posted April 02, 2010 11:35 PM         

First I will start off my saying be care what you wish for bc you just may get it...

Well here's my story and its really ironic how fate and destiny forms and gets set into motion.
I have worked for the same company for 15 years. When I was looking for a job, I opened up the phone book and pointed to a place. I called and they said they were hiring. So I went in and filled out the application.. A week later I havent heard back, so I called and they said OMg we have been trying to get in contact with you. You didnt put your phone number on the application... OK Im an idiot..LOL so I got the job and worked my way up into management. (LEO, with MC in Cap) I went from location to location through the years. Then in 2004 I applied for another position. I really wanted that position. But I didnt get it.. Then they told me they think I would be better for this "other" position. I was hesitating bc I didnt really want that position. I was told I would really fit blah blah.. So I took that position. Once I got there.. I just loved it there... My boss is just the best boss... We just get along.. I have been asked to move to other locations but REFUSED bc I just didnt want to leave. Why leave if Im happy... O for the record I was married in 2000. Well in 2008 he had massive problems, and well his karma came knocking and took him out of the house. Even though we were married we were tied together. I dont think either of us was happy, but regardless the ties stayed and neither of us would admit it. So Karma comes knocking and takes him out of the house and once he was gone.. I was devastated and heartbroken. But after months of healing myself, I finally realized Im happier w/o him... SO even though he's physically not home we were still together. So I decided we needed to separate for reals. SO I finally feel better.. Im in a I wanna play mode... So I do just that once ok twice.. LOL anyways. One day I was at work and it was slow and I walked into Gerry's area(fake name)he's a employee in another department. I go in and say Hi. and we just started talking spilling all of our beans. 3 hours later we realize its time to go home.. It was a refreshing conversation, he made me laugh, and I realized I was extremely attracted to him. I was drawn into him. By his words,the way he moved and just everything. (I have always looked at him, and kinda watched him, but I was married and never gave it any kind of thought) so anyways a week later I go into his area again and we start talking again for 2 hours. We flowed so easily. I wanted him to ask me for my number but he didn't. Then about another week later. I was leaving and he came up to me in the parking lot and we started talking again. We laughed and made jokes.. Again he did not ask for my number. (he's a Pisces) so on my way home I called his office, and asked for clarity on something he was laughing at.. We made small talk and hung up. Then that night I was going to a show with a friend, she said she couldnt go but I could have the tickets. So I called Gerry and asked him if he wanted to go but just as friends. He said well give me your number Ill let you know in a bit. I gave him my number. He said he will let me know later and I said that was too late bc I needed to tell my friend if I wanted the ticket or not. He said well then I cant make it at that time. I said ok no harm no foul. no biggie.. I went about my business. A week later I get a text from a phone number and I thought it was Tom (jus gave him my number the day b4) and the texts didnt make sense. So I was like WTF who is this.. He finally said its Gerry... OMG!! lol.. I was shocked!!!! Called him names for "going along with it" he laughed.. We were texting for like 3 hours, then some how we said hey lets hook up.. But it has to be a secret bc of work. We both agreed and kept texting talking about it for another 3 hours... We would text back and fourth and it was cool we hooked up. The first time he touched me I felt an overwhelming power of desire. I was totally WOWED!! this kept going on for like two months. Then one day we just said he its getting inappropriate we should stop. We both were like ok cool.. TTYL no hard feelings (as per our agreement) see ya around! This was all via text. All of a sudden I felt depressed and sadden and lost. So later that night he calls me and talks to me like nothing ever happen we talked for 3 hours. I felt much better and felt as if there would not be any awkward feelings. It was cool. So we would say hi to each other and even still text every once in a while. But rarely. IDK how to explain what happen we still look at each other, deeply and we both get hot and cold. Thats when I started to feel the pull, I noticed that if I was cold he would come to me, and if he was cold I would go to him. We are going back and fourth like this. Its horrible... I finally said F.. that Im gonna go back to playing. So I met some Aqua guy and started hooking up with him, but still feeling the pull but I had it under control. THEN he calls me and tells me how he wants me, and how he cant have me, and how Im not his.. Then he says I have to go and he just hangs up on me.. Im left waying WTF just happen. Thats when the pull really hit me hard. Also the Venus/Pluto obsession. He says he wants to be friends, but desires me, but doesnt want to be with me. Blah Blah.. Im thinking what ever with your game... His eyes draw me in and overpower me. I cant get him out of my head. I need to touch him. The emotions that I have are not describable. Is massive intense,I have this strong desire to "please" him. I just want him to be happy. This desire is so strong, that I want to know he's happy even if it does not included me. Which yes would make me sad, but at the same time I would ok with it as long as he was really happy. I dont see him as happy.. I feel his emotions, I feel his sadness. If only I could make him happy.... But at the same time. I want to touch him and be near him and talk to him.. The drive to do all these things consume my entire being. I cant focus on anything else. I need answers I wanna know why I feel this way.. These feelings are so not me. Im confused and dont understand my desires. I dont understand my emotions. I have an equally strong desire to know why... What is this... Why all the desires. This is not anything like the leo school girl crush, its totally different and overwhelming and it consumes me, the thought of the emotions that I am feeling... why..why... why... So I decided to do one of those paid composites. IDK why thats just were it ended up. It tells me we are soul mates, nn conj sun nn conj merc... 3 grand trines, healing each other, transformation. psychic links. Telepathic communication. Dream sharing.. unconditional love, soulful connections.. blah blah... all the aspects you could possibly ask for in a composite. it even scored us problem areas scored extremely low like a 47 and soul connection scored 191 extremely high..

posted April 03, 2010 01:14 AM         

In the synastry, he puts a lot of planets in your water houses, but you put planets in his less personal houses, which may account for the disparity. Since he puts so many planets, including a stellium in your 12th house, into your water houses, you feel the intensity and you act selflessly.

I can't make too much out of the synastry because you put asteroids and have lines to all of them, so I can't see the aspects at all. All I see are a mush of red and blue lines everywhere....

I don't see his chart, which may help as well, but the bottom line is: It doesn't matter if you have the best synastry in the world, because both people have to be committed. I don't know why he isn't. Have you asked him? It sounds like you went from friends/flirting to a intimate relationship very suddenly and that usually kills any chance for a romance, because the build up isn't there and there isn't a strong foundation, since you don't know where you both stand with each other. I think this is part of the push/pull. Having intimacy too early is dicey, because you haven't gotten on a firm ground as to what the relationship is -- it hasn't been defined, so sometimes this situation develops and it's really hard to reverse once it happens. You can't go back in time, so my advice would be to stay away from him and if he returns to you, tell him you want to date formally and start all over without having sex. If he declines, he was using you. If not, maybe you can take it to a more serious level.

ETA: You have venus in cancer, which is sensitive and can be intense and it is in a close square to pluto on the DC. I am stunned that you were never this way before. I wonder what is activating it now...It may be that the pluto opposition to it is the catalyst. I think it could be t.Uranus making a grand cross out of your t-square (see next paragraph). Or maybe your ex partners were always the ones who were doing the suffering for you...I get the feeling he is in another relationship or married. I don't know why. Could that be why he's pulling away?

I wonder what your progressed chart is doing? P. Sun should be into virgo by now. I soubt it's still squaring your natal neptune, although that would fit this well.

posted April 03, 2010 04:21 AM         

I just read your saga. I'm sorry it feels so uncomfortable and intense for you. I will say more later. I just got summoned. Here's your synastry below:

posted April 03, 2010 04:45 AM         

Your Natal

posted April 03, 2010 10:39 AM         

Diana I put the charts on the same link without all the lines. I also put his.

As for him being in another relationship, no he's not. What your probably picking up on is the secret thing. We work together and no one from work can know. But hey its works well with my Urnaus in the 7th... hahaha. I actually love the secret thing. I think it adds to it.. But yes It drives him crazy and has him all parnoid.

Your right, we did jump right in, the intense passion, and not being able to resist really took its affect on us.
And he WANTS to be friends w/o sex but feels that if were friends its going to happen anyways. bc of the passions we share. This is coming from him. Im the one saying well we both adults "Whats the problem" lololololol....

I did not know that having his personal planets make me selfless. Yes its so true. I want what ever he wants...
His moon is in my 8th house, which makes me WANT him... LOL brings strong desires. In the composite my sun is in the 7th house.
my venus trines his sun and mercury. Our Asc also trine each other.

Yes my Venus Cancer is intense, as I do feel intesely I have NEVER felt this intense. It has never consumed me like this. I hope your right that it will mellow out soon. Im trying to push it back on him... Whats funny is when I get cold on him he comes to me and says that he feels like he cant have me, and the more he cant have me the more he wants me, like a kid that wants a toy more, when you say you cant have it. Is how he explained it to me.

posted April 03, 2010 01:26 PM         

Yes, once pluto finally moves on, and it is, but it is about to rx, it should get better. But, I think it's also possible that his chart activates it in you as well, so you will have to find a way to deal with it, I suppose. All those twelfth house planets are heavy. It may be bringing out the neptune in you.

Yeah, I must've been picking up on the secrecy thing. His scorpio moon would like that, but also be very paranoid. What would happen if they found out? Would they fire you?

posted April 03, 2010 03:04 PM         

Here's what I find ironic all the stuff that falls in each others 10th house.
In my 10th he has Venus,Eros,Psych and in his 10th I have Psych verte,pluto,ceres,and dc.....
This is another thing I find Ironic most of his planets fall in my 12th (secrets,influence of past live, forgiveness,spirtual inspiration, enlingtenment. etc etc
Most of my planets fall in his 9th house, deveopment of mind,higher learning,spirtual experiences,getting away from it all,expansion, etc etc.

The 12th and the 9th kinda balance each other. The 9th gives a teach, experiences etc while the 12th can give enlightment,miraculous healing..

posted April 03, 2010 05:34 PM         

quote:

---

You said none of my planets fall in his personal houses. Hum I could be wrong but in the synstry my saturn,IC and venus are in his 7th. My Asc is in his 4th. my jupiter and mc is in his 1st. My eros in his 3rd.

---

7th is an air house, so it's more impersonal. 1st house is also not very personal. I don't count asteroids, but the 3rd is also an air house.

The AC in the 4th is important, but this is actually a very difficult placement. I am not sure why, but I have noticed it to be the case in a lot of synastry charts. Maybe the IC is way too peronal compared to the AC. I don't know, still trying to figure that one out.

quote:

---

The 12th and the 9th kinda balance each other. The 9th gives a teach, experiences etc while the 12th can give enlightment,miraculous healing..

---

Maybe...I don't know. The energies are SO different though. He approaches you like a sag, which is carefree and non-committal, while you approach him like an emotional and martyr-like person. There is an imbalance. You aren't on the same page and you feel you are there to save him, which is oh-so neptune and will not work. Maybe he doesn't need or want saving. It's the ultimate power trip for you, because you feel like you are above him. It also allows you to go against your better judgment and continue this relationship without feeling bad about it, because you feel it is for his greater good. I'm afraid if you continue this relationship you are going to end up very hurt unless you start to see his clay feet and change your mindset. His scorpio moon is also on a subtle power trip, eating this up. He knows he has power over you and he likes it, even if he doesn't consciously realize it. The pisces sun soaks up all the love. His aqua mars gets all the freedom and thrills it wants. So...he is one happy clam, while you are in pieces. It won't change unless you change.

quote:

---

Please correct me if I wrong but its seems as if Im the teacher to his suffering and Im somehow suppose to heal him. Or is it visa versa??????

---

See above. You are turning yourself into a God.

posted April 03, 2010 06:01 PM         

No way do I approach him like a martyr-like person. He only see's affection from me, when I feel like it, maybe once every 2 weeks. Ususally when he gets hot. Once he gets cold I get even COLDER. He has in no way seen my senstive side as my shell is alot harder than that.

-------------------------He knows he has power over you and he likes it, even if he doesn't consciously realize it. The pisces sun soaks up all the love. His aqua mars gets all the freedom and thrills it wants. So...he is one happy clam, while you are in pieces. It won't change unless you change.
-------------------
LOL... Yeah this is probably true. But at the same time, we have a deep friendship and respect for each other, and give the space that is needed to be our own person.

posted April 03, 2010 08:44 PM         

I keep all my emotions and feelings locked deep inside and I needed a place to vent and let it all out.

Obviously this is not the place!!!! As it appears that only judgment and criticism resides here!!!!!

posted April 04, 2010 03:58 AM         

A favorite writer friend of mine has a quote about the greatest lessons being brought to light later... hmmm... angels watching over you... hmmm.... no... guiding spirits.

ahh, well, Google has failed me at the moment. I'll find it for you sometime. Peace, Sweetie.

posted April 04, 2010 04:23 AM         

Love. Begin with Love and you can never go wrong. Take aim at love, and you can never "sin", which is "to miss the mark". Love is lighter than the wind, lighter than the ether. Your arrows will cut fire and fly straight. A single arrow will point you the whole way to the Kingdom, if its aim is true. Begin with love, or repeat history.

The most incredible experiences are not realized until after they are over. During such experiences, guiding spirits shield from our vision all but the moment. Only in time do great lessons come to light. They are given in an instant, to be pondered for an eternity."

posted April 05, 2010 12:07 AM         

Its weird but HE per say doesnt bother me. What bothers me is all the emotions I am feeling. The pull, the connection, how intense it is, the obsession with it.
I absolutely adore him!! I have such a strong urge to just please him.. Which is really confusing for me. Hey Im ALL LEO, sun,moon,mercury and mars. Its all about what he wants and needs. Whatever that is... This really bothers me because its just not me.

I did find this and I think this is where I am right now. I found this meaning which makes sense of what is going on.

His Pluto in my 7th house.
He has a magnetic quality and your association has utterly transformed your life. You were so compulsively drawn to him from the beginning,resistance would have been difficult. You're forced to examine your own most intense feelings.

posted April 05, 2010 12:09 AM         

Yeah his Venus is in my 10th and it said we could meet at work.(lolololol) Is one of your venus in the others 10th?????

posted April 05, 2010 12:18 PM         

My biggies in synastry:
His vertex and Pluto sit right on top A/C...his Mars widely conjunct my Venus. Lilith (she's a sneaky one lol) black and astroid conjunct in our charts in my 8th house and his 1st.../his moon conj my north node and I could go on LOL
I bought a wonderful reading (expensive but so worth it!!!) from funk astrology because I needed to understand. Just like you why this person overwhelmed me like no other. I was focusing more on my reactions to the whole thing which were SOOOO not me!!!! When I left and cut off ties I literally felt like I had been through a war. Very karmic, profound, complex and intense.

posted April 05, 2010 01:26 PM         

Here are some of the aspects we have
NN opps Sun
SN conj Sun
NN opps Mercury
SN conj Mercury
NN conj Mars
Venus opps Pluto
moon con pluto
venus trine neptune
Asc trine moon
Mc conj Uranus
Ceres conj Neptune
Ceres Trine Venus
Ceres Sextile Pluto
Psyche conj Mars
Psyche conj NN
Psyche opps Sun
Psyche opps Merc
Sappho conj neptune
eros square mc
eros trine jupiter
eros trine pluto
eros sextile neptune

posted April 06, 2010 11:08 AM         

Funny thing in my situation...I wanted to communicate, he refused.. his only answer to me ever was " I don't want a relationship" etc etc...And I wasn't asking for a relationship I just wanted the truth so I could make my decision based on logic and not emotional reaction. But again he is younger... much younger lol. Here are some quotes from my reading, and I guess if I look at this from a logical perspective and from his "age" it must have been a little overwhelming:

"this is a soul mate relationship. it stands out easily because the soul is the
AC, and both your AC's are strong in synastry. your AC on his pluto-vertex,
so it is also a destiny encounter. power and control issues, extremely intense
moments, even full-on confrontations, but evolves both souls. his AC
opposite your sun, your your sun is on his DC (partner). these two
conjunctions involving both your AC's is most important."

"You have Mars on the DC which points to aggression with others, having to
fight for your right to be together, also fighting with each other.
This is a fated thing since Mars is squared the Nodes, the karmic past and
future."

"his moon conjunct the north node, and his north node conjunct the moon -
this is pretty special. so karmic this relationship for him. and it is where he
needs to be going. you are his moon, wife, even a mother figure. he must be
very drawn to you, so karmic and soul-matey."

And the advise:
Now I don't
know how difficult this relationship is, wether you may even be thinking of
breaking the chains altogether. This may also be an option.
Something has to be sacrificed and it will be your decision I think because of
your Mars on the Davsion/relationship Pluto.

posted April 06, 2010 01:41 PM         

As for mine,at the very least we will be the best of friends. I truly value his friendship. I dont want to give up that friendship. As a matter of fact when we first started talking about hooking up, I has hesitant, I told him I didnt want it to interfere with our friendship. I asked him if when we stop if we can still be friends... He said YES we can. We will always be friends.I was reluctant but went ahead anyways. Truthfully it strengthened our friendship, and we bonded way more than I ever thought.
But at the same time we are both playing "the game" with each other. But in a fun sort of way.. IDK its hard to explain.. We tease and joke alot. We have our own little private world that we share..

I did do a paid reading from Astro Cafe. We had so many aspects that said, soul connection,unconditional love,psychic links, speaking w/o words, healing past wounds, if we look into each others eyes, we will see a mirror of each other.
The list goes on and on.. But from where we are at, this has been true so far. I want him to be happy even if it doesnt include me. We I see his body movements, its movements I do and visa versa. Its so close that even people at work have started to notice.
The our life's have been ironically similar. He has told me stories about his past, which were extremely close to my stories. He has said things like "I should write a book about my life" I have actually thought that and started one several years ago, but havent progressed with it.
Another thing our kids are born on the same day. Not sure what time his daughter was born but our kids are either hours or minutes apart...
We are total opposites, yet we have alot of the same natal aspects in our chart. Just under opposite signs. IE his Venus is Cap mine is Can.. His Mars is Aqua mine is Leo.

Here is one of the readings that I received.
Psyche Opps Sun
This is a real soul union and your mission is to develop personally through the relationship, Sometimes you can recognize who you are as individuals,by looking in the mirror of each others eyes. At times you can swing backwards and forwards from being aligned in your journey to wholeness through this relationship. You are very connected to each other psychologically and the relationship can afford you much transformation and healing. Those around you can be powerfully affected by your focus of personal development and you both may be role models for others in that regards.