posted January 31, 2010 09:52 AM
I had to take some time to think about this reply.
I guess there are 2 aspects, the astrological one (which I can't help with) and the practical one.
I could have written your post myself. It is exactly what I went through. We split 4 years ago, after an 18 year relationship, our daughter was 4 at the time. Prior to the split I spent 2-3 years with the same dilema as you raging within me.
We somehow managed to make the split amicable, I think we both felt the sense of having come to end of a road, and despite how scary it was, we each needed to find a new path. He would never have made this decision, but accepted the need for it to be made.
We tried our utmost to ensure there was no impact on our daughter, but there is no getting past the fact that losing a nuclear family would affect her, and in some way shape the person she is and will become. I don't know you, but you sound like your aim would be similar - to minimise the impact on your child. However, be under no illusion, you will always suffer a sense of guilt for the decision you make, and at times feel like the most selfish person on the planet.
I was in the lucky postion of being the primary earner in the household, and having an extended family close by. This enable me to maintain a stable and nuturing environment for my daughter. I think both the financial and childcare aspect are important considerations for you. I would not in any way suggest that you stay in this relationship because of these 2 difficulties, but if you and your partner can work with the same goals in mind this might be a solution?
I recognise the place you are in. I think you have made up your mind, but are too afraid say this, as then you have to do something about it, and then the train will be set in motion and you may not be able to stop it.
As regards the other party - please don't make the same mistake I did, and consider this person a future, a seamless link from your past. If it doesn't work out the way you wanted it could make one of the most traumatic periods of your life a whole lot worse. Put him to one side, at least for the next year.
With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that my 'other party' was merely the catalyst to make me see that my existing relationship was dead, and to give me the kick up the arse to do something about it. I wish I had recognised this at the time.
Noone can make this decision for you, or even offer advice on what you should do, but I am guessing you are beyond that? I think you just needed to say this out loud?
Maybe you should say it 'out loud' to your partner, it might help you see a way ahead?
I hope this helped x