posted March 29, 2010 09:43 PM         

What do these words mean?

I think it is an old cliche that went out with the disco era (or should have.)

To me somebody who says these words is copping out of something, maybe denial, maybe self-unawarness?

We have to "fall in" love to be in love, but the fantasy of being "inlove" I, do not think, can last for the length of any long-term relationship.

What do these words really mean and what kind of person says these kinds of words?

Love is love.

I love my cats, my home, my kids, my soul mate, all the same, it is the same love! Just expressed differently.

And, yes, I can surely remember falling inlove with all of my cats, my house, etc. but even that love changes, it matures and deepens. The passion is less, but the love is more "spiritual."

All comments appreciated.

posted March 29, 2010 10:46 PM         

I think it's very honest. It makes sense. I wouldn't want to hear it if I was in love with someone, but I'd rather hear that then have them lie to me.

posted March 29, 2010 10:52 PM         

but you can only be IN love with one person

posted March 30, 2010 01:20 AM         

My husband said them to me when he was seeing someone else. BUT, he then changed his mind later, and chalked the whole thing up to a mid-life crisis. IDK how to tell if it's a confusion thing, or really true!!
Either way, it hurt like hell, and nothing was ever the same (for me) afterwards.

I'm getting ready to say these words, for the same reason. Although, I don't feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis.
I just feel like the love I had for someone has morphed into a deep bond of friendship or something of almost a familial feel to it.
It's very difficult for some to be romantic with someone they just "love" but are not "in love with," myself included.

My heart goes out to you, sweetheart.

posted March 30, 2010 09:38 PM         

I am still pondering this one, still I think it can be used as some excuse or another...what is wrong with saying...

"I am not feeling like I used to for you, can we talk?"

"Is there something we can do to re-kindle the fire, get the fire back?"

And yes it was said to me, but after much contemplation, much research (into his physical condition), much meditation, much living within, me still thinks a cop-out, a phrase conveniently used...or atleast in my situation. By some one who can not bear....

And yes my interpretation of "love" is so, so Piscean....with a splash of Aqua...

Love is Love, can not be quantified, qualified, just felt,and given, freely, unconditionally.

blessings

posted March 30, 2010 09:54 PM         

In MY case, I don't want to say that, because, I don't want to talk, because I don't want to work it out, because I don't want to be with him, because I want to be with someone else.
So, see, that is why saying, "I'm not in love with you anymore," sort of shuts the door for further discussion, thereby freeing the person who says it.

But, I cannot speak for anyone but myself, and why I would/am saying it.

As far as quantifying/qualifying love, well, that is subjective, I would think.

The Pisces man that I am with told me the story of him and his ex.
He had two children with her, but they never married.
He was with her 18 years.
I said, "well, what happened? Did you cheat? Did she cheat? what?"
He said,
"Nope, I just woke up one mornin' and wasn't feelin' it anymore. And that was IT. I knew that I couldn't be with her after that."

posted March 30, 2010 10:18 PM         

I suppose I am just a fantasy-prone, over romantic soul at heart.

Like being lost, in a world of fantasy, and it bites me in the ass sometimes.

I respect your statements and really appreciate the input, it is good to get objective opinions.

But I have to say, I can re-member "falling in love" with my house, my kitties...and when the buzz of the first fasination was over and done with, the love is still there, but a higher love? And yes, I can truely say that the chemical buzz that I got from falling in love with something other than a man was real, very real!!!

And there is alot to be said about the chemical buzz of "falling in love." The endorphin buzz can not last forever.

Maybe this is the HUGE Aqua influence in me, maybe my broken heart, but still, I ponder and wonder.

blessings and love

t~~~

posted March 30, 2010 10:37 PM         

Maybe what I am trying to say, is I would never say this to someone due to the potential devestation factor.

(Pisces never want to hurt anybody, cause it hurts us, IF we hurt somebody, then some sadistic part of us wants to hurt ourselves too!)

We love inflicting self-pain.

I, might say, something like, my feelings have changed, I am not sure what is going on, I care for you, but something is amis..

And explore.

(but this would take a really long time)

IF I were to let someone go, and really wanted this person to move on I would not use the "L" word, just confuses the dumpee...

I would just say, "later" as I have done in the past. Funny, tho, the Pisces sticks through so much, thick and thin, when it finally is time....it is time...done.

Funny, too, the dumper is a Fish.

(tho I have been told he is doing it for me.) damn martyr thing some of us have going on...jesus surely was a Fish.

blessings again

posted March 31, 2010 12:54 AM         

No, endophins don't last forever. Even a drug user will tell you that, eventually the "high" goes to less and less amounts of time lasted, to no time at all. They just use to feel "normal."

but, I digress.

I am reminded of the 25 years spent with my husband. Almost 19 of them were married years. Yes, there were roller coaster times, unsure times, and he did what you said, hurt me unduly with statements that could of and should of been put another way, since he did eventually change his mind.

But, like I said everyone is different.
I remember things going bad with my first husband (very short 2 year marriage) Hippichick, the last time we had sex, I vomited on the side of the bed. I don't mean to be gross, but that is an example of the fact that my emotions would not let my body perform an act that they were simply not in accordance with.

Similarily, with my husband, even through years of his cheating, and my forgiving, I still had a "thing" about him. It was the smell of his forearms. Strange, I know, but you being the ethereal sort may understand the strange world of the senses. Anyway, through everything he did, if I grabbed his arm, and smelled that smell, I knew my heart was still with him.
It was always there.
This was not any type of cologne or anything, he smelled this way after working on a car all day with no shower.

My point is that, I knew something had shifted when I lifted his arm up to my nose around Christmas time and that smell was gone. This may sound completely insane, and forgive me if it does, but it's the only way I can give you an example of "just knowing."

I do also think Jesus was a fish, I always have, despite numerous differences of opinion.
An I also think that fish self-sacrafice to the detriment of others.
My fish daughter, now with a child and a wedding coming up, still talks to her Aqua ex, almost daily. I have tried to tell her this is confusing, and she needs to let go, but, she can't hurt him, she says.

Same with the Pisces guy I'm in love with.
His ex texts him every day, he says, (well they do share custody, so it's understandable) and he says, she ends every text with, "I love you Scotty." And he said to me, "I HATE it when a woman says she loves me when I don't love her, because it's painful to say that I don't, or to say nothing, so I just say, "yeah, you too."

To ME that is a mixed message, but I am not a Pisces and can't quite grasp all that entails, although I am trying very hard to do so.

If he says he is leaving you for your benefit, then he probably IS!! But, being mutable and so changable, I would wonder, if I were you, if this was just a temporary swim out to see, and then back to the warm safe waters of home??

IDK, Hippichick, he's your guy, only you know his habits and past.
But, if you love him, wait it out for awhile. That would be my advice.
I waited while my Pisces sorted through his feelings for an ex (not the one I mentioned) I listened in pain, while he described intimate details of their relationship.
I was 'Hanging By a Moment' to quote a Lifehouse song.
But, my persistance paid off, and he said that, that, he admired my drive and my never giving up on what I want.
So, what do YOU want??? Think it over, I mean, really, not just knee jerk reaction because the relationship is comforting and feels like home, but, do you still want it??

posted March 31, 2010 06:57 AM         

thank you for sharing, truely words of such immortal wisdom

posted March 31, 2010 08:18 AM         

When someone uses that statement they can mean.... I love that you are around, I value our experience together, I care for you and hold concern for you etc.

But being INLOVE seems more like I want to be with you forever, I feel like a better person when I'm with you, I feel complete with you, There is no-one else to compare to you.

Stuff like that.... Whereas I love you means I know who you are and I accept it... being inlove means I know who you are and I adore it!

Oh and just wanted to add to the Pisces debate... that if you can't put up some boundaries to love then it's self sacrifice, and it's not true love as far as I'm concerned. When you give away your ego to another you are becoming a victim, helpless, giving them the power, not taking responsibility for the relationship... A relationship takes TWO people not one... TWO with TWO EGOS that work together, share together, love together.

The Pisces idea of surrendering ego to their partner is not love, it's just surrender, it's giving up. The confusion is that we do this in the throws of passion to connect intimately and more deeply but we can't do that all the time. We live in a world where bills need to be paid, clothes need to be bought, work needs to be done. If we can chose a lifestyle that will enable this giving up or surrendering oneself then we can chose to live in a monastery or be part of an army.

posted March 31, 2010 09:24 AM         

Gypsee, forgot to mention, thank you for reminding me of our (annoying) habit of swimming, well not really a habit a need. And he did not tell me he was doing this for me, but him, this is an assumption made by those close to me and medical professionals i have spoken to.

All, thank you for all replies. I have learned much from this discussion, mostly that I entertain a very unconventional idea of love, to put it mildly, might keep that in mind for the future!

blessings

posted March 31, 2010 06:25 PM         

and when i say significant exes they go back to kindergarten...it thrills me to see how well my first "sweetheart" is doing, how healthy his family is etc...these are people i can talk to no holds barred.

posted May 10, 2010 09:37 PM         

i am trying to find my way out of the need for romantic love and move toward my higher self.

mel..no we will not be together again...and it hurts and i am sad, but as i said, trying to find something else, something "real" to fill the void. something besides an individual, something like "me..."

blessings