up to the task. I really need a new start in all areas of my life: work, home, relationship.

What is unbelievable to me, is that he is blaming everyone BUT himself for this! I can't believe he is making himself a victim and everyone else the bad guy. That just burns me up. He has no sense of responsibility, he is never wrong. A true narcissist.

posted January 05, 2010 08:02 AM         

That is a good way to look at it. I always blame myself for everything, wondering what I did wrong. If I wasn't pretty enough, good in bed, better than HER, successful enough, funny enough, etc. I have been crying wondering if I was too boring, thinking of all the activities I could have done to keep him more entertained. His ex is a cheerleader and is always out and about socializing. I'm not a homebody but I'm not always out in the streets either because I have a child and can't always get a babysitter.

He has a child too but I have been feeling really bad that I couldn't go out as much as maybe he wanted to. I made everything all about him and all the ways I could please him and my self-esteem is just in the toilet.

posted January 07, 2010 05:48 PM         

I am having a very hard time with not having obsessive thoughts about my ex. I know this is mutual because we are driving our friends crazy. I don't want to speculate on what is going on with him because he is just mental and the whole situation is just not healthy, but my question is this:

Is this A) part of the normal "relationship addiction" process that goes on with a normal breakup B) part of the astrology of fixed signs (me having Venus in Scorpio and him perhaps being an Aquarius or some other characteristic of his chart) or C) some aspect of our charts together, perhaps the Saturn bonds?

For what it's worth, I have had other relationships where it was difficult for me to separate myself from someone, but what's unusual about this is that I (in effect) chose to end this relationship, it wasn't a sudden break as if he broke up with me. Usually an abrupt separation not of my own choosing is what causes me to cling but that's not the case here. Yet I'm having the "clinging" type of reaction--obsessive thoughts, etc.

And to be frank, I've come to the realization that as much as he's hurt me, I'm still very much in love with him. That doesn't make me happy, in fact it hurts a lot. Under no circumstances do I want to reunite but I still feel him in my heart and soul. I feel (and can see for myself if I spy on him online, very unhealthy I know) his reluctance to break these ties. All of his game playing (he's played many games these last couple of days), etc. are an effort to reestablish contact (we are still no contact) and fight my harsh Plutonic ending. To be fair, he probably wants better closure. I don't do closure very well. I kill things pretty rapidly and brutally, that's just my way.

So, to keep on topic, is this normal, this feeling of still having "ties", or is this some kind of soulmate/astrology crap?

posted February 07, 2010 10:27 AM         

take care please.

posted February 07, 2010 03:43 PM         

I have actually been concentrating a lot on my new job...if you didn't read my solar return thread on Astro, then you probably didn't know I got an awesome new job with a huge salary increase that I start in about a week. Yahoo! It's a big responsibility but I'm excited and it took the focus off the breakup.

That's the good news. The bad news is it requires me to relocate and we used to live about an hour away from each other and now I'll probably be living right down the street from him. Sigh.

Another update is that there's been an infinitesimally small thaw in our interactions, but of course being an Aqua, he now thinks we are best friends again. Which would be amusing to me if I wasn't still highly ****** . If before we were on opposite sides of the universe, we may now be in the same galaxy. He thinks we're on the same planet.

Either way, that's still a lot of ocean between us...he has made overtures that he would like to discuss some things in person with me. I'm not ready yet. He also offered to help me move. I declined, and reminded him that I had plenty of help from our other friends. I think his feelings were hurt, but whatever.

It's driving me crazy that I'm still drawn to someone who hurt me so badly. I really want that to go away. And the more I think about him, the closer he comes. I feel like I'm attracting him back into my life. ARGGGGGGGGG! I am consciously keeping him at a distance because he is not a healthy person for me to have around at the moment.

Very troubling. Other than that, life is very good. And I do feel better that I am not carrying around so much dark and hateful energy towards him.