posted April 24, 2010 01:46 PM         

I met this person 13 years ago in a bar on vacation. He was studying to be a lawyer but had a book full of drawings and poems. I told him he was wasting time pursuing law and he should be an artist. We had an amazing attraction. Immediate. But I was with my boyfriend and so we all hung out that night but nothing happened. Never heard from him again.

Last November I get a message from him on Fbook that he had found my name by accident that day and wanted to write me to tell me that he had become an artist. The irony here is that I was in the middle of a project for work where I desperately needed one last artist and he literally fell out of the sky.

We began working together on this project which would effectively change his life (again) and pull him out of obscurity and onto the international art scene. I have never been so immediately "influential" on the outcome of someone's life and figured that i must have an enormous karmic debt to him. Yet despite all that I continued to do I never felt like it was cleared.

There was still an enormous attraction, but he is married. He would make many advances to me, writing me emails, trying to sext etc. I kept telling him that it wasn't going to happen and we needed to keep our relationship professional, but the tension was always there.

So I saw him for work last week and had organized a dinner with some other people. We both drank too much and ended up sleeping together.

As soon as it was over we were both unbelievably horrified at what had happened. We began screaming at each other and agreed to never see each other again.

So the next morning, ironically, I felt freed from his debt. Like I no longer owed him anything. BUT now I feel like complete and total sh*t both for what I did, but mostly for his wife, who is a completely innocent bystander in my stupidity. Like sick to my stomach for the last two days.

Then today a pedophile approached my 4 year old daughter and her friends while they were playing together with his ** out telling the kids to come closer because he was so huge. Nothing happened, the kids came running to us and we called the police.

So out of sickness, more sickness though I couldn't help see the parallels between someone's sexual issues and the enormous potentially tragic effect it has on the innocent and drew the situation back to what I had done.

So my question is: is there anyway to balance what I've done? I can't take it back but can I counter it? Do I have to wait to the next life to clear my karma with her? I'm really sick about this.