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Author Topic:   money and love
stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 233
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted February 14, 2010 12:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
i just found out that a friend of mine's gf left him because she is confused. she's confused about whether to be with someone who loves her or someone who can provide a lot money for her. she's used to dating rich guys or millionaires and my friend is not a millionaire. she is now seeing a former bf who is a millionaire. he's paying for her new housing and all that.

however, i totally get how some people need to be with someone who is financially secure. i believe that it's your life and if you choose to marry rich guys or handsome men or whatever, it's all up to you.

i have a few friends who would never marry a man with debt. myself, i would only marry a man who was on the same professional level as me and prefer someone in my income range. i also prefer to marry a guy who was smart and went to school. i actually would not be able to handle being with a millionaire unless i was a millionaire myself. however, i can handle a man who had a higher educational level than me. does that sound weird?

what do you guys think?

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 122
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 14, 2010 12:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
My father always used to say
"When poverty comes through the door, love flies out the window"

I think it's very difficult to have a strong relationship if you have money issues.It's more about your attitudes to money.
If you are a saver and are hoping to improve your lifestyle, how can you possibly be happy with someone who blows the lot the minute they get it?
There will be continuous conflict.

It's not about whether or not you have money but whether or not you both feel about it the same way.

And for the record, one of the happiest times in my life was when I didn't have a bean and THE most miserable was when I married for financial security.
And I learnt a lesson that has never left me and never will.
The most important things you can have in life is a loving family and health.
Everything else is just stuff.

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GypseeWind
Moderator

Posts: 2636
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted February 14, 2010 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
Bunnies has it down.

I've always been poor (although educated, one of the perks of said poordom, free education) I've only dated and/or married people that were poor. Rich men are a huge turn off for me, seems like all they do is obsess about their money, boats, stocks, etc.

Also, they try and buy peoples affection, I've seen it in the bars where I've worked, and believe me, they can do it! The whole thing reeks of insincerity and it's blatantly obvious, and to me, an embaressment.

I don't hate people with money, I'm very happy for them. I just prefer to live very simply and not clutter my life with things that are not necessities.

You know my ex and I were so broke last summer, we would gather our change and walk to the convienence store and buy one of those uber cheap bottles of wine. Then we would carry it to the river, and sit there swigging it like a couple of bums. We'd skip stones across the water, make shapes out of clouds, and talk about our dreams.

I guess we could of done that in a four star restaurant, but it seems unlikely. I would be too distracted on the menu, and the fancy dressed folks, to concentrate on the simple beauty of my ex. Just my very humble opinion.

Money complicates. The lack of leads one to be very resourceful.

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 233
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted February 14, 2010 05:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
thanks for your replies bunnies and gypseewind,

in this person's case, she would prefer financial security. you know how people have dealbreakers in relationships, right? i'm guessing hers is she would prefer that the man be well off enough to take care of her.

my only criticism with this kind of thinking in this day and age is that now that women can work and go to school, if they are poor or considers themselves in a poor situation, then they should upgrade themselves and try to do it for themselves instead of having some guy do it for them.

she's one of those unfortunate "typical" girls who tries to use her looks to get what she wants as opposed to working for it. i was born extremely pretty too but i make my own money and i'd rather poke my eye out than have some man buy me things. i'd be embarrassed if that happened. i worked hard in school and at my work so now i have a career and make a comfortable living for myself.

she's one of those who must carry an LV bag and all that stuff that goes with that kind of a persona. she's a nice person but I guess...vain and shallow in that I need money kind of way. it's a shame really. i guess in general I don't like it when people are lazy and need someone to pay their way. It's like man or woman, man up and go to school and work hard if you wanna be rich. I have many rich people in my family and we all worked hard for it.

this isn't necessarily about a saver vs a nonsaver, however. it's more about whether or not what income you earn is enough to make someone feel secure. in their situation, they were living together and i can estimate that combined they had a household income of around 80k. it's like, seriously, is that not enough to live on?

i guess i just don't understand how someone can throw a great love away or gamble it away because they want more money. there's financial security but then there's just financial excess. i would respect these kinds of gold diggers or what have you more if they are just up front about it. if you feel more safe and sound with a millionaire then don't involve yourself with a "poor" man.

but i still contend that everyone who is able should work hard and make their own destiny and not depend on someone else to fulfill their needs and wants. ugh..i'm sorry..i just hate lazy, whiny people who don't do anything to help themselves.

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GypseeWind
Moderator

Posts: 2636
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted February 14, 2010 05:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
I know a girl like that. She's one of my best friends sisters. She was the baby, a change of life baby for her mom. So by that time, the family had some money, FROM their hard work.
Anyway, Kim, I'll call her, was sooooo spoiled. And she is another one who was born extraordinarily good looking. She would throw fits if she could not get whatever designer thing that was out. And she got her way, always.
When she got older, she would only date rich guys, wouldn't give a regular joe the time of day.
I remember a party we were at, where this gorgeous guy approached her to see if he could get her a drink. She eyed him up and down and said, "what do you do for a living?" He replied, "I am a police officer." She laughed in his face and said "No, I don't THINK so!" He walked away humiliated.
I hated it when she came into the bars I worked at. She never had her own money because she refused to work, so she would pick some unsuspecting male, act interested so he would buy her drinks all evening, then flounce out without even a goodbye. These men worked hard for their money, and blowing 50 on her expensive drinks really hurt their wallets. I know it's their own fault but....she can be so conivving.

Anyway, she started dating the manager of a basketball team, wont say which one, and he in his world of glitz and glamour, introduced her to cocaine.
She's done so much she weighs about 80 pounds and has a heart condition.

Guess where she is now? She lives in one of those rent by the week seedy motels. She's a pole dancer and spends all her money on crack.
Guess that Louis purse and diamond studs are long gone now.
Very sad. She's lost her children too.

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 233
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted February 14, 2010 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
hi gypseewind,

that's a scary story. i can understand someone wanting to be with someone in their income bracket or "class" level. i totally get that. but to go about it in that way...that's just unnecessary. there's a way to go about things in order not to humiliate or disrepect someone. fine if she doesn't want to date a police officer then don't. she can be polite at least. myself, i would never be involved with a police officer because i prefer to be with someone in the same professional realm as me (business or office-oriented).

my male friend described girls just like the "kim" you described at the bars and clubs he and his friends would go to. i used to think this kind of thing was just a stereotype and something you see on tv, but it's apparently true. he would tell me how girls would do all of that just so they can get free drinks. i was like, are you sure about that? it seems very hard for me to comprehend why someone would take advantage of someone. even if the guy is willing to pay for the drinks, for me it's more of a pride thing. why would i let a total stranger pay for my drink when i can afford it myself? my friend said you see lots of girls like that at the clubs. my parents didn't raise me like that; to take money from strangers. it's not right and proper behavior.

just like how i think females may feel insecure about not being pretty enough, i think i now get why i often read about or hear from male friends why they think they're not rich enough. there are some women out there where money is a deal breaker. it's very unfortunate. people should have pride in themselves and understand that they can do things for themselves. but then also, looks don't last forever.

that exgf or sort of gf of my friend's, she's in her 30's and obviously aging and it's like, you can't hang on the looks forever, lady. and the sad part is, the dude she's now sort of seeing, she left him because he cheated on her. but apparently money is more important so as long as he has the money still. i just can't fathom someone going back to an exbf after several years because she woke up one day and decided she needed money or "financial security."

my friend told me they would get into fights about money being tight. even that i don't understand. i was like, how can you two fight about money when it's you who makes most of it and pays for most of everything? she is in no position to fight if she earns little. that's just my logic. if you don't pay the rent, then don't whine.

like they talked about travelling last summer and they were going to where i was going. but the difference was, i could afford to go and they couldn't. i went and they didn't. i still don't believe how two people who earn combined almost as much as i do cannot afford to go on the same trip that i was going on. many families survive on a lot less. i guess i have no pity for gold diggers. it's like cry me a river, lady. when you're in your 30's and a grown adult and know how to read, time to help yourself.

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 122
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 15, 2010 03:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
Gypsee, I love the story about you and your ex.What better thing in life is to share time in a positive way?
When my children were both small I had absolutely no money.
But we had the loveliest life together.
The only thing I could give them was love and attention (we didn't even have a tv at one point)so we would go for walks and chat.
Every sporty activity I did I would take them with me.
They sat in the theatre and joined in rehearsals when I was in a play. We were all joined at the hip and it was joyous.

They are now two of the most wonderful human beings and always remember their childhood fondly. For me it was the best time.
Like I said, the rest is just stuff.

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stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 233
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted February 15, 2010 05:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
hi bunnies,

i think whether you have money or not, as long as your kids are happy, then it's all good the best thing is that you guys cared for your kids and taught them that you don't need money to have the greatest time ever.

but i think for these girls who need money more so than love in a relationship, i suspect that for them to feel safe and therefore feel happy, they need a large safety net or a huge buffer.

i wouldn't want to live hand to mouth either. i like knowing that whatever i want, i can just go out and buy it and not think about whether or not i can afford it. when a bill comes in, i write a cheque and take care of it myself immediately. i don't have to worry about money or debt. but that's because i worked hard throughout my life, even as a little kid, to understand how to earn money and save money and not waste it on unnecessary things. and best of all, if someone in my family needs money, i can give it to them freely.

i require financial stability to make me feel safe and sound, but i get that myself--not rely on a partnership to get it for me. i think the co-dependency part of it is what irks me the most about people like this. on top of their throwing away a great love because of all things money..that there just isn't enough of it...it's like can you not help yourself? can you not buckle down and learn how to save or go to school and upgrade your skills or have some ambition to do better?

i just hate lazy, co-dependent, stupid people--period. it's like you watch the olympics now and you see all of these kids going for the gold and they did it by hard work on their own. nobody is gonna hand them a gold medal because they're fit or good looking. why can't people have more of that kind of ambition?

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