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Author Topic:   Relationships
comica23
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posted January 19, 2010 05:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for comica23     Edit/Delete Message
So I've just watched "Serendipity", after this movie being mentioned here in LL. I had some faint memories of having watched parts of this movie in TV long time ago. But well, this might sound a bit weird, but I'm depressed after watching it. >_<

The main reason is related to the main characters' partners. This movie just makes me think - what about them?? What about their relationships with the main characters?? Were they of no meaning for the main characters at all?

Actually, sometimes I've thought about this - what if someday my partner finds someone with whom he has a much stronger bond with? So would he think about someone else while hugging or kissing me? And would I be blindly happy in his arms while not even knowing the truth behind his feelings?

Thinking about this somehow makes me have less faith in relationships in general.. Coz well, fate might bring two people together, but fate isn't what determines our choice - the importance we give to what we have is what determines our choices. So if we choose the other person, how important were our original partners?

Oh well.. I'm sorry about the rant. >_< But I just wonder what you all think about this issue.

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seeker3030
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Posts: 72
From: UK
Registered: Dec 2009

posted January 19, 2010 07:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for seeker3030     Edit/Delete Message
Hi comica
I've just watched it and whilst yes it's tremendously sad for the ex partners of the couple, it's also a relief and a good thing. It releases them to go and find their soul mates and enjoy the same transformational happiness that John and Sara find with each other. That's my take on it anyway. Personally, I wouldn't want to stay with someone who was in love with someone else - I wouldn't want them to stay with me out of pity, duty or any other altruistic notion. That would hurt far more than ending the relationship and moving on.


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GypseeWind
Moderator

Posts: 2434
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted January 20, 2010 12:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Comica;
This is one of my favorite movies, as I am a HUGE John Cusak fan.

IMHO, in movies like this, they make the partners as least likable as they can without it being totally unbelievable, that way, you are rooting for the original couple.

I mean, Lars, he was in love with himself!!
I don't think it took him long to get over it.
And, I can't remember the girlfriend of John Cusak's name, but she seemed kinda cold and maybe too much of a socialite for him. She was SOO into the wedding, it seemed to me she was just more into the wedding then she was into John's character.

I always thought Kate Beckinsale's frivilous behaviour in turning John's character loose so easily a bit unbelievable, but I guess if you were really into signs as much as she was, then that might be something you would do.

I always feel good when I watch this movie.

Have you ever seen 'The Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind'? That one is another really good destiny love story.

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comica23
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posted January 20, 2010 04:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for comica23     Edit/Delete Message
seeker3030, yeah I wouldn't want someone to stay with me just for staying too, that would be even more cruel.
I guess that I was a bit down that they didn't seem to care much for their previous partners, that maybe if there was a scenario or two in which the main characters worried about their partners or even confessed to them, then I would have been happier lol. XP But well, it's good that the main characters have found the person with whom they truly belong to.

GypseeWind, yeah both Lars and John's gf doesn't seem to really suit Sara and John. >_< It's actually a good thing that they have separated from each other to find better happiness (although it's still a bit unfair for the other two lol).
I will check that movie too soon. X3

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GypseeWind
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Posts: 2434
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted January 21, 2010 12:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
Well, I think there was a scene that was perhaps a turning point for Kate's character. (I haven't watched this movie in a few months, so going stickly on memory here) but do you remember the part where Kate wanted to discuss the wedding plans, and Lars kept watching himself on the video. He would start it and stop it, and sort of blew off the discussion. Then he wanted to change the wedding to conform around HIS schedule with his music.
You could see in Kate's eyes at that point the disappointment or maybe a disillusionment about the whole situation.
So, maybe they didn't use a scene like you discribed wanting...that of some sort of remorse for hurting the partner, but they did give us a side to the partner that would explain why someone would get disillusioned.

....and the thing is, being older, there comes a point where you sort of let go of alot of your ideals in a mate. We all see our mortality at some point in time, and suddenly, if a partner doesn't have X or Y traits, we begin to sort of settle for what we do find. Which, maybe as John and Kate aged, they ended up doing that, because time apart does make you forget the dream and possiblity of a person you once knew. You may think you will never find that again, so you take something that is at least comfortable, someone to which you have some compatibility.

To me, THAT is sadder, the settling. When your young you think you have endless chances, when you get older you see things in terms of time left.
I'm 43 and I find myself wondering at times, "is this my last chance?" Therefore accepting things that I may not have accepted 10 years ago, and I definetly would of NEVER accepted 20 years ago.

Which only serves to remind one how lucky we would be "if we only knew then what we know now."

LOL> sorry for the long post, I took some film classes in college, and I've never gotten over the habit of picking them apart to peices, I even take notes, I'm a dork and proud of it!!

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comica23
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Posts: 794
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posted January 21, 2010 01:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for comica23     Edit/Delete Message
GypseeWind, yeah I can remember those parts, and it showed how they lack of compatibility which leaded to disappointments.
I guess that I understand what you meant by settling down with what we can find, which is sad to think about. >_< After all, no one really wants to be alone, yet it's not easy to find someone with whom things works well.

Well, by time, I've realized that we can't really expect to meet someone to fit all of our expectations, as people are just humans (although keeping certain standards is important). The good side of this is that we would let go of those (teenage) idealizations and able to see other people as who they are and be more realistic about relationships, yet the down side of this might be that we sometimes lower our expectations to almost none when we have a harder time to find a partner, that we might end up with disappointing partners.

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DD
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posted January 22, 2010 05:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DD     Edit/Delete Message
Gypsy and Comica,

I agree with you.


"yet the down side of this might be that we sometimes lower our expectations to almost none when we have a harder time to find a partner, that we might end up with disappointing partners."

That is the reason I don`t have a partner. I guess I just could never "lower my expectations". I`m not proud of it, as it is not really a good thing, but I just seem to be unable to settle for something less than what I feel is the right thing. And will be the right thing for a long time to come.


being with someone, when I already can see the end and am not even convinced of my love for him, would feel to me like I was cheating on him.

I seem to be unable to make compromises in this regard, which makes things rather complicated.

But I blame my parents for this, who are still holding hands after over 35 years together.

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 112
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 23, 2010 06:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
NEVER lower your expectations. You are not being authentic to yourself and you will have a life of low grade resentment because this person will never be what you hoped against hope they would be.
Not their fault either.
I lowered the bar once.
It will never happen again

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DiandraReborn25
Knowflake

Posts: 906
From: Portugal
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 28, 2010 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DiandraReborn25     Edit/Delete Message
one of my favorites

i wacthed it again with jonnhy couple of weeks ago cause i wanted him to see what synchronicities are! hihihi

i know what you mean Comica but the thing is...

if they felt were meant to be together,and were in love,and thinking they were each other+s love of their Life...what else could they do?follow their hearts.

it is not selfish to do that by leaving the partners...it is instead a gift,it is the right thing to do,and it is generous at the same time.

Why?

Because the partners could be free of that relationship that was surely not meant to be happy,and fullfilling for them.

By following our heart,we are always striving for happiness,and we reach it!not only ours,but of others too.

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comica23
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posted January 28, 2010 05:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for comica23     Edit/Delete Message
Diandra, I agree with you, as it's better to break up than to stay in a relationship that is not meant to be. But what I felt sad about was that both Sara and John didn't seem to have cared for their previous partners, as if they never meant much for them. >_< One thing is not being meant to be together, but another thing is never even having meant anything for the other person.

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